Archive for the ‘ Strange ’ Category

First off at Chez Lopez, the freakin phone is missing.  This irritates me no end as I have to carry the remaining downstairs phone around with me everywhere I go or sprint from one end of the house to the other when the damn thing rings because I will, inevitably, be where it’s not.  It doesn’t make much difference if I’m not expecting a phone call.  They can just leave a message or not.  But when I am waiting for the nurse to call me back or one of the kids to call or some such thing, it is damn inconvenient.

Have you seen this phone, except with “Handset 1″ on the screen?  I will pay you to tell me where it is.  No, that’s not like a ransom… that would be desperate, and hey, I’m not desperate.  Not at all.  NOW WHERE IS IT!

The last time it was missing I found it in the window sill in the bathroom.  Yeah.  In answer to your question, oh obvious one, I don’t know.  Since I refuse to take it in with me to potty I am assuming it was hanging on my waistband when I went to empty H’s pee can, but who can really be sure?  Not me.

This is where it was before and now it’s not and yes I looked inside that candle thing.  It’s not there.  I have also looked all the other places.

Oh, by now you realize how serious this is to me and are thinking, “Gee, Krissa, why not just page it from the base?”  Well aren’t you brilliant?  (Ooo.  Did that sound snarky?  I’m a touch irritable today, bare with me.)  I will tell you why.  The ringer is turned off.  This is a gift(?) from my husband who hates the phones ringing and turns off the ringers when he comes home from work because the kids are the only ones getting calls on them by that time anyway.  They answer them upstairs.  This is the second day it’s been missing, so it will be dead soon anyway.

So I am awaiting that info on the phone location and will take anonymous tips if you are too scared to tell me you took it.

You should be.

Moving right along.

Remember this?  Well, it turns out that the $10.00 wine cooler/chiller (whatever!) was missing a little pin in the top of the door to hold it on the hinge.  No biggie, right?  So John and I hunted around at the local hardware store for something that would work and we picked up a little 49 cent deal that looked like it would work and, indeed, it fit fine.  However it would shimmy up, out of the hole a bit every time the door was opened and closed.  So I went online to Emersonradio.com, got the phone number and called.  The guy made no promises but told me that they had some replacement parts in the warehouse to send out, but the things are made in China and he kind of doubted that the door hinge pin was one of the things that were kept over here.  In the good ol’ US.  So he was going to put in a request and if they had it they would send it to me.

I never expected to hear from them again.

Well, yesterday Fedex dropped this on my doorstep.

I mean, can you see why I had no idea what it could be?  It is, quite literally, the size of my toaster oven.

Filled to the top with the huge-bubble bubble wrap.  (The kind that is REALLY fun to pop and scare the dogs with!)  And nothing else.

At least that’s what I thought at first.  And then on closer inspection, MUCH closer, I finally found a teeny-tiny pin for the door hinge.

Here it is.  In place and holding the door perfectly.

$10.00 for wine cooler.

Free shipping on the free pin for the door.

About $12.00 for the two bottles of cheapish wine we got on sale inside it.

This is where I’m supposed to say something is “Priceless”, but, really?  Who am I kidding?

Ding Bat and Doofus

Every night about 9:30 to 10:00, I notice that the dogs are milling about looking at me expectantly.  Standing in front of the door way into the utility room, staring at me. Intensely.   If I am in my bedroom they stand in the doorway out in the hall and look at me.  When I walk toward them they take off running toward the utility room and stop and look back to make sure I am indeed coming and not going into any other areas of the house.  The simple question, “You ready for bed?” garners much excitement.

Kissy is staring at the utility room HARD.  Her telepathic messages were beginning to give me a headache.

Baby is just doing the pouty thing that says, “Hey, you really do need to snap to and carry out your duties, but I’m still on your side.”.

Maybe if we both stare at it at the same time…WHILE looking pathetic…

That’s all they want.  For me to put them to bed.

The door to the utility room stays open.  All the time.  All they need to do is walk in there and get in bed.  The spoiled brat little freaks little dears are just waiting for me to cover them up, pet them, tell them good night, and turn out the light before shutting the door.

Baby is even smiling for her photo op, she’s so happy to be in bed.

I SWEAR I DON’T WORK THEM ALL DAY, DEPRIVING THEM OF REST, THEY’RE JUST WEIRD!

The freakin’ give away was SUPPOSED to be yesterday and I forgot!  So here it is, today.  I did the random number generator thing as I said I was going to and our winning number is 5.  When numbered in order, the unconscious mutterings number 1-12 and number 5 is… (drum roll please)… Sabrina!

So, dear, please send me your info and I will get them sent right out to you when I head to the post office here sometime in the next 6 months.

I really will try to get them straight out.  Soon. ish.

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Henrietta is doing better today.

Oh, I don’t think I ever let on what was going on with her.  Well, she was going a bit… bat shit crazy and we couldn’t figure out why.  I left strict instructions that they were not to, under ANY circumstances, run any bizarre tests on her or give her any extra, (different) meds without contacting me for approval first.

They didn’t.  She has just been getting the same old Levaquin IV antibiotic that she always gets and she has been hallucinating all kinds of totally off the wall stuff.  In true Henrietta fashion it is all very dark, negative, and pessimistic.

We finally decided the antibiotic must be doing it and the nurses were tired of reassuring her that there were no “large black men” going in her room through her window at night scaring her.  Did not matter how many times I explained she was on the forth floor and no one could get to it, she insisted that men were sitting their chair up against her window outside.  Children were looking in at her and she kept telling me to look for myself the children were looking in right then and I could see them too if I tried.  Last night she told John and I, with tears in her eyes, that the nurse had told her that she has multiple sclerosis and is going to die from it.

