HalfAsstic.com

Hello there.  I would like to start out by clarifying one thing:

When I paint the door, it will only be the outside.  The inside is in great condition and there is absolutely no reason to paint it.  The outside, however, is not so good.  I will take a picture and show you, my speculative intertubers.

Here it is all peeling and weather beaten.  Not to mention the chick that lives here needs to sweep the porch, but she’s a slacker and let’s not discuss that now.

Purrrza wants in and is TRYING to be patient while I snap stupid pictures!  She thinks, “Damn I wish she’d paint this ugly door!  I’m embarrassed to live here and all the neighborhood cats think I’m low maintenance.  BUT I’M NOT!  If I flatten my ears back a little bit more she’ll know I’m really pissed and mean business.  GET THIS *&%$#! DOOR OPEN!”

Purrrza: Oh Gawd!  The stupid dog, now… what more must I put up with?  How come she’s inside and I’m out here?

Baby: Momma!  How come Purrrza is outside and I don’t get to come out?  MOM, what are you doing?

MOM?

OK, Kissy is here too now Mom and she wants out too… I’m telling you, you don’t want us to call the union!

And lastly, just because it’s hanging on my porch and I was out there anyway I took a picture of this plaque that my brother and sister-in-law gave to John and I a few years ago for Christmas.  Does anyone recognize the quote and know from where it came?

Well, today I spent the majority of my time at Lisa’s house with her three year old grandson, Bryen and her son’s girlfriend, Megan.  We worked hard and emptied out her entire kitchen, (except for the pantry), and put every single thing in any cabinet or on any counter top in her dining room on the table.  Now if those SOB’s don’t show up to put in those cabinets tomorrow I will, personally find somebody to castrate.  You just don’t take a woman’s, (or a man’s, for that matter), kitchen away from them and not follow through with your promises to give it back, only better.

Here’s Lisa, Megan and Bryen hard at work while I walk around aimlessly snapping pictures…as it should be.

Good Gawd.  That was a lot of shit to move into the other room.

These pictures, I offer as proof of how badly she needed this redo.  I have known Lisa for 13 or 14 years now and she has wanted to do something with this house for a very, very long time.  Well she is doing it up right!

Her walls are sheet rocked and painted really beautiful earthy colors.  It as so much fun picking out the paint chips!  We even had professional help!  (Lisa keeps telling me I need professional help… wonder if that’s what she meant…)

Living room with the couch sitting in the middle with the cushions upended.  The cat and dogs are not welcome.  Yet.  The furniture isn’t coming back in yet.  Still some touching up the painters have to do and SOMETHING has to get done about that fireplace wall.  We have plans for it.

I love the paprikaish colored wall thrown in just for good measure!  Lisa’s idea and she was on fire.  It is a short little wall around the corner and is just one side of the foyer.

I wish I had pics of before it was painted!  It was bad and dark, and paneled in the living room and the LR and hall, along with the kitchen, breakfast area and utility room all had tragic flooring.  The living room was an unfortunate carpeting choice that she made years ago, (with me there assisting) and it was a horrible, stinky, stained mess.  (Lisa and husband, Roger have two large outside dogs that tend to smell.  A lot.  And even with the giving of a bath, this is not rectified.  Stinky. Dogs.  They are supposed to stay outside, but someone I will not name, (starts with Rog and ends with er), tends to let the stinky dogs in when Lisa isn’t at home.  I think he’s scared to stay by himself.  I am sure he would dispute this.

This is in the breakfast room.  Can you tell we had only just gotten started bringing stuff in here at this point?

They also have two small inside dogs and a cat.  Housebreaking the dogs and having the cat puke hairballs all over the place for ages has just worn the sanitary out of the carpet.

The kitchen, breakfast area and utility room all had terrible old sheet vinyl that was original to the house, built in the 60’s.  Now it is this awesome large Italian porcelain tile.

Strange side note:  Every time Lisa takes pictures in her house with her camera she gets all those weird little circles and light spots on the pictures.  You can see them above and I think in all these shots.  I never have that problem so I brought my camera.  These pictures are with my camera and there are still all the weird little spots.  What’s up with that?  Are they haints?  If so there certainly are a lot of them and they better not smurf up the new paint job.

