Archive for the ‘ Lists ’ Category

OK, now stop singing. You are NOT Marry Poppins. And, strangely enough, a chick with a blog named HalfAsstic doesn’t seem to qualify either.

The following SHOULD NOT BE SUNG. It’s simply prose. (Prosey? Prosie? Prose-ish?) I can tell right now you are over thinking this.

I like:

Bendy straws and

Green lights

Puppy paws and

wee girls in tights.

Badger Cuticle Cream,

Do you know what I mean?

I love cool reading glasses

And single malt scotch.

Short sleeved blouses,

Jeans not too short in the crotch.

Shitless diapers and

Blooming iris

Eating pastry until I’m pieless.

Flealess dogs and

Flaming fireplace logs.

Red wine,

Namely Beaujolais.

Loving my husband,

A roll in the hay-

No worry about conception.

Red geraniums and

Cell phones that get good reception.

Sleeping late,

Nothing much to do,

Dinner dates and

Never thinking it through.

Talking on the phone and

Mindless blather.

Washing my hair with

Good smelling lather.

Having freshly shaved legs and

Cute painted toes.

Not having to blow a snotty kids nose.

Writing my blog and

finding great friends,

I’m just thinking,

the fun never ends!

Aaaaaaall week long…

John is on vacation this week and we have big plans.

  • Fix the kitchen faucett
  • Work in yard, trimming trees and mulching flowerbeds, if the rain will ever stop.
  • Go to World Market and stock up on wine and smoked Gouda.
  • Take my new Periodic Table of Typeface print to the frame shop and have it matted and framed.
  • Buy THREE name brand dress shirts, a Chaps tie, and a pair of wonderful, sexy, new jeans for me for a total of $38.00 at Kohl’s. CHECK!
  • Clean out garage
  • Shop for Keelan’s birthday on Wednesday.  Eighteen years old!

Tomorrow is Monday and I think we should be half way through this list by the end of the day and have more added to it!

And we haven’t even tried to kill each other yet!

I’ll keep you abreast of the situation!

Here’s a little something I cooked up to give away a set of pictures that would look elegant in anyone’s house or even on a porch.  Just play my Unconscious Mutterings “game” and, (to the sound of trumpets blaring), YOU COULD WIN!

The winner is going to be chosen by a random number generator deal AND said winner will receive this wonderful prize! (My legal department urges me strongly to remind you all that the term, “wonderful” is entirely subjective.)

The contest will be over in 7 days.  Next Wednesday, February 4th.


These two, 12″ x 14″ prints are on some sort of  hard, lightweight board that is hollow.  They are one inch thick and have sawtooth hangers on the backs of them.   The “paintings” are lightly textured.  The colors in the following photos is pretty true to life.  Very dusty purples and other muted shades.  They are pretty and lightweight.  Could be hung up on a wall with a straight pin.  Don’t laugh.  When I was a child my mother’s friend across the street let on that every picture in her house was hung with steel straight pins.  Nothing ever fell!

Oops, I digressed.  I’m always doing that!  Wonder if there’s any such thing as a professional digress-er?  Wonder if they feel at all threatened by me?

Now what was I talking about?  OH!  Right!

Here’s the pics.

I was standing on the bed to take these.  Why didn’t I just lay them on the carpet, you ask?  Good question.

And finally here is the back of one of them and don’t be fooled!  My bed is actually NOT made.  Just smoothed out for the sake of the photos.  OH THE SHAME!  DON’T TELL MITHER!

OK, here are the latest from the recesses of my dusty, disturbed, dark, leeetle mind.  As before, I suggest that you copy and paste the words in  the comment box and fill it out before you read anyone else’s, just because it makes it easier to think freely…  Or is that just me?  Probably me.

1. Kate:

2. clock:


4. dining table:

5. assortment:

6. rubber band:

7. spindle:

8. frog:

9. startled:

10. dragon:


And my answers:

1. Kate: Hepburn

2. clock: Late

3.plaque: Give away

4. dining table: eat

5. assortment: too many

6. rubber band: Man

7. spindle:DVD’s

8. frog: Susan

9. startled: Dumb dog barking

10. dragon: renaissance festival

Now go on!  Do it!

