Archive for the ‘ Cam ’ Category

OK, I’m back!

Right. You can stop holding your breath now.

Henrietta is gone, buried and the thank you notes are done. Now, in my “what’s next” mode of mind, comes…. nothing.

This is really rather odd. There was always “something” next. The sense of freedom is at the same time titillating  and scary. I am giddy with lack of responsibility and ability to run, willy-nilly, hither and yon, doing whatever I want whenever the mood strikes me. (And a ride is available.)

I miss Henrietta, yet the sense of relief that I feel was magnified by the immense relief that she felt as she took her last breath.

The girls are having to take turns with me. They both are desirous of my attention. Every. Single. Day.

“Go with me there, Mommy!” and “Come with me here, Mommy!” is what I am hearing constantly. And no. I’m not doing all the buying.

There was a small argument over who got custody of me the other day and I was egging them on telling them how proud I would be if they got in a fight over me. Heh. It was cool. Somehow my past good parenting crap paid off and they found some sort of middle ground. I happily went with whoever and was handed off later in the day.

I am telling you, I am in demand and there is no bedpan involved.

It’s weird.

Now the scary part is, well, financial as much as anything else. I need to find a way to replace the money that was coming into the household via Henrietta’s annuity.

Remember, I don’t drive due to a visual handicap I acquired in a 1978 automobile accident/head injury. All my other people drive, yet have jobs and/or go to school. So they are going to be undependable as far as reliable transportation.

I am sloooowly turning my thoughts towards that foot massager and the line of men that H was convinced I had filing through here paying me money for… a foot massage? I wish I was half as successful as she made me out to be. 😉

Meanwhile, in other parts of Gotham City…

My brother Cam, remember? The rock star? Yes, well he’s published, again. This time a British magazine named Web Designer has included his Periodic Table of Typefaces in their rather pricey pages. I have never paid $15.00 for a magazine before, much less bought three of them.

Yes, I really must love you, Cam… Anyway, congrats to you, bro!

I will get back soon and try really hard to catch up on my blog reading! Things are just starting to slow down around here!

Oh, and right before Henrietta passed I had announced a contest! It’s back on! Read these rules and let me hear from everyone! This is truly a wonderful pile of shit valuable cash and prizes I’m going to be giving away!

Blah, blah, blah…

“Reaching new levels of mediocrity…daily.”

My tagline. And now it’s gone!

And even though I continue to prove that I CAN INDEED, continue to do just what it claims, it’s not the same not having it up there. 🙁 <insert sad face here.

Color me pitiful. I want my baby brudder to come home from work, (where he is trying frantically to catch up since he missed a bunch of days while lounging around the hospital nursing a spider bite infection), and realize that the most important thing in the world now that his precious body is healed and he’s NOT going to die and all that other high-drama crap, is getting his darling sister’s blog back to normal.

OK, really? I know we’re all thinking the same thing. “Normal” isn’t all that for HalfAsstic. As a matter of fact “normal” could never be considered a HalfAssticism.

Sub-par, that is a good HalfAssticism.

Maybe, “almost adequate”? Or is that pushing it, as well? Whatev. That little guy up in this new masthead just rubs me the wrong way. I can’t even tell if he’s coming or going. What’s his story anyway? Are those sheep in the pasture on the left? Cows? Really short, fat horses? What? Who the hell planted all those trees? Were they really as anal retentive as it appears? Did Martha Stewart have a hand in any of this, cause the whole scene just smacks of Martha Stewart.

Have I ever mentioned how much I detest Martha Stewart? Oh yeah… here. Go directly to bullet number 8.

My nephew, Noah left with Kes and Gil to go back to Nana’s last night. *sigh* I miss him. He is such a delightful child.

Sasha Fierce bit my finger this afternoon when I was attempting to feed her a treat along with the other dogs. Index finger, right hand, deep gash on the ball of it. Lil’ bitch. I am so mad at her. I have repeatedly scolded her about being such a pig when she gets treats. I usually offer the treat in a balled up fist for her to sniff first and I push her nose back with the back of my hand and then slowly open it for her to take the treat. For some reason she calms down because she seems to know she has to and doesn’t rake her teeth over me.