Oh!  That’s the little antique oak table I am SO GENEROUSLY GIVING UP OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF MY HEART.  (I’ll kill her if she tries to put that thing back in my garage.)

Ok.  It pains me to say this but there is some bad news in the way of our friendship.  I am afraid I am going to have to report Lisa to the SPCA.  I even have photographic proof.  Before I show you these disturbing pictures I will explain what has, obviously, been going on.

Lisa has been contributing to the obesity, (I mean incredibly obese), of these poor, over indulged squirrels.  These poor guys don’t stand a chance if the cat ever gets out.  I watched one of them attempting to… scamper(?) up a tree and let me tell you, there was no scamper about it.  Poor squirrel looked like he was hauling a load of bricks up a ladder.  He may as well have been.

She buy bags of mixed seed and seduces lures attracts these little critters from the surrounding yards with her own brand of crack.  These guys can barely move.

There’s even a little one.  A baby, that she is trying to get hooked at the moment.

I think this little guy is doomed.  Here he is, so transfixed in his stupor he doesn’t even notice me.

Passed out Sacked out in a tree trying to recuperate.

Please remember these guys in your prayers…  I don’t think there is a Jenny Craig program for squirrels…

Well, the damn horses are causing all kinds of problems for us.  Dandy, the mare, yes, I said a horse named Dandy is a mare, (grown female horse for all of you unfamiliar with horse jargon), has a bad cut on the back of her ankle again.  She and the little whipper-snapper, Alcape, (Also another female, although a colt…also known as a filly), are both, according to the test results, wormy.  Not the end of the world, but the stupid vet should have called us weeks ago and told us and they didn’t call so I thought the test results were negative.  I mean that’s what the people doctors do.  Anyway I asked them to mail the negative test results to the barn where the horses are kept and apparently they never did.  I guess it’s a good thing since the results were positive for worms.  So now we are having the vet go out to look at Dandy’s leg and worm both of them tomorrow afternoon.  Like we’ve got the money for that!  Younger daughter does, for sure, not make enough money to support her horse habit.  She is putting everything she comes home with toward feed, board, and vet bills.  She is now agreeable to the idea of selling them.

We are aaaaallllll over this.

So when I signal for H to stop talking to me because I am on the phone and she keeps talking to me by asking, “Who are you talking to?”  And I reply, “I’m talking to a man about a horse.”.  It’s not a euphemism.

Now I gotta go and see who is winning this other horse race that’s on every single non-cable channel on TV.

We took Baby to have her groomed the other day and I must say that I still find myself breaking out into a snorting laugh when I look at her.

Let me preface this photo by saying that when you cross a peek-a-poo, (pekingese and poodle mixture), with a Pomeranian you get a… noteworthy dog.  I am going to be very careful with my adjectives here.  She really is quite cute in person, just because she is so gregarious and smart… maybe not so much because of looks.  The truly hysterical thing was losing all that body hair, and there was a LOT of it, made her ears even huger, if that’s possible.

Ears up with her trademark smile.

Ears down and caught with mouth open while reciting a line of poetry...mid-sentence.

Is it just me or does that first pic of her look a lot like the little critters in the movie, Gremlins?

OK, I am so glad to be back and will go immediately to read everyone as soon as I throw this miserable excuse for a post up!  You might want to wear a neck brace while reading… it jumps around a bit.

First of all I would like to thank my brother, Cam for updating everyone during my absence.  I really hope he only chokes a little on the vino he’s going to be drinking in beautiful Italy this weekend.  heh heh heh

Love ya Cam!

Today is September 27 and we just got internet up and working as of yesterday.  Two weeks after the stupid storm!  I started transcribing a post from a pile of scraps of paper onto Word Friday of last week, (when we got electricity back), and am keeping my fingers crossed that I will be able to successfully copy and paste it to the Wordpress thingy which acts strangely at best due to the fact that I am cursed with Vista.

Here goes nothing!

