Archive for the ‘ Strange ’ Category

We're a strange little group.

The other day, (Easter, to be exact), I was doing laundry and went in my bedroom to hang some things up.  I walked in and was going to my closet when I heard all this commotion in the bathtub.

Pleeeeeeease get me out, Mom!

Pleeeeeeease get me out, Mom!

I don’t know what made her go in there and think that jumping in the tub was the thing to do, but she could NOT get out.  The tub is a bit sunken on the inside and with no rug for traction, she was good and stuck.  Desperate and pitiful whining like you can’t even imagine.  The little fat ass.

Kes, will YOU get me out?!

Kes, will YOU get me out?!

However, this did not prevent me from leaving her there long enough to go get Kessa and let her come in and we both took pictures of her cause that’s the kinds of bee-otches we are.

I just wait... SOMEBODY will get me out!

I just wait... SOMEBODY will get me out!

What on earth do you think she was thinking to hop in there all by herself?  If there had been even a crumb of food, I would have expected it… but no.


Last night overheard in my house:

Squealing and laughter along with some yelling and aggravation. “MOM!  Make Kessa give me back my M&M’s!”

And without missing a beat these words came out of my mouth: “Kes, give your sister back her M&M’s before I spank you.”

And the most surreal part?

It worked.

Picture Purge #2

The other night we went to Pizza Hut for, you guessed it, PIZZA.  So I am sitting in the car because I looked like hell and was in a white tee shirt with no bra and shoeless.  The homeless look is alive and well at chez Lopez.  Anyway, John went in to get the pizza after a quick glance at me determined there was no way I was going to do it, and I noticed this poster in the window.  Click it and notice it says that they have “Restaurant Quality Pasta”.

As opposed to…what?  I mean I know Pizza Hut is not a 5 star establishment, but it’s not a hot dog cart either.

Just wondering…?

Next, we have a close up of John’s shirt with the little guy on the horse attempting to whack the invisible ball with a mallet.  Only John managed to get a little something Chinese food wise on it at lunch and the horse in his particular version has, obviously, left a pile of poo behind.

What can I say… this amused me.

Remember this?  Lisa’s kitchen and living room, ages ago when the remodel began?  Well, here we have some update photos.  Everything is just about done completely.  She doesn’t have her art and pictures up on the walls yet in these shots, but I’m thinking maybe tomorrow or the next day I’ll get over there and we’ll do it.  She also has some wooden shutters ordered to go up on the windows.

There is a beautiful oil painting that we found at a frame shop the other day to go over her fireplace.  It will look totally different.

There’s not much else to say.  John is off work again tomorrow.  AGAIN.  TWO TIMES THIS WEEK.  Those people at his work who can’t seem to do without him may start to think he is having an affair… with his wife.

Oh well. 😉

Hello people!  Long time since I’ve been here, I know.

Disclaimer: This is being written entirely under duress and NOT because I have anything that is exceptionally exciting to say.  OK, not really exciting at all.

Yes, let’s just say I am being coerced by my family and a few other people.  Boy are they going to feel foolish when they read this and realize that they made me do it.  Alright, let the magic words continue…

First up, (I think this is all you’re getting), for your fascination is the fact that I cleaned my closet out the other day.

Here we have the two bags of clothes to donate.  They weighed a million pounds.

Here we are AFTER the sorting.  What you can’t see is that between the frumpy, ugly clothes is SPACE.  WOO-HOO!

Now the really neat thing that I really enjoy about my closet is that the clothes are hung in color waves.  OK, I’m not sure if that is the right term, but they are stuck in there by color.  Kinda sorta following rainbow theory… OK, not very well.  I’m pretty sure my “spectrum” is all outta whack, BUT, if it was in the right order, you’d be awed.  NO, REALLY!  YOU WOULD!

From the other direction!  I think you can see what I mean a little bit better here.

And the pants!  That’s work clothes on the end down there.

There is a whole other bag of clothes that was just trash that NOBODY would want.  Torn, paint spattered, bleach riddled, work rags.  What I’m thinking now is, I really can’t do any hard work at this point because, I have nothing to wear.

Actually, that’s not entirely true.  I couldn’t lie to you people.  Well, not about the ability of me to wear housework clothes, anyway…  I did save a couple of pairs of pants and some old tee shirts for just such an occasion as cleaning out my tub and shower walls.  AND I DID IT!  LOTS of bleach was used and MUCH inhaling of fumes ensued.  Voila!  It all sparkles now.  That man I am married to even noticed… how sad a commentary is that on the filth that was hanging out in there?

We here at chez Lopez do not condone the growth of single cell organisms in our bathing facilities.  Nor do we approve of them flourishing to the extent that they develop their own IQ.

Yes, well…  Once this has occurred, “we”, ahem, (You know who that is, right?), sit back, shake our head and watch that shit grow take appropriate action.  Before too many months days go by I haul myself in there with a bottle of some sort of bleach/cleaner, a piece of Scotch Brite, a rag, and an old toothbrush.  Completely sans the gas mask.  (I am VERY foolish brave!)  Three wine coolers later hours later, I emerged victorious.