Right. I will remember to do it next time, I can tell you that.

Baby got a clip and is a nudist now. She is walking around the house neck-id as a jaybird. My entire family has made fun of her figure now that we can see she is fat and not just fluffy.

They are so mean.

OK, I think I worked out the need to post… Yeah, I’m apologizing! Heh!

Bring your own condom.

  • Well, I don’t know if this thing is working right now or not. As you may have noticed… my site got the herpes with my last post… Or something.

I am not having any luck getting it straightened out and my stupid-brother, Cam, is in hospital when I NEED HIM! He’s nursing, what they suspect is, a couple of teeny, tiny black widow spider bites. Battling fever and body aches and a giant sore on his side.
The pansy-ass. He’s just doing this because I need him. He always was self-centered like this…
Here’s the latest picture I got from his iphone.

Doesn’t that look awful? Bless his heart. Really, I’m worried about him and am anxiously awaiting his return home. I am sure Melissa, his wife, is too.

  • Reading that title again…. wondering what kinds of pervs I’m going to get trolling through here…?
  • Actual conversation while we were shopping and looking around at ties for John.

I picked up one that was on clearance at Kohl’s and said, “Hey, this one is only $3.98.”

His immediate response: “How do you know?”

Really? Like I can’t read? Or did he think I was lying to him? The nut.

  • If you want to see a little dog flip completely out, watch while I start taking the toys out of Sasha’s crate. She goes nuts and frantically tries to grab them and haul them back in there as I’m working on it. Let me tell you, it is a battle of wills.
  • I am proud to say I win. Usually.
  • OK this is enough valuable information for now. I don’t want to get you all over stimulated and then tonight when you can’t sleep you’ll blame me.
  • You know you will!

I had a perfectly wonderful good decent acceptable post pulled together that was going to go up today, only all this other stuff happened that was MUCH better to talk about!

First of all I have been honored with a distinction of unequalled measure.  Witchypoo from over at Psychicgeek, has bestowed the coveted, (I’m guessing, cause gee, it’s really neato), Charming Award on me.  Yup.  It’s right here on me… trust me.  No, not really, you should probably never do that… at least with anything important. 😉

Aaaaanywho, there are directions with it to confuse my mushy little brain astound and amaze us all.  Prepare to applaud, whilst I exersize my copying and pasting skills.

Charming Award!

Charming Award!

Charming Award!

This award is given to the writers of blogs that “are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

Now, I am going to name my eight peeps and you really should stand and applaud.  Go ahead, nobody’s looking!  NO!  A golf clap will NOT do.  These kind souls deserve better than that!  I want to be able to hear it in south Texas.

That’s better.  (Cause I know you’re doing it, right?)


Angie of Big Hair Envy fame

Janet From The Planet of Janet

Tink at Pickled Beef

Kori at See Kori Rant

Predo at Spartacus Wore A Skirt

Karen at The Rocking Pony

Jean at Working Momma 247

Marylin at A Little Space For Me

THEN, as if this humongous privilege wasn’t enough, good ol’ Angie of Big Hair Envy tells me that she has drawn my name as one of the two winners of her “Pay it Forward” contest.

I am delighted about this and it’s going to be so much fun!

Here’s the exact, (cut and paste), wording of the famous Angie, herself, explaining the details of Pay It Forward.  It’s really quite easy.

I’m going to Pay It Forward to two commenter who leave me a message saying they would like to participate. I will randomly select the winners, and each will receive a gift from me! YAY! The only catch is that YOU must Pay It Forward on YOUR blog. Easy. Peasy.

Who’s in?
So there it is!  Just leave a comment saying you’re interested in playing and I’ll enter you into the contest!
Soon I’ll be receiving a gift from Angie and I’ll take photos and post all about it!
ALSO!  While delivering all this good news I have one more thing to toss out there!  I received an email from my dear brother, Cam the other day saying that there are new and different things available with his Periodic Table of Typeface on it!  I particuarily love the moleskine book cover!  There is a myraid of other things on the site that have been done with it.  Go check it out!
Stay tuned for an episode of “Stupid Criminals” next time! :-)

Remember this?  Well, Cam now has his Periodic Table of Typeface for sale in various forms.  Just click here for the information.