Hello there, interwebs! I am back, finally, and I missed you all! I am starting this on Friday, September 19, 2008 and am a bit flummoxed at the thought of trying to get caught up. Luckily, I jotted down notes here and there during the last few days. Following this paragraph is a fairly random collection of them starting Friday afternoon, Sept. 12, the day hurricane Ike laid us out. We just got electricity back at about 12:30 in the afternoon, yesterday. Six days after it went out. And while I know we have so very much to be grateful for and are truly blessed to have survived virtually unscathed, I can’t help but point out that living in this humidity and heat, without floor to ceiling windows on all the exterior walls, is a gruesome ordeal that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Well, OK, maybe that would be the perfect kinda conditions for my worst enemy, but my point remains that I can’t imagine hating anyone with that much intensity…you get my drift?

6:00pm Friday evening- the power company cuts the electricity. Winds are starting to pick up just a bit and we all know the big ones are coming. The preemptive electric outage is to keep people from injury, (and certain death), when the lines fall.

The following night is harrowing. H is given an Adivan and sleeps through the entire thing. (Thank you God, for Adivan.)

Apparently I will take anyone or anything in to shelter through a hurricane including, but not limited to, stray dogs and a 6 ½ foot red tailed boa.

The poor dog was left here when his crumby owners evacuated. They left the gate open and left. Just like that. The other neighbors and I were talking about it and the fact that one sweet lady down the street had taken him in. This was Friday afternoon and Ike was due to show up that night. She was saying that her chocolate Labrador was trying to tear down the door to the room where she had the dog, so I offered to take him off her hands until after the whole dealy-o blew over. He really was sweet and well behaved, just scared to death of everybody AS IF HE HAD BEEN ABUSED. The deal was that the house next to us on the corner with the trio of sweet little girls was going to take him in when it was over. Of course the next day my daughter’s boyfriend left the gate open and the dog went in the backyard via the doggy door and promptly left. So, in the rain, John and I drove around the neighborhood until we found him and I got out IN THE RAIN AND CHASED AND BEGGED AND PLEADED AND CONJOLED, and yes, cursed, that dog into letting me catch him and haul him into the car, (where anybody would want a wet dog).

I then took him to the little girls and dumped him on them. They were delighted and I still haven’t gotten any evil looks from their mother so, here’s hoping…

Keelan has a friend of some standing…with her at least. Anyway, this kid has a large family with three cars between them and other pets involved and he claimed that there wasn’t room for the tank that accommodates the huge ass snake and, of course, not the snake either. Am I easy or what? NO. Don’t answer that!

Saturday AM- It is rapidly becoming evident that I will be requiring a shower every 15 to 20 minutes. The temperature is hovering in the low 90’s with 110% humidity. From our front yard the neighborhood looks like….Bosnia. A total war zone. I turned to John and said, “Honey, I don’t think you’ll make it into work today…”

Big Mess! Hot, so very hot. The power lines are all underground in our neighborhood, but the one next to us has huge trees snapped off halfway up and just flipped up with gigantic root balls sticking up in the air. They are all laid over on the power lines. We can’t get into it for all the debris so we just drive by looking in from the road betweenus.

All we could hear was the constant chainsaw and generator noise backed by the incessant drone of emergency vehicle sirens and low flying news choppers with the occasional med-a-vac , Army and Coast Guard helicopter thrown in for good measure. All the windows are open and there is hardly a breath of air moving through this house. It is stifling.

Last night we had hurricane and, of course all the windows were closed tight and most were boarded up.I set the thermostat extremely low in the house during the day so it would be a cool as possible when we lost the lights. The cool air lasted partially through the night.

Well, when Henrietta said she was ready to go to bed I rolled her in there and got her ready and she said, “Oh, close the window, Krissa.” I said, no, we really would have to leave them open because it was too hot in the house with it closed. “Oh Noooo! I’m fine! Really! I’ll be all right. Just close the window. “ No, Henrietta. You’re room is directly across from ours and in order for us to have any kind of ventilation at all we need your window open. Then, (very pointedly ignoring what I have explained and attempting to act as if it is beyond her comprehension), “Oh no, Krissa. I CANNOT HAVE THE WINDOW OPEN. No, no… I never have and I don’t want it open.” By this time John showed up and backed me with the whole argument. She see’s that she’s not going to get her way….at least not easily, so she turns on the tears. We both stand firm and she shuts them off. I swear it’s like flipping a damn switch. I left the tacky venetian blinds she insists on having drawn at all times down and closed and had to sneak back in and open them when she was asleep.

