Archive for the ‘ Blather ’ Category

Well, another miracle was preformed while Mither was here to force me to accomplish things help me out.

Remember this?

Yeah. That was October 11.


The stupid door finally got repainted.

Took about 10 minutes and one sample sized paint can that cost $5.00.

No. I don’t know why it took me so long to do it, except to say I just couldn’t decide on a color. I love red, but the neighbors across the street have a red door and I didn’t want to be a copy cat.

Yet, I really do love mine, now.


I have to give Mither a lot of the credit. She pushed me into going ahead and doing it. OK, she stood over me until it was done. OKAY! She helped me!

Er, maybe I helped her, whatev.

I really like it.

Do you think it’s turquoise because we’re Messicans?

John says I’m “Mexican by injection”. 😉

  • I have a bug bite on my arm that is itching like the dickens. This is odd because they usually don’t bite me. My family says it’s because I’m not sweet.

The dirty bastards.

  • John was off today and will be tomorrow and somehow we made it out of the house and ran errands and got at least a third of it done.
  • People will buy the damnedest shit on ebay. And over look some really great things that I felt sure would go. Weird. I never know what’s going to be snatched up.
  • We have dumped 5 bags of decomposed granite into the hole that Kes has wallowed out where she drives off the side of the driveway when she pulls in and out.

I think it will take another two and some crime scene tape to fix and maintain the levelicity of the yard.

  • “Levelicity” is totally a word because it is going to be in my Dicktionary, (when I get around to writing it), and it is practically self-explanatory. For instance I know my readers are too intelligent to need me to define it for them… 😉
  • Poor Keelan got into an auto accident the other day when some jerk ran a red light and T-boned her in the passenger side door. Her cute little red bug is in need of some body repair, and is in the shop, but the worst part is one of her best friends was in the car with her and has a shattered arm and severely bruised ribs.

Thank you God for side air bags and the fact that VW bugs are made of metal and not fiberglass. Otherwise this would have been a LOT more tragic.

As it is Keelan looks like she has a gigantic hickey on her neck where the shoulder belt caught her.

She SAYS this is not the look she’s shooting for.

  • There are bags of mulch outside waiting for me to dump them out into the flowerbeds and this is exciting!

How sad is that?

  • I have an actual, functioning guest room now and you are all invited over! We finally got around to buying a bed and I just recently bought the coverlet and the bed skirt is on order. When I go to pick it up I will get the two matching pillow shams because I know you people are too classy to sleep in a room that doesn’t have coordinating bedding.

There is a new blanket under there, too! Nothing but the best for you guys! I will even crack open a new cake of soap for the guest bath lavatory and break out the GOOD toilet paper! (When I say, “Your ass is safe with me!”, I’m not just being crude- but literal!)

Now, I just have to find some nightstands…

That’s a folding TV tray over on the other side of the bed.

Yeah… I know. I CAN DO BETTER!

Just go ahead and trust me and book your vacations at La Casa HalfAsstica today!

That’s all for now!


Blah, blah, blah…

“Reaching new levels of mediocrity…daily.”

My tagline. And now it’s gone!

And even though I continue to prove that I CAN INDEED, continue to do just what it claims, it’s not the same not having it up there. 🙁 <insert sad face here.

Color me pitiful. I want my baby brudder to come home from work, (where he is trying frantically to catch up since he missed a bunch of days while lounging around the hospital nursing a spider bite infection), and realize that the most important thing in the world now that his precious body is healed and he’s NOT going to die and all that other high-drama crap, is getting his darling sister’s blog back to normal.

OK, really? I know we’re all thinking the same thing. “Normal” isn’t all that for HalfAsstic. As a matter of fact “normal” could never be considered a HalfAssticism.

Sub-par, that is a good HalfAssticism.

Maybe, “almost adequate”? Or is that pushing it, as well? Whatev. That little guy up in this new masthead just rubs me the wrong way. I can’t even tell if he’s coming or going. What’s his story anyway? Are those sheep in the pasture on the left? Cows? Really short, fat horses? What? Who the hell planted all those trees? Were they really as anal retentive as it appears? Did Martha Stewart have a hand in any of this, cause the whole scene just smacks of Martha Stewart.

Have I ever mentioned how much I detest Martha Stewart? Oh yeah… here. Go directly to bullet number 8.

My nephew, Noah left with Kes and Gil to go back to Nana’s last night. *sigh* I miss him. He is such a delightful child.

Sasha Fierce bit my finger this afternoon when I was attempting to feed her a treat along with the other dogs. Index finger, right hand, deep gash on the ball of it. Lil’ bitch. I am so mad at her. I have repeatedly scolded her about being such a pig when she gets treats. I usually offer the treat in a balled up fist for her to sniff first and I push her nose back with the back of my hand and then slowly open it for her to take the treat. For some reason she calms down because she seems to know she has to and doesn’t rake her teeth over me.

Right. I will remember to do it next time, I can tell you that.

Baby got a clip and is a nudist now. She is walking around the house neck-id as a jaybird. My entire family has made fun of her figure now that we can see she is fat and not just fluffy.

They are so mean.

OK, I think I worked out the need to post… Yeah, I’m apologizing! Heh!

Hello? Is anyone still out there?

