HalfAsstic.com

OK, I guess you can’t really call this a “post” so much as a “bring to your attention statement”.  But, see, that would have made a lousy name up there in the title place.

Here’s the dealy-o.  Hy brother, Cam, has whipped up a button for me and included a handy dandy batch of code to go with it.  I am humbly begging, imploring, AND beseeching inviting anyone who feels stirred to do so to include it in their sidebar.  Hey, I’d do it for you!

I have to admit something now and I’m almost not ashamed to do it.  I know there is probably a 12 step program somewhere out there to help me, but I’m just not to that point yet.  You know, how you have to sink to the bottom to get to where you are ready to be helped?  Well I am admitting I am a bit of a comment whore, but I just want comments now.  No intervention.  Yet.

So if you read and have never commented, help support my habit, needs and leave a comment.  Oh, and try to be nice.  But if you can’t I’ll try to understand.  I feel much better now, having shared.

The two girls and boyfriend left at 7:00 AM and made it here at 2:00 PM.  They report not running into any traffic at all and only taking one wrong turn, (of which I am very proud of them because they navigated a different way to get to the freeway with the map instead of turning around and looking for the missed road).  Plus, they are all terribly excited to have discovered that “up yonder”, (I have raised nothing if not a bunch of little hicks), they have convenience stores with Monster Slurpeeies.  I don’t mean  just large Slurpeeies, I mean nasty Slurpeeies made with Monster Energy drinks.  Black ones.  Eww.  But nothing delights my brand of little weirdo’s like a high energy, insane sugar, black, vomit-tasting, Icee.

They report having tons of fun and were really not happy to have to come home so soon.  They all go back to work tomorrow.

The boyfriend and Kes went out to Pop’s gun range on the back 40 and shot, well, I am guessing a number of different guns, rifles, slingshots, bow and arrows, anti-aircraft artillery…you get the idea.  Pop reports that he wants to be careful and never get them mad at him because they are both really good shots.  Keelan didn’t want to go do that, we don’t know why.  I guess she was busy getting into mischief somewhere else.

They lit up the sky with fireworks, (no burn ban outside the city limits this year, Woo-Hoo!), and went to my auntie-poo’s house in Burleson where they have been busy installing a GIGANTIC pool.  I keep getting these partial pictures of it and I am having a hard time picturing the entire thing so I asked if somebody couldn’t take a shot from the upstairs balcony.  No, I had already been sent these shots and they are going to have to get some aerial shots to get the whole shebang in a photograph.  It is impossible for me to imagine it, I guess.  I can remember the area it has  been built in quite well.  It has a beach entrance on one end and a built in hot tub, waterfall along with grotto behind it, a vanishing edge and a milliondy-gillion gallons of water.  That link of the vanishing edge is NOT their pool.  I just wanted a good example of one.  I want some good pictures!  My uncle is a pool builder by trade and his son, (my cousin), is in the business with him.  They do all kinds of pools and have many, many years of experience.  The name of their company is Sun-Ray Pools.  There.  A plug I wasn’t really even planning on doing!  But this should help explain how they came about getting a pool with every single bell and whistle known to man.  Anyway, they know what they’re doing.

While I’m plugging my family, my auntie-poo raises and breeds Maine Coon Cats.  They are the largest breed of domestic cat there is and really very beautiful.  Her establishment is called Amerrykoon Maine Coon Cattery.  Interested in a huge cat?  She, literally, ships all over the world.

John and I went to the movie yesterday!  How many years has it been since I went to a movie?  I have no idea.  We saw the new Indiana Jones one and while it was a bit hokey, my gawd, of course it was, it was Indiana Jones!  It was good.  A ton of action and one long, continuous chase scene.  Bad guys and good guys clearly defined by their Nazi uniforms and Russian accent/fedora and American accent.  Harrison Ford is still HAWT!  I guess he will be till he dies.  Anyway, I have to say that the movie experience would not have happened if my SIL hadn’t offered to stay here while we went.  So I am grateful for that.  However, I lost enthusiasm for my appreciation when SIL left the room and H told me to give her $20.00 of her money.  I said, “Why?” and she said, “Well….because she came and took care of me….”  I said, “Henrietta, she is your daughter.  You’re not supposed to have to pay her to come and take care of you.”  I came very close to yelling, I DON’T GET PAID, I’M NOT YOUR DAUGHTER, AND I TAKE CARE OF YOU 24 HOURS A DAY, 7 DAYS A WEEK, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF THE TWO HOURS SIL COMES AND STAYS WITH YOU LAST THING ON SUNDAY NIGHTS, usually.  This week she really came through.  Anyway, she just can’t stand it.  She gets so few visitors that if anyone, even her daughter shows up she impulsively pushes cash and gifts on them before they go.  So I wrote her a check.