I am told by my mother on my cell phone that we are supposed to be boiling our drinking water for 1 minute. So I am boiling huge pots of water on the stove to pour in the sink and wash dishes in. Thank God, we have a gas stove.

The entire house gets significantly hotter when you are boiling huge pots of water on the stove with no A/C.

You really can make coffee by pouring boiling water into a carafe with coffee and letting it sit for a bit and then pouring this disgusting looking sludge through a filter into a cup. I found that using a paper towel worked even better than a filter because it would conform to the shape of the cup better.

I would kill for an old fashioned board game of some kind. As of two garage sales ago, we got rid of all of ours.

By the time there was enough trees moved for us to make it off of our block, (a day later) we decided to try to make it to our friends house a few neighborhoods over. They had evacuated and had asked us if we could check on their house the first chance we got.

Our neighborhood has all the electrical and phone lines underground, but the one next to ours has even more mature trees and it’s all above ground. At least every other house had a huge tree either broken in two and lying on the lines and/or house or the trees were just lying over with a gigantic root ball pulled up and sticking in the air. It was crazy. We weren’t able to make it by our friend’s house that day or the next as there was no way to get there. The streets were impassable immediately around it. John finally got by a few days later on his way to work. Thankfully, they had no flooding and no trees on their house.

ALMOST OUT OF COFFEE.

You CAN read trashy novels by candlelight. NO, it doesn’t make sweating your body weight romantic.

My neighbors really are wonderful people and we all pull together really well when there is an emergency.

One really bizarre, other worldly experience was realizing that even three days after it was all over, there were still no birds/bird sounds or flying bugs. Saturday afternoon I went with John up to the grocery store he manages to see how bad it was or wasn’t and as we were driving through the parking lot I saw a baby egret sitting on one of those big metal grid storm drains. It just sat there as we passed by it and had one leg down in the hole and the other one clutching the grate. I thought it was stuck and had John stop and I got out and went over to it, picked it up and the poor thing just looked at me. It was clearly in shock. I believe it was thinking something to the tune of, “What the hell. Of course the human lady will pick me up. After the night I’ve had, what else could I expect? This is nothing”. I carried it over and put it in some bushes and it immediately scrambled under them better.

What is it with me and strange baby birds? Owls, Egrets, what next?

Sunday – John goes back to work and it’s a hell hole. Everything was wiped out, pretty much before he left on Thursday. The benevolent souls at the top of the corporate ladder, (or whoever), decided to actually close the store on the Friday of the storm. I must say that this surprised me somewhat as the storm was due to show up fairly late that evening. Believe me when I say that if Walmart or Target had stayed open, they would have, also. The thought was that they wouldn’t let the managers go in time for them to evacuate their families, so they would give them a few hours head start on getting their houses boarded up before the wind got there. And that, my friends, is as much as can ever be expected of these people. John had worked 12 hour day’s everyday that week in preparation for the storm, as had the other managers at all the stores on the gulf coast in the chain. When they got back to work on Sunday, they spent the greatest part of the day throwing out every last parcel of meat, frozen and refrigerated food. I came to find out the generator only runs a few lights and the registers if the power goes out and that’s all it did. They reopened with virtually empty shelves and zero meat, dairy and frozen foods.

People were understanding and patient, helpful to each other about information and standing in line.

Over the next few days things really went downhill fast. Trucks arrived as often as they could possibly get there and it became harder and harder to explain why WHEN EVERYONE RUNS OUT OF THEIR REFRIGERATED ITEMS AT THE SAME TIME IT IS VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SUPPLY THE DEMAND. Not to mention the bread everyone was going through, along with chips and snack items, etc.