Er, Hi… This is awkward, I feel like I should reintroduce myself. I have been an absentee blogger, mother of a latchkey blog, deadbeat blogger, take your pick. It’s all true. I should be ashamed. Yet, here I sit feeling, for all the world, like, “As soon as they hear my excuses, I’ll be off the hook and nobody will blame me for abandoning my baby blog.”

Well, enough’s enough. I am back and for the moment, (actually, for a lot of moments), I feel completely overwhelmed by all the stuff that’s been happening and trying to relate it to you, so I will begin and at least hit the high points. OK, the low ones too, cause you know there were some low points. This IS the HalfAsstic life I lead.

When last I was here I believe I was relating that H was out of hospital and on hospice. Man o’ man I ‘d forgotten what at freakin’ thrill ride that shit is. For about 4 days my house was an endless parade of nurses, aides,  men from the medical supply place and drug delivery. It was aaaaall coming back to me.  When H was first moved in with us, straight out of the hospital, five years ago, she was on hospice. So I’ve done this before, it’s just been a long time.

She remained on hospice for two years and then was “graduated off” and went onto home health care. Which is a nurse that comes to visit however many times a week she needs it, (Two), and an aide comes out and gives her a bed bath however many times a week she will tolerate it. (Five)

So here is Henrietta, looking for all the world like she could die at any minute and apparently I was trying to do a sympathy thing by killing myself in the process.

Take a look at these:

First of all I realize I don’t put my picture on here often. I take horrible pictures and I am the one that’s always behind the camera anyway, so taking bad ones combined with not getting it taken often, well, you get the…picture. groan

I look similar to this chick down here, only I don’t normally walk around looking like I have a thyroid condition unless someone says smile and I start doing the bug-eyed thing attempting not to blink. Whatever.

Right, so now you have a base line. Let’s see how things have been going for me this past couple of weeks, shall we?

First of all I would like to state that John does NOT beat me. I am sure there have been times he was tempted to in the past 21 years of marriage, yet, to this very day, it hasn’t happened. There really is no need when I can do such a… bang up job, all by myself.

Exhibit A

That goose egg on my forehead? Totally self inflicted. Remember some time ago when I explained why I don’t drive and all about my head injury when I was a teenager, the vision loss was a part of that whole post and if you remember, (and even if you don’t), I explained how I am blind from the center of the normal field of vision to the left. All the way. Aaaaanyway, the damn washstand, that has been sitting there in the exact same spot since we moved in here five years ago, all of the sudden jumped out and underneath me when I was bending over and I never saw it coming since it was praying on my handicap. Stupid washstand. I would like to say that it is now kindling in firewood pile, but it’s really rather pretty and antique and goes with the bedroom set.

I did, however use a considerable amount of profanity immediately following the impact.

Next we have,

Exhibit B

This is what happens to you when you’ve only gone through half of the zombie change.

I was just innocently rubbing my eye, (gently, even), and a blood vessel broke and it hurt like hell. My eye wept constantly for a couple of days. I mean to the point that I would wake up during the night and there would be a wet spot on my pillow the size of a silver dollar. Just gross.

I got the goose egg first and it was really pretty much gone when I got the zombie eye. My eyebrows tell the tale as well. Goose egg Krissa had just had them waxed recently. Zombie eye Krissa is needing it again. Bad. But, honestly? When sporting an eyeball like that? Who would be looking at my eyebrows?

That’s enough of that crap. I will post again soon so I can catch you up on the roller coaster ride that is The HalfAsstic Lifestyle.

Oh, PS and all that, I am looking normal again, now. OK, well, normal as can be expected.

Twenty-one, (That’s 21, people!), years ago today I married that man! I had to. He was begging me, and groveling!  Oh, the tears and wailing! He camped outside my window and sang serenades to me.

OK, that’s a lot of horseshit. Anyone who knows John, knows he can’t sing.

And, yes, the other bit about the begging and whatnot. It was pretty much a mutual decision. BUT, we’re both happy we made it and that’s what counts!

He woke me up this morning with gifts and I am totally thrilled with the new things. I… guess you could say I, “collect” wedding rings. I have several that I like to alternate and they are all very unique, not even necessarily wedding rings, just serve that purpose on that finger. He knows this and thinks I’m just quirky as opposed to nuts. I still haven’t told him he’s wrong. Please don’t spill the beans.

Aaaaaanyway, He got me a new ring from James Avery. I would show you a picture of it on my hand, but I don’t feel like getting the camera and downloading and cropping and adjusting lighting and all that crap. Besides, I need a manicure. So you are just going to have to deal with the links and know that I am wearing it right this minute. I love it. And he also got me a new dress I’d been eying at the mall. Maybe you’ll get a picture of that eventually. Maybe not. Remember- I’m nutz. 😉


The other day I was over here at Nicole’s and she had this fab looking recipe for Spaghetti Casserole. I printed it up and made it soon afterward.

It was De-lish! as Rachel Ray would say. It made a full sheet-cake pan and we were loving it! Not to mention we dig leftovers! Maybe not the next day, but the day after. However with this recipe we were all over it the next day. Lunch’s were done! Or, you could just put one half in the freezer before baking like she suggested, and make it in two square pans.

Anyway, you need this recipe. I said so. 😉

Next up, I’m going to make JennyMac’s Savory St. Patrick’s Day Potato Muffins!

That’s all I got, folks!