Let me do you a flavor, er, favor…

Summer is right around the corner and the thing that goes best with it?

OK, really it’s watermelon. But after that?


Here is the best bruchetta recipe I know of. It’s simple, refreshing and light and just tastes like summer.



4 cups of finely chopped tomatoes-(I prefer Roma)

2 green onions, chopped

1/4 cup fresh chopped parsley

1 T finely chopped rosemary

3 cloves garlic, finely chopped

1/3 extra virgin, (or just your regular virgin variety), olive oil

3 T balsamic vinegar

salt and pepper to taste

sliced provolone cheese

Parmesan cheese

thick sliced garlic bread

In a two quart bowl mix tomatoes, onions, parsley, rosemary, olive oil and vinegar. Cover and marinate for an hour or so.

Toast the garlic bread. Remove from oven and sprinkle with Parmesan cheese. Lay a slice of provolone cheese on it and toast until the cheese is nice and bubbly. Take out of the oven and cover each piece of bread with 1/2 to 3/4 cup of the tomato mixture. Garnish with more grated cheese and be prepared to make more because this batch will be gone in no time!

You’re welcome! πŸ˜‰

Jim Cantore has the hots for me.

Hello everybody! Just popping inΒ  to say, “Yes, I am still alive and stumbling around dumbfounded trying to figure out what the hell is happening NOW well, here in HalfAssticland.

Today, I have been working in the yard where all manner of wildlife, in the form of beetles, rolly-pollies, worms, and the ubiquitous lizard, all were friendly and asked where they could find other family members to terrorize.

I gave them the family’s itinerary and directions on where to find each member, because that’s the kind of person I am.

In other news, Keelan and her boyfriend are still split up, but at this point she has moved on and seems much happier this way. Can I get a collective sigh, here?

I guess the only really big news is that, apparently, Jim Cantore, of The Weather Channel fame, is… pursuing me.

Let that sink in a minute…

OK, I can only assume as much since he texts at least 3 or 4 times a day. He even does it when John is sitting right there beside me!

I have read the texts to John and he is totally unconcerned. This is because they seem harmless. But I can’t even understand them!

Clearly, they are in some sort of code. But if he’d pay any attention at all he could tell they are leading in nature. And somewhat lascivious.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love the word lascivious? That and Wikileaks. I know Wikileaks has some serious, bad connotations, but I’d like to name a child that. Wiki Leaks Lopez… I think that name has potential.

But, I digress.

Aaaanywaaaay, Jim is sending me things like, “Hope you’re having a good Supermoon Saturday.”

“I expect you in the proper gear this go round. ;-)”

“I will have graphic on that in 2 minutes.”


Then there’s the ones he sends that are pretty self-explanatory. Be warned: This is where the “lascivious” part comes in.

“I am telling you this is huge!!”

“its Ginormous!”

“Epic !! Again”

Then there’s the ones I can’t make heads or tails of, but he’s clearly trying to tell me something.

“Data isn’t being decoded properly or their is another type of error. Call your cable provider if its not fixed by morning.”

“Highway 1 near Big Sur, CA expected to be closed for at least a month”

“What is the official Meteorological Agency for Brazil if I may ask.”

That’s is the gist of the average message I get from him. It all started the other day when I decided to follow him on Twitter and, apparently, he somehow got my cell phone number from there.

At least that’s going to be my story. πŸ˜‰

AND he’s adorable!

Free toes, everybody!



My sweet lil’ baby, Keelan, is going through a hard time right now. She has recently broken up with her boyfriend and, while that is always a difficult time in a girl’s life, it has been exacerbated by a stalker. This 23 year old guy started working at Sonic with Keelan about a month ago and almost immediately attached himself to her side. The other employees went so far as to refer to him as her “Shadow”, and I believe that’s where the nickname, “Clinger” was first applied.

She was dating her long time boyfriend at the time, but this didn’t stop our Clinger. He repeatedly asked her out, swore his undying love and would NOT stop following her.

He followed her to Payless Shoes where she and Kessa were shopping one day. Freaked her out and her sister, too.

He told her he wanted to have children with her!

He went from charming and sweet to obnoxious, freaky, and downright scary in a matter of days. As a matter of fact, the first few days he worked with her.

I am happy to report that her breakup was not caused by this joker. However, when her feelings were still raw and hurt after she and her boyfriend parted ways, Clinger got mad at Keelan for her constant rejection, (she says recoiling), and he told her he was going to go to the ex-boyfriends workplace and tell him that Keelan and he had slept together just so there was no chance things would ever work out with them.

Clearly, this young man is disturbed.

After Keelan had been refusing his advances for about three weeks he started being really rude to her at work. Her boss, the owner, arranged the schedules so that they weren’t working together. However, that was to start next work week.

Saturday, March 5th, Clinger convinced Keelan that he HAD to talk to her about something “super important, and work related”. There had been no agreement with her boss about separating their work schedules yet so she was pretty sure he was going to tell her that he was taking over her friend’s morning shifts and would be spending every morning, ALL morning with her.

This was a tragic consideration of epic proportions. Think “major angst”.

Since Kee refused to go with him in his car, (I mean…REALLY?!), they were to meet at Starbuck’s…

The first thing to piss him off was the fact that Keelan brought a friend with her. (My girl’s no dummy and has survival instincts.)