Sunday night- Henrietta apparently has given some thought to the window situation and feels she did not put on her best performance last night. Tonight, she pulls out all the stops. She announces that she can’t sleep like that and she woke up afraid over and over last night. Bullshit. Not a chance. She NEVER wakes up when she’s taken an Adivan and she would have rung her bell if she was the least bit afraid. She argues with us both about it and continues to insist the window has to be down. She apparently has absolutely no regard for how anyone else might feel or how much sleep her own son may or may not get before he trudges off to work like a dog for 12 to 14 hours. Finally she tells us that we are abusing her by leaving her window open and I have had it. I got in her face and John looked l at her like he was going to explode. I unloaded a bit and she started to dry up some. There really is no end to her selfishness when it comes to her own little wants and paranoia’s. Needless to say her window stayed open. She told me to “Pleeeeease keep me blinds down, Krissa!” I certainly will. Until you are asleep…

Monday- There is not a word from her about the window or the blinds or anything else at bedtime. Halleluiah!

And the rest of the time until the lights are back on, (Friday), she doesn’t say another word about it.

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I will post the rest of the… story tomorrow and add the missing pictures.  Come to find out they are riding around in John’s pocket on his jump drive and he is at work, (where else).  I’ll get them when he gets home.  Things are still very disorganized around here and I’m having a hard time getting back in the normal groove.  Sorry.

All:

This is Cam, Krissa’s brother, here with an update.

Krissa and family are fine. No flooding in their immediate area and it sounds like all they lost was a window screen and shutter. Lots of trees down in their area but none on their property. They survived the night with one extra dog and boa constrictor (pet sitting for some evacuees).

It’s interesting that they had so little damage because I was tracking the storm this morning on line and it looked to me like Ike’s eye went right over them.

They lost phone and power early in the storm and may not have it back for quite some time (weeks?).

I’m sure Krissa will give you guys the full play by play once they are back on the grid.

Anyway, if they get their phone back before their power, I’m guessing Krissa will call me and I’ll transcribe an entry or two for her.

Weather in Tuscany, Italy: Some much needed showers this morning, followed by a beautiful cool afternoon. HAHAHAHA! We’re going grape harvesting tomorrow and gonna have some good vino as our payment for what all we pick. I’d pick that over cleaning up after a hurricane ANY day.

Bye!

Last night I informed john that we would need to make something exciting happen tomorrow in order for me to have some sort of reasonable blog fodder.  He immediately responded, “Have sex?”.  I then told him,  1) I don’t usually write about our sex life on my blog and 2) My mother reads this.  His swift, cocky comeback was reduced to, “Ooooh…”.

Today has been a bust.  The caregiver provider was supposed to show up at 1:00 and let John and I run out and madly dash about doing things together willy-nilly until we had exhausted our three hours and had to return to take care of H.  She never showed up.  Now remember, this is the “new” provider that is, not the same one that had trouble showing up a while back.  So I called the number we had for her cell phone and, surprise, surprise, no answer.  I next tried calling the company that was sending her out here.  The lady told me that she had called her and told her that she didn’t feel well and that she had called us and left a message for us telling us that she wasn’t showing up.  Left a message?  Why on earth would she lie and say that?  That makes it sound as if I WAS ABLE TO LEAVE THE HOUSE AND NOT ANSWER THE DAMNED PHONE.  Ahem…  Anyway, there was no message on the answering machine and we had been here all day.  Waiting.  I was not a happy camper.  I told the lady so and she said that maybe I should call the… “provider’s” home number and she gave it to me and, of course, no one answered.  I called the company back and told her I want someone else and it’s not that she was feeling poorly, it’s that she’s a terrible liar and that really chaps me arse.  So tomorrow afternoon some new chick named Maria is supposed to show up and we will see.  John works a half day tomorrow and so we should get to do something.  I have an exciting list, too.  Let’s see… post office, Lowe’s, grocery….oh gawd…

The exciting thing that happened today is that my wonderful husband has figured out how to get the pics in the memory of my camera onto the memory card and onto the pooter.  Actually, I got them onto the pooter, but he did the rest.  He may get some booty tonight…

On Sunday, August 21st, the same day Henrietta came home from the hospital, Kes came running in to get John and I early in the morning.  I mean DAYBREAK.  She had gone out to the garage to investigate what on earth our little dog, Kissy, had been barking at.  It was a stray cat.  Don’t know why the cat decided it wanted in our garage.  There is no food in there or anything like that.  While she was looking at it something flew across the garage and landed, spooking her no end.  It was this little bitty owl.