Oh, I forgot!  The best part!  The sound was screwed up during all of the previews and once or twice during the movie and someone had to keep going and getting someone to go to the projection room and fix it somehow.  So when the whole thing was over there was a guy handing everyone a free coupon for another movie.  So I have another date, people!  Wonder who I’ll take….tee hee hee

Finally.  Kessa, boyfriend, and Keelan have just departed to go to my mither and Pop’s house for the long weekend.  They left here about 10:00pm and are going to drive about 7 hours north to the Ft. Worth area.  Decatur, Texas, to be exact.  It’s a small town an hour north of Ft. Worth.  I told them that it would be a much smoother trip and less traffic if they would go late at night because with the holiday weekend, they could be in traffic for hours if they left as soon as boyfriend is off work…

None of them have done a road trip without some responsible adult driving them before.  Rightfully, they quake in fear.  I got a Texas map and highlighted the entire route and then sat down with a little yellow pad and wrote down turn by turn how to get there, what roads to watch for, informative bullshit that they will raise an eyebrow to and call me names to one another when they get to it, cause they are all full of themselves making it all the way to….oh, I dunno, Dew, Texas without adult supervision.  I told them to behave themselves going through Huntsville.  State prisons, lots of prisons.  Anna Nicole Smith lived in Mexia,(pronounced Ma-hay-ah), Texas and worked at the fried chicken place on the right side of the road.  Kes kept finding reasons to call it Mex-e-ah like the 18 year old she is, just to annoy me.  THAT’S OK, SHE’S GONE AND NANA AND POP’S PROBLEM NOW!  BAHAHAHAHAH! (maniacal laughter fading out….)

I am sure they will have a great time and they are super excited about going.  The only thing that would have made the whole thing soooo much better is if I could have gone.  SIL could have totally come and stayed with H over the holiday weekend and I really wanted to, but, I cannot picture me in the backseat of a Mustang with my knees tucked up under my chin for 6 1/2 to 7 hours.  Kes and boyfriend are driving and boyfriend is 6′2″ and certainly can’t get into the backseat.  Keelan who would be back there with me is taller than me and, her legs are even longer than mine.  Loooooong.  So, no.  I can’t do that.  I thought about us taking our Trailblazer.  It even has three rows of seats for any hitch-hikers with knives we might see to pick up.  Seemed the perfect choice, but, we need new tires and can NOT afford to outfit it with such at this point.  So no road trip for the Trailblazer.

So now it’s just John, H and me.  H is in bed and John is working late.  Guess who’s gonna be running around the house naked when he gets home?  Er, no, not H.

1. When it’s raining like this I love to clean house.  Well, maybe “love” is a strong word to use, but I like to,  Wonder why?

2. I wonder who has been reading my blog for so long that lives on or near Long Island NY.  They have been reading almost everyday since day one, and I don’t think they have ever commented.  I wanna know you people!  Er, HI!  Leave a comment for goodness sake!  Introduce yourself.  I can be very nice and not too terribly scary at all.  Well, when I’m really trying, anyway.  I swear I won’t stalk you!  Not any more than I already have….  M’k?

3. I wonder how many calories I eat every day in nothing but CARBS.  I loves me some pasta and rice!  Oh Oh! and bread and pretzels and popcorn!  I need an intervention.

4. I wonder what ever happened to our Maine Coon cat.  He just decided to stay down the road at someone else’s house a couple of months ago and he would show up here and eat occasionally but not often, because she was feeding him too.  We would see him laying about in people’s driveways and yards also.  But for the last few weeks he hasn’t been spotted.  Is somebody feeding him better food than us?   He always was fickle.

5.Our cell phone contract is up this month, (Hallelujah!), so long Cingular/ATT!  I think we are going with Verizon…wonder what phone to get?

6.The (now, mama) possum visiting our cat food is going to be caught tomorrow night as I have located a live trap and we will swing by and pick it up tomorrow on John’s day off.

7.  Amazing how greened up everything got when it finally rained.  It looks like spring outside instead of summer.

8.WHY is it like pulling teeth to get out of here.  I want to leave NOW.  We actually can leave NOW and yet John is in there cleaning up the kitchen or piddling on the computer in the bedroom or something and it’s always “just a minute…”.  I swear if he wasn’t so damn cute…!

9. No Possum Trapping Tonight!  John had the good sense to call the animal shelter place in Texas City and ask if they had any live traps available, (they are out right now), before we went all the way over there and came away empty handed.  DAMN.  I was all excited about going trappin’ and I’ve been practicing my east Texas/redneck accent all day! GONNA CATCH ME SOME POSSUM, AND COOK ET AN FIX ME SOME VITTLES, YA’LL.

Poor older daughter has now contracted the evil virus that has marauded through this family. The elderly, delicate immune system of H didn’t contract this plague. Kes did. Go figure. After John and I did. I have to take the credit here for starting the entire epidemic.

The poor child is very susceptible to sinus infections and is trying hard to hold one off. I like to think she inherited only good things from me. I lie to myself about this a lot.