I am sure that what happened was the nurse mentioned something about her scoliosis and she, (being THE most negative person in the world), mixed it up to be multiple sclerosis.  Given opportunity, she would have incorporated Lyme disease in there somehow.  But, no.  I had to nix everything and tell her the truth.  I am such a joy kill morose mood destroyer.

Yup.  Just call me MMD.

Well, they took her off the Levaquin and started her on something else yesterday and she seems fine today.  Woo-Hoo!

Vestal Virgin? Really?

John and I have been invited to another murder mystery party.  Last year it was held on New Year’s Eve and the theme was the old west.  I have forgotten what my name was, Adella something, but I was a widow and John was a sheriff or some such law man.  We had quite elaborate costumes and most of the people there did, too.  It was loads of fun.

This year they are having it on the 31st and the theme is ancient Rome.  We received an invitation that had two copies of the same cast of characters in it and on each list there was one name that was highlighted.  One of the characters was a Roman Senator and the other was a Vestal Virgin.  So I kinda took things into my own hands and told John I was going to be the senator and he was going to be a vestal virgin.  I had to explain how funny this was going to be a few times before I got him on board with the whole plan.  After all they didn’t assign us the rolls they just indicated that these were the two that we were supposed to play.

Mither and I went out and bought John some false eyelashes and found an old costume for him to wear and fashioned a veil from some pink organza and a laurel of silk roses.   He already has some leather flip flops that he can wear and I will wrap pink ribbon up his legs to look like Roman sandals.

He will be a real head turner.  I have to stop making remarks about his “virginity”.  He seems quite sensitive about this.  He said something like, “Gosh, it’s been a long time since I was a virgin… at least 5 years…”

I told him that the Romans didn’t wear anything under their toga’s but I really think it would be a good idea if he did cause we wouldn’t want anyone to think he was “easy” or anything since he IS playing the part of a virgin.

My costume is fairly elaborate in that it is about a million miles of white cotton fabric trimmed in purple rope gimp.  We worked long and hard on how to… toga it.  I kinda hate to think about cutting it down smaller since it was originally a valance in my dining room and may have a future as such again.

I have some other fancy stuff to my get-up, but I will take pictures and show you after the party.  I am looking forward to it and John said that there is NO WAY I will be allowed to post a picture of him dressed as a woman.  I will just tell him to put his veil down and no one will see his face.  Heh.

Picture purge

Hello intertubes!  I don’t have TOO terribly much to say, and it’s probably a good thing as I’m pretty much all typed talked out.

There are these nagging pics on my camera that I took and want to keep, but am not really sure why and they are a bit…leftoverish.

DISCLAIMER:

You will now be subjected to them.

John, New Year’s Eve at our friend’s house with a blanket wrapped around him cause he was freezing to death as he didn’t wear a jacket like his smart, intelligent, always right wife told him to.  It looks a bit grainy, I guess cause I took it on ISO with and he is illuminated by distant fireworks/streetlamp.  Oh hell, I dunno.  This new camera is still a bit of a mystery to me.


My guilty secret, hidden in my freezer.  No, not the bottle of vodka.  Next to it.  The bag of minty good Three Musketeers bite size wonders.   My reason for living through Christmas.

John is such a BIG boy!  He concentrates carefully on getting two cups of coffee back to us at, yet another date at La Madeleine’s.  Maybe next time we could dress up a little for our date?

More evidence of our lunch date while playing with my new camera and trying to see how clear I could get a close up shot.   Well, we can clearly see that the table needs re-varnishing and a cup of coffee is $2.00! Ridiculous.

This just makes me laugh.  Tell me the truth.  If this didn’t have “Media Mail” stamped all over it, wouldn’t it look just like one of those packages of cocaine, or weed you see on TV that the cops are always finding in door panels of cars coming over the border?  I left it sitting in the car seat while we were eating breakfast at afore mentioned restaurant and half expected to see a cop peering in at it when we came out.

Just to prove what a good, kind, loving, adequate pet owner I am I have given our ancient cat her own heat lamp.  It shines on nothing but her 13 year old body.  She loves me best.

Gratuitous cat pic.  Again, I love that ISO setting!  She looks as if she’s deciding between a nap and a long hot bath with one of those books… Oh, wait a minute, that was me.

Her other favorite place to hang out.  As long as there’s a jacket or something to curl up in…

I’ve been trying to get a good shot of the wall treatment I recently finished in my bathroom.  The wall paper was HORRIBLE, straight out of the mid ’80’s.  I took some drywall compound and textured right over it with a wide putty knife and then, when it dried, (just a few hours), I held up a stencil of a fleur di lis and swiped more compound over it.  Then, just lifting the stencil off leaves a raised fleur di lis.

After that Mither came to visit and we painted it light lavender and finished it off with a dark purple glaze for that aged look I don’t want on my face but, for some reason, think is good on the walls.  Oh and then I silver leafed the fleur di lis.  AND if all that fleur di lis stuff wasn’t enough pretentious French talk, I then said, “VOILA!”

Here’s a close up of a…fleur.  heh

And here is my guilty secret.  The strip of wall paper that I didn’t get done, below the mirrored cabinet and above the backsplash.  I didn’t notice it until I sat down on the… well, you know… where you sit when you go into a bathroom…  I don’t go in there much as it’s the guest bath.  Anyway, the wallpaper looks like someone got drunk and threw up many, many different colors of paint all over the walls.  It was BAD.  I sat down on that same, er, receptacle to take the pic and you can se the top of my head in the mirror.

OK, where I was just sitting to take that last shot.

HEY, MY PANTS WERE UP!