Now I have quite a history with owls and I will update you on all that in my next post, given something earth shattering doesn’t happen in my life to supersede it, i.e. H has a blowout that completly dissolves a diaper or the provider care person shows up and John and I have sex for three hours in some seedy motel.  Don’t hold your breath, cause H is finished with her antibiotics and is no longer suffering with diarrhea.

I just read this to John and his first response was, “Are you sure your mom can read all that?”  I said, “She knows how to read…anything. “  He looked a bit desperate and responded, “YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!”

Is it a baby or just a small breed?  I dunno.  But now that I have the pics on the pooter I will try to look it up.  Tomorrow.  John wants my attention now and I have to go…..

1. When it’s raining like this I love to clean house.  Well, maybe “love” is a strong word to use, but I like to,  Wonder why?

2. I wonder who has been reading my blog for so long that lives on or near Long Island NY.  They have been reading almost everyday since day one, and I don’t think they have ever commented.  I wanna know you people!  Er, HI!  Leave a comment for goodness sake!  Introduce yourself.  I can be very nice and not too terribly scary at all.  Well, when I’m really trying, anyway.  I swear I won’t stalk you!  Not any more than I already have….  M’k?

3. I wonder how many calories I eat every day in nothing but CARBS.  I loves me some pasta and rice!  Oh Oh! and bread and pretzels and popcorn!  I need an intervention.

4. I wonder what ever happened to our Maine Coon cat.  He just decided to stay down the road at someone else’s house a couple of months ago and he would show up here and eat occasionally but not often, because she was feeding him too.  We would see him laying about in people’s driveways and yards also.  But for the last few weeks he hasn’t been spotted.  Is somebody feeding him better food than us?   He always was fickle.

5.Our cell phone contract is up this month, (Hallelujah!), so long Cingular/ATT!  I think we are going with Verizon…wonder what phone to get?

6.The (now, mama) possum visiting our cat food is going to be caught tomorrow night as I have located a live trap and we will swing by and pick it up tomorrow on John’s day off.

7.  Amazing how greened up everything got when it finally rained.  It looks like spring outside instead of summer.

8.WHY is it like pulling teeth to get out of here.  I want to leave NOW.  We actually can leave NOW and yet John is in there cleaning up the kitchen or piddling on the computer in the bedroom or something and it’s always “just a minute…”.  I swear if he wasn’t so damn cute…!

9. No Possum Trapping Tonight!  John had the good sense to call the animal shelter place in Texas City and ask if they had any live traps available, (they are out right now), before we went all the way over there and came away empty handed.  DAMN.  I was all excited about going trappin’ and I’ve been practicing my east Texas/redneck accent all day! GONNA CATCH ME SOME POSSUM, AND COOK ET AN FIX ME SOME VITTLES, YA’LL.

Well, last night there was commotion outside and when Keelan looked out there she discovered yet another possum.  But this one had two babies attached to her.  When I went out with my camera she was very displeased at the intrusion and hissed at me while climbing down from the table she was on.  She had one baby on her back, but…forgot the other one.  The baby left behind began frantically making this pitiful noise that I can never begin to replicate.  Momma was going as fast as she could away.  So I took the baby and put it down on the ground and went back inside, (it was definitely going to fall off the table if I didn’t).  AFTER CAREFULLY WASHING MY HANDS WITH ANTIBACTERIAL SOAP I watched out the window while she came back and retrieved it.  That’s when I grabbed the shitty camera, dashed out and took a few more shots of her making her get away.  She didn’t even give the baby she came back to pick up time to climb on her back.  It kind of rode underneath her while the other one was up on top.

They rush back and forth along the front of our house on the same little path going back to the neighbor’s fence.  I think they are living under his pool house.  SOB doesn’t have any pets so they are forced to pilfer cat food from the neighbors, (ME).  I need to bring up the problem of people not feeding their own vermin at the next Homeowner’s Association meeting.