Yesterday when I went with her to Walmart, I picked up a thing I’d been toying with trying for a while. It’s called a neti pot. I had seen Dr. Oz do a demonstration with an unsuspecting audience member on Oprah. It looked very easy and he said it’s been around for hundreds of years. Also, the lady that tried it suffered with sinusitis and she really liked it. So I mixed it up and walked slowly cause I am so freakin old ran upstairs to try it out for the first time to show Kes how to do it and have her try it. It worked just like it was supposed to and so she did it and finally got some flow going through. A LOT of impacted snot came out and she felt much better. She could even breathe through her nose. Click on the link and watch the video and you will see why I went up there knowing I would need to demonstrate it’s use before I would ever be able to convince her to try to use it. It seems like it would hurt immensely to me, just because it hurts so much when you get water up your nose. But, it really doesn’t and it feels sooooo much better when you are congested. Or have allergies!

I am convinced all of you people on the intertubes should get one and use it the next time you feel snotty. Snotty, not snobby. Well, I guess you could use it if you feel snobby…but why?

John called from work and said the dickhead in charge there wants a current copy of his resume, could I please email it on over. Uhh, YES. Am I wrong or is it only a good thing if he wants to see this?

WordPress doesn’t acknowledge the word “dickhead”. Or there is another spelling I am unaware of. Apparently WP has never met this guy.

Mo’ later.

I finally put up the new tie rack that my pop made and Mither and Auntie-Poo brought with them when they came to visit last week. No more ties on the floor! I can’t wait until John gets home and sees! Now he owes me-big time!

Behold! The Wall O’ Ties.

I am sorry there was no post for “Fecal Friday”. I was not here and, truth be told, I dealt with no poo yesterday. How did I escape the poo? I will tell you.

I left with my daughter about 6:00AM to drive to downtown Houston for the second day of Orientation. AND I am happy to report that I didn’t get separated from the herd. However things didn’t go smoothly to start off. We were running on schedule and Kes went out to start the car while I collected my purse or put on earrings or some such thing. She came back in looking stricken and said, “My car won’t start. MOM, MY CAR WON’T START!” At this point John, (who was sleeping in and trying hard to get over the virus I gave him), woke up and came outside. “Kes, are you sure it’s in park?” Check. She tried to start it and it was evident it was either the battery, the starter or alternator. You know that noise…errrrrerrrrerrrrrerrrrr, nothing. So we looked under the hood and saw that one post on her battery was completely covered with corrosion. I ran in the garage and got a wire brush and came out and attacked it. With the first stroke of the brush a tiny, evil particle of…corrosion? battery acid? whatever, flicked straight into my right eye. OH MY GAWD! I have never felt anything burn that bad in my life. Not in my eye. Anyway, while I am in the house rinsing my eye out, Kes and John come to the conclusion that Kes will drive us there in John’s car and he will take our pickup to work. We were running a tad behind at this point and Kes was having an apoplectic fit to leave. (Have I ever mentioned that she is a bit… high strung? Tightly wound? Oh hell, she’s a stereotypical, type A personality. Not a lot of fun to live with sometimes.) So I run out and climb in the car with ALL the eye makeup missing from my right eye. I swear, she glanced at me, started to comment, made this microscopic head shake and started the car and backed out almost all in one move. I waited until we were almost there and the burning had subsided somewhat, to reapply some mascara. The red, swollen eye combined with my chapped red nose from the SINUS INFECTION FROM HELL, had me looking particularly…what…hungover? disgusting? I am not sure, but it was bad.

I should have taken a box of Puffs Plus with me because I sat through hours of one professor after another stress THE EXACT SAME THINGS, OVER AND OVER, while I repeatedly blew my nose into a red paper cocktail napkin. (UH Cougars, colors-red and white.) By the end of the day there was no way to tell if my nose was red from constantly blowing it into sandpaper a paper napkin, or if the color on said napkin ran and stained my nose. I lived though. Maybe because I knew that by the time I got home John would be at work as would younger child and H would have already been pooped and diapered, washed and dressed, drug into wheelchair and rolled into living room. OH! And fed!

That’s right, people. Behold. The power of the federal government, finally put to use for good and not evil. It is paying for a company named Home Health Providers, or HHP, to send a “Caregiver Provider” to our house TWO, (2) times a week! Note the title says “caregiver provider” as in providing ME, the caregiver with help. LOVE the concept. This lady does the same thing the aide for Home Health Care did as far as the bath and dressing, twice a week, BUT! WILL STAY FOR THREE, (3!) HOURS WHILE I LEAVE AND GO WHERE EVER THE HELL I WANT. WOO-HOOOOOO. So don’t call me on Tuesdays or Fridays between the hours of 1:00PM and 4:00PM. I WILL BE GONE. Probably. At the very least I will be in the bathtub. FOR 3 HOURS!