My List to get rich quick. My attempt to make a stab at my own little version of the gross national debt.  And I DO mean gross.

  • put the horse trough on Craig’s List for $50.00.  Check- (SOLD)
  • put the saddle on Craig’s List for, ummm, $200.00?…. $300.00? (Will do as soon as Keelan gets home and cleans it up. *note to self, tell John to bring home saddle soap*
  • investigate the cost of saddles.
  • put Kes’s text books and a few others on Amazon to sell.  7 of them.  Check- (SOLD…some of them)
  • put a bunch of my McCoy pottery pieces on Ebay.  Check- (bidding ends late tomorrow, prepare to be rich, less poor.

I cannot freaking believe that Kes just came in and told me that she was looking at her courses on line and she has a biology 2 class, (or some such shit) that is requiring the exact same book that we just sold for $80.00.

AAAARRRG!  WHY, OH WHY IS MY GET RICH (quick, deadly slow, whatever), SCHEME BACKFIRING?

On the bright side, I have scarred Keelan for life… mentally, that is.  During the Christmas meal preparation, she wandered into the kitchen and gazed longingly at the turkey that I had recently pulled out of the oven.  I thought I’d mess with her a little bit and I gestured to the perfectly round, neat little 22 caliber sized hole in the breast of the bird where I had recently pulled out the pop up button thing that tells you when it is sufficiently done on the inside.

I said, “Oh, look… that’s where they shot it.”

Her eye’s got huge and I swear her face turned white as she stared at that turkey that she must have been sure had died a natural death of “want-to-contribute-to-our-holiday-meal”.   Everyone started laughing and she blushed.  Sometimes she is sooooo sweet.

And then there are the other times…

I see these fairly often on other people’s sites and they are always much fun to do so I thought I’d try one, but I’m making up my own words.  Well, OK, not making up words, you know, but doing my own list of new words.  Well, OK, not new words, but a new list…

Oh for Pete’s sake, just give it a try.

Copy and paste the following words into the comment box and put your answer next to the given word.  You’ll find my answers below the list.  But, if you’re like me you won’t want to read anybody else’s answers until you put down your own because it makes me you focus on their answer and not as able to think freely of my your own.


1. Book:

2. angst:

3. drama:

4. paper plates:

5. toothpick:

6. leaves:

7. self-portrait:

8. sister:

9. light:

10. carpet:

OK, here are my answers results:

1. Book: Long hot bath with John Grisham… er, you KNOW what I mean.

2. angst: teenager

3. drama: teenage girl

4. paper plates: put dishwasher soap on the grocery list

5. toothpick: skinny

6. leaves: Rake!  Front yard looks like a bunch of Mexicans live here.  (Oops… I forgot.)

7. self-portrait: VanGogh

8. sister: argue

9. light: lamp

10. carpet: Flor catalog


And if all this fun and frivolity wasn’t enough, get this.

I was reading Ree’s blog, Hotfessional yesterday and came across this worthy information:

Along with a good sized list of giving people who are making valuable contributions out there, Robeez is making donations for every eCard that is sent.  So for heaven’s sake send an ecard, heck, send a lot of them!  The money goes to K.I.D.S, (Kids In Distressed Situations).  It’s free to send them and they’re really cute.

And then!

My dear friend, SSG over at Confessions of a (Sometimes) Serendipitous Girl, has awarded me with a shiny new award!  Good old brother, Cam has already got it all squared away in my sidebar.  Love the love!  It says I’m a “Superior Scribbler”…What I think she meant was “Demented”, but, I’m not gonna split hairs.  It was very sweet and I loves her for it!

Thanks SSG!

That’s it for me.  I gotta go wipe H’s butt.

Oh.  You think I’m kidding?

I’m not.  😉