Next, we, (I use that term loosely), re grout, cause that stuff is coming lose from all the mold/bleach going on in there!

Here is the one I just KNOW you’ve been waiting for.

With excitement riding high I am presenting the top of my closet.  The white boxes are empty and there for gift giving.  The blue boxes are full of who knows what and the gray boxes are archival quality, acid free stuff to preserve things in.  I’ve got a few different copies of The Dallas Morning News in there from the day of and the following few days after Kennedy was assassinated.  My mom or father got them and kept them. The newspapers in the acid ridden plastic bag next to it are ones that I have some stuff published in from back when The Houston Post was around.

No, I did not have anything to do with them going out of business… NO, I don’t know why they went out of business.  SHEESH

I guess the fact that those are in the plastic bag, turning brown and rotting is pretty evident of how I feel about my worth as a writer!  Still… they DID publish my opinion… hummmmm.


Pins and needles

It’s 4:45 AM and I can’t go back to sleep.  John left for work earlier than usual today since he’s got a doctor’s appointment at 9:00.

John.  Who would let a limb rot off his body before he would voluntarily go to the doctor has decided to go in and “check this thing out”.

John is a large man.  He stands a bit over six feet tall and is quite broad shouldered and big statured.  He was over weight at 250 lbs.  But in the past, oh, 3 1/2 months he’s lost about 60 lbs.

We don’t know why.

He hasn’t been “dieting” at all.  We eat healthy for the most part here at chez Lopez, but he has always just packed away the food.  Let’s call it a “healthy” appetite, though I suppose that’s not entirely accurate.  Anyway, best case scenario, he has miraculously had the metabolism of a teenager restored to him and everyone I know will hate him for it (and I will be a tad bitter myself).

Actually what I’m thinking has happened is he has developed a case of diabetes.  He is urinating a bit more frequently and that, along with the weight loss makes me think that may be the case.  Compared to all the other possible scenarios I can think of, this is something we can live with. He can get outfitted with whatever he needs today and I have no problems with jabbing him with a needle.

This is one of those times when I would dearly love to have some idea about his ancestors.  Heredity would be so nice to know about, but he was adopted as a baby and we don’t really have any clue about his people.  I don’t even think he’s Hispanic, at least not all.  The girls keep telling him he’s an alien. Good guess.

Anyway, I’m not going to be able to sleep until he calls me and tells me that the doc has done a blood test and he’s just diabetic.  At least that’s what I’m hoping happens.

Update on missing phone.

Remember this, yesterday-when I managed to lose my mind phone and was lamenting how I had searched high and low, never finding it?  Well, guess who commented and then sent me subsequent emails telling me where to look to find it?

Witchypoo over at Psychicgeek.

She told me to, “Look within, or under, an unmade bed.”  So I responded by saying something to the effect that I was shocked that she thought I would have unmade beds.  She pointed out that I have teenagers and that, of course, means unmade beds.   *sigh* She is right.

At this point I still wasn’t thinking about the psychic thing.  I was still just, “Oh she must have found something she lost in the bed and that really is a good place to look…”

So we emailed back and forth several times and she finally just kicked me in the butt told me that the “coverlet is turned back and the phone is right under the edge of it, close to the pillow”.

So I got my happy ass up and went first into H’s room and patted around on her bed and wasn’t really even thinking about the fact that she had given me a “seeing” tip.  Oh, and Henrietta was IN the bed when I was looking around, so OF COURSE IT WAS UNMADE… I mean I am not a complete slob, so I am sure it would  have been made if she hadn’t been in it.


At the foot of her bed is a coverlet/large throw thing that we always keep there for her in case she gets cold.  It is folded in half across the end of the bed.  I patted the thing down and, well, there it was.  Right there, just a few inches in, right at the edge.  So I immediately picked it up and went back in to re-read her last email.   It said it was “close to the pillow.”  Well, the coverlet was over the end of the bed not close to the head.  But look!  You can see in this picture that there is a stack of pillows in the seat of the chair that is pushed up to the end of the bed.

Now, granted I put the phone back in the bed to take the picture, but that is almost exactly where it was, but the coverlet was pulled over it of course and I couldn’t see it.  (I’m not that lame.  I would have already found it if it had been lying out on the bed!  OH, YES, I WOULD!)  Anyway, see the stack of pillows in the chair that I still haven’t found anything to do with since she got the *&%$#! hospital bed?  They are about two feet from the phone.

So I would say that is pretty dead on accurate. I was amazed.  That was one of the neatest things to happen to me in a long time.  And not just because being without the extra phone was such a hassle.  It was just super neat.

That Witchypoo is amazing AND FABULOUS!  Yes, I said FABULOUS!

Amended to add that I forgot to point out that the coverlet is always folded in half, “turned back” as it was indicated.  And while it is kinda messy in the pic it is turned back on itself…  Completely in half.