Then, when the conversation didn’t revolve entirely around him, and his plan to woo Kee fell apart, things went south. He made numerous nasty remarks to Kee and her friend and ended up telling Kee that he would be telling her things that would depress her so badly that she would kill herself. Actually told her she would end up ,”blowing her brains out”.

She was a bit… agog. However, she had the presence of mind to tell him that there really is nothing he could possibly say to her that would cause this effect.

His parting words, as Kee and friend were dashing out to the car? “Tell (ex-boyfriend), I said, ‘Hi!'”.

Sunday, March 6th, Clinger got to work and his shift overlapped Kee’s by two hours. So, she’s thinking, “I can do this… just two hours and I am outta here”.

He was hateful, demeaning, obnoxious, and downright scary every chance he got. Many of the employees witnessed it again.

So Keelan got through and left work later that day. Then, the manager on duty called her and said that Clinger had just gotten up and left work with close to $400.00 dollars of Sonic’s money and hadn’t even bothered to clock out.

The thinking at this point is that maybe he had forgotten to turn it in before he left. I mean it was a possibility, though not very probable.

The manager finally got in touch with Clinger and there was, reportedly, a screaming conversation between them in which Clinger insists that the manager and Keelan conspired against him together to make it look like he had stolen the money.

Keelan wasn’t even THERE. The manager has worked there for five years or so and has always seemed to be an outstanding person.

The owner is pressing charges against Clinger and we don’t know if the cops have found him yet. Or even if the address on his employment application is correct or not.

If Keelan hears from this guy again, phone call, text, or, (heaven forbid), in person, we will get a restraining order.

My doors are locked at all times. And I am not usually a paranoid person. I MEAN, AT ALL!

I know I am continuing the Texan stereotype by saying this, but I’m glad we have guns.

Yes. I said it.

Heh. NOW, can I get some hate mail and consider myself a “real” blogger?

To be continued….







WTF! Before I post the real post, (yes, there IS one), I need to know what the devil is up with my Comment Luv. I have tried everything I know and visited, (that incredibly user unfriendly), website numerous times, googled it, prayed on it, harassed my brother over and over again, asked the dog, used UNACCEPTABLE language, etc.

Every single time I comment on another person’s post, it gives “Enter Godzilla” as my latest post. It is stuck there.

What does Comment Luv have against Mardi Gras, people? Why can’t it want people to be able to see that I have a newer post about me dancing with John and getting hit on by Elvis at Mardi Gras?

Does Comment Luv hate me?

Is it not a fan of Elvis?


If you have the answer to these, (or any other questions I might have in the future), PLEASE TELL ME!

I luv love you guys.

Look what’s new and Mardi Gras

Well, I know… It ain’t all that. And I don’t use the word “ain’t” lightly. Sometimes there’s just a place for it. It’s not the old HalfAsstic mast head with all the style and flair, yet it’s not that ridiculous country lane with the dude skulking off in the distance making you wonder what the hell he’d been up to and is he about to break into a run, and are those police lights coming up the road behind him and is he staggering?

Yeah. One of the many default looks, but it got old fast and never looked remotely HalfAsstic.

This one? Not perfect, yet much better.


Now, I am going to try to do better about posting. You have probably heard that from me in the past few years, and I meant it, too. Every single time.

John and I went to Mardi Gras in Galveston the other day. We were invited by a distributing company that supplies beer to his store. We were part of a private party that was on a balcony on The Strand and it was very la tee da.

I’m not sure how much my readers all know about Mardi Gras. It is a very southern experience, and if you’re not from down here it’s probably not something the typical person would know anything much about.

Being on a balcony we were expected to throw beads. Lots and Lots of beads.


This was inside, and really I didn’t spend too much time here. Mostly I was freezing my ass off outside with John.

It was so packed out there it was almost impossible to take pictures except of the street below. And it was too far away for the flash to work well, so really? Not too many good pictures of the crowd or parade.

See the necklaces with the really big beads on John’s and my neck? Guess what the crowd below is expected to do in order to get one of those thrown to them?

Mardi Gras etiquette. No, really. I’m serious.

The first person to respond in comments with the correct answer, I will do something… fabulous for.

Did I mention, it got a bit nippy out there?

Cooooold John

Heh! When he finally remembered he wore a shirt with a hood, he didn’t bother to pull his bling to the outside of it before cinching it up. He is holding my drink along with his beer in order for me to take the picture.

All he needs is a couple of cute, long, white ears and he’d look just like the little white bunny on Craig Ferguson.

When it finally became too cold for us to adequately distribute beads we moved on inside and were entertained by none other than Elvis.

Fer Real, people.

And not the old, fat Elvis in the white jumpsuit, either. This guy sounded EXACTLY like him, too.

We chatted with friends, had a few drinks, and danced a good deal. Eventually Elvis had a wardrobe change and came back like this:

He was singing all his hits and we were having a ball. While John and I were out there “getting down”, he all of the sudden grinned and pointed over my shoulder. When I turned around, Elvis was…. making advances to me.

I quickly accessed the situation, ran my hands up and down his chest then threw my arms around his neck and he dipped me.

I don’t think he ever stopped singing or got too far away from the microphone. Very talented professional.

But what would you expect from Elvis?

We met a lot of interesting people…

And had a lot of fun.

I wish you could have all been there with us!