That thing has taken off like wildfire and I am SO happy for him.  I know he’s glad to get it out there and be done with the whole worry of what to do with it.  I’ve already ordered mine.  Go and get it!

Henrietta’s bed stopped working last night.  If you remember, it’s a hospital bed.  And if you’re new, my apologies while I whip out this fascinating story that, as per normal procedure, deals with an 86 year old woman, a wheelchair, diapers, poo, and bedpans. Eh…this is my life.


Anyway, I was scared she’d notice that she was being put to bed with it at an odd angle and not just raised up at the head with it bending in the middle.  I figured I’d find her in a heap at the foot of it this morning, but no.  She hadn’t worked her way that far down.

The problem was that it stopped raising and lowering after trying to lower the whole bed and only the foot went down.  Then, it wouldn’t move at all.  So after getting her fed, pooed, diapered, dressed, and drug into the wheelchair, the… bed maintenance man(?) showed up and literally beat hell out of a gizmo coming out of the motor with my hammer for about 20 minutes.


He finally decided to go out and get another foot board out of his box truck and replaced it and the whole thing finally went together as God intended all hospital beds to go together.

Of course Henrietta elected to sit in the room with us as this all took place and said at least one rosary while it was going on.  So I’m pretty sure she gets at least some of the credit for the repair.

I get credit for getting the poo smell out of the room with a can of Febreeze before the guy showed up.  Oh, that and finding a hammer for the only maintenance guy that shows up with no tools of his own.  A hammer that didn’t even fix the problem.

Remember the caregiver provider that worked for the other company that we were using and stole $100.00 out of my purse while I was taking a bath?  Well, I took another bath yesterday while Tanya was here and it was SO nice not to have to worry about anything.  And I’m not just saying that because I never have any money in my purse anymore, either!  Broke, broke, broke…

Our coffee maker has a water filter thing that is supposed to get changed every three months.  I just found the box I kept that the filter came in the last time I changed it and the date I had written on it was June 8, 2008?  Ten months.  It’s a wonder we’re all still alive.  John kinda freaked a tiny bit when I discovered it, but I wasn’t TRYING to kill us.  Sometimes it just works out that way.  It’s best if you can just handle these life and death situations with a chuckle.  (You pick that up around here after a while.)

Now!  In honor of my new camera, I have a few, widely varied pics to throw up, just simply because I can.  Observe.

John making a goofy face at me when I tell him to, “Look!” so I can get a truly candid “Him”. Yeah.  That’s about right…

“Seriously people, I just want to lie here and sleep. Get a life already.”

“Eh, I wasn’t kidding!”

This is truly one of my favorite finds lately.  Payless has this nifty little thingamajig for a mere $2.99 and it is a Godsend.  The sponge has some sort of oil(?) in it and it says on the bottom it is good for up to 100 uses.  You just wipe it over any leather or vinyl and it is shinier than you could ever do with anything else.  It is just as good as Armour All on the car dash and John’s dress shoes look much better than they ever looked with just shoe polish.  Also good on purses and leather jackets.  Love it!

We went downtown in Houston to the Medical Center to see one of John’s co-worker’s husband, who is in hospital with a brain aneurysm.  Spring is everywhere and I just couldn’t resist.  Sorry I didn’t crop out all the street first.  Oh well.

One of the older hospitals we drove by.  Apparently, it’s bigger than it looks.  That’s the tail roter and overhead blades of a helicopter on top of it.

And lastly, it’s probably poor form to take pictures of your spouse while he/she is sleeping, but I thought it was so funny that he had just consumed a brownie before bed and when I came in and looked at him there was irrefutable proof on his lip.  It looks kinda like a cold sore, but it’s not.  Just a treat for the morning…

Well folks, I warned you that it was random shit and I am a woman of my word.  I’m not going to apologize, you were warned.

Free toes, everybody!