Anyway, I located a live trap at one of the animal shelters close by and since John is off tomorrow and the caregiver provider person is supposed to be here tomorrow, we will go and pick it up and go a-trappin’.   I am very excited about the possum hunt and it promises to be a very busy catch and release night as I saw two neighbor cats up there eating in the next hour when I looked outside.  That’s in addition to our cat.   I anticipate angry cats all night long.  They may even change free buffet locations.

I know what you’re thinking.  Cats?  There are that many cats around there and yet, an old fashioned, plague situation with possums?  Yes, the cats are pretty much worthless.  HOWEVER, they are well-mannered.  They take turns at the food bowl with the possums and never interfear with their feedings.  My work here is done.

Wait!  MOOOOOOOMMY! COME BAAAAAACK!

MOM!  Why do I always have to ride underneath!?

Brother always gets to ride on top!

Look, lady…just back off and let me get to the free buffet…

You can see the little one underneath and the spoiled one on top…

Sorry about how bad the pic is.  It was pitch black dark and I was using a flash.

I was getting brave and a little closer.

DON’T LAUGH AT MY…diagram(?)! I am learning how to do…stuff.  Click to see the words bigger cause I am a loser and didn’t feel like going back into the thingy and making them bigger.   Gotta go do bedpan duty.

Well, I didn’t post all weekend and I usually do, at least once. John is on vacation and we are trying to knock out some of these household projects. Yesterday we rented a Rug Doctor and shampooed the girls rooms, upstairs hall, stairs, living room rug and our bedroom carpet. That is every bit of carpeting and rugs in the house. Oh, and I even gave the upholstery attachment a try on the chairs in the living room. It worked great! The younger piglet daughter’s room was by far the worst. Mostly because she is guilty of sneaking her wee, small dog up there for sleepovers and not getting up in time to let her out. This particular dog has always had a tough time holding her pee and so… she doesn’t. And her owner just decided she was tired of cleaning it up and there were several pee places that just disappeared and several large soda spills AND a huge-ass milkshake (I’m guessing) of some sort spill. All gone. I feel really good about the carpeting in this house now and hey, isn’t that what it’s all about. Can I hear an “AMEN”?

John went out this morning and got two new ceiling fans and a track light for over the fireplace so H can read her paper without the lamp that should be back behind our chairs, that we need cause hey, our eyes are old and crippled too. The old track light blew up or something, and now we’ve got this shiny new one. Halleluiah! The ceiling fans are because the old ones in the L.R. and breakfast area have shorts in the light kits that we have tried over and over to fix and they just can’t be. So I guess I know what we’re going to do today. Oh, that and torture groom the hairy dog in the backyard.

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This is an actual conversation I overheard between two dust bunnies in my house. Imagine Cheech and Chong style “accents”, cause, Yes. they are that rowdy.

Hey, dude! Roll on over here and pile up with me!

Duuuude! I’m on my way!

Yeah, just a tiny bit bigger and we can make a whole new dog!

I’m pretty sure we’re smarter than these dogs.

Yeah, it won’t be long and we can take over this whole household. We’ve just gotta hide behind a piece of furniture and if that crazy-bitch looks back there she pretends she doesn’t see ya. It’s when you break free and go rolling across the floor that you get noticed.

What about that man, dude?

Naww, he’s too tired when he gets home to be picking up anything off the floor. As a matter of fact I’ve noticed that he seems in the business of leaving things on the floor. The crazy-bitch keeps doing these deep sighs and shooting him evil glares.

What about the old lady?

Dude, she’s blind as a bat. She thinks she’s living in a freakin’ palace!

Yeah, well she’s got hot and cold running crazy-bitch. They fooled her into thinking it!

Those girls though. What about them? Do they pose any kind of threat?

Are you kidding me? They live upstairs and while they are very rarely seen down here, I hear they have an entirely different breed of dust bunny upstairs. Carpet dust bunnies.

Dude, I’ve heard those are fierce!

Yeah, well, they’re breeding them big upstairs…

At this point I just stopped listening. I mean hey, I’ve heard it all before.