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Archive for the ‘ Mither ’ Category

Vestal Virgin? Really?


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John and I have been invited to another murder mystery party.  Last year it was held on New Year’s Eve and the theme was the old west.  I have forgotten what my name was, Adella something, but I was a widow and John was a sheriff or some such law man.  We had quite elaborate costumes and most of the people there did, too.  It was loads of fun.

This year they are having it on the 31st and the theme is ancient Rome.  We received an invitation that had two copies of the same cast of characters in it and on each list there was one name that was highlighted.  One of the characters was a Roman Senator and the other was a Vestal Virgin.  So I kinda took things into my own hands and told John I was going to be the senator and he was going to be a vestal virgin.  I had to explain how funny this was going to be a few times before I got him on board with the whole plan.  After all they didn’t assign us the rolls they just indicated that these were the two that we were supposed to play.

Mither and I went out and bought John some false eyelashes and found an old costume for him to wear and fashioned a veil from some pink organza and a laurel of silk roses.   He already has some leather flip flops that he can wear and I will wrap pink ribbon up his legs to look like Roman sandals.

He will be a real head turner.  I have to stop making remarks about his “virginity”.  He seems quite sensitive about this.  He said something like, “Gosh, it’s been a long time since I was a virgin… at least 5 years…”

I told him that the Romans didn’t wear anything under their toga’s but I really think it would be a good idea if he did cause we wouldn’t want anyone to think he was “easy” or anything since he IS playing the part of a virgin.

My costume is fairly elaborate in that it is about a million miles of white cotton fabric trimmed in purple rope gimp.  We worked long and hard on how to… toga it.  I kinda hate to think about cutting it down smaller since it was originally a valance in my dining room and may have a future as such again.

I have some other fancy stuff to my get-up, but I will take pictures and show you after the party.  I am looking forward to it and John said that there is NO WAY I will be allowed to post a picture of him dressed as a woman.  I will just tell him to put his veil down and no one will see his face.  Heh.

There's a thief amongst us.


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Hello people!  Well, Nana and Pop have gone home and should actually be there shortly.  We had all kinds of fun during the short amount of time they were here.

We also did some sleuthing!

Now I bet you are all wondering what happened with Henrietta’s aide/thief that we suspect swiped the $100 out of my purse.  Well, we set up the camera that Lisa had loaned me that is motion activated.   Got it all set up on top of the fridge and John and Pop left and then Mither announced, (loudly), that we needed to run over to Lisa’s house to see what was going on with her.  So I told the aide and H that we’d be back later and we left.

John got home first and found the camera lying on it’s back on top of the extremely tall refrigerator.  It was lying in a manner that it was incapable of “falling” into.   It was incapable of falling in the first place.  He took the card out and he and Keelan were looking at the pictures when we got home.  There are a lot of them simply because it snapped one every time the light went on or off or anyone left or came in, but here are a few showing what happened and in the order it happened.

Here is John leaving.  My purse is on the counter on the right.  You can see the top of the faucet in the sink in the wet bar.  My purse is the blob to the left of it.  Right beneath the “10”.

Here is Mither leaving and I am right behind her.  I guess the light was on in the kitchen since the wall is now green, (as it really is), and it looks turquoise in the first one…

And here is the last one it took.  You can see the fingers and the double exposure from the movement.  It happened 8 minutes after we left.  Undoubtedly she saw the camera on top of the fridge and turned it over.  I hadn’t left any cash or credit cards in my purse but she didn’t know that until she looked.  Henrietta said that she stood “behind the counter” to watch the soap opera with her and she didn’t know why she didn’t sit down like she usually did. She said she kept going and looking out the window and then going back to stand at the counter.  The widow is to the left outside the frame of the picture.

I do.

Henrietta doesn’t know that we suspect the aide of anything.  She doesn’t know about the missing money, or the camera or any of it.  She has such a negative view of the world and all it’s inhabitants anyway, we all just think it’s better that she not feel like she was duped.  The sad part is that she really likes this aide a lot.  They spoke Spanish to each other and H was thrilled with this as her Spanish was really rusty and getting to be more and more of a second language all the time.  She did an excellent job with her and they really got along well.

I will just tell her that the company had to send her to another area or something and she has to have a new aide.  Oh, I don’t know.. I’ll have to think it through.  I have to have a better story than that, I guess…

John asked H where the aide was and where all she went while we were gone and then I did too, separately. and she then got the idea that something was wrong and when she asked if something was missing and I lied and said, “No.”, she got a bit defensive for her.  She told me that she was a good person and there was no reason to “look into her”.   I feel really bad, but I have enough to go on and I called the company and told them not to send her back and that I wasn’t accusing her of anything, (after all I don’t have any hard evidence), but that I didn’t want her back because I couldn’t risk trusting her.  I asked to talk to the owner but she was out of town for a “few days” so I told the lady what had happened and she was nice, but I can tell there was no way they could afford to lose any employees so I feel sure they won’t fire her even if they have reports of this kind of thing happening before.

I hope to talk to the owner when she gets back in town.


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This post will be quite short for a variety of reasons:

The last one was uncharacteristically long.  More than, probably anyone wanted to hear from me.   I was full of angst. (That’s my excuse, in case you didn’t know.)

Mither and Pop are coming to see me and they are on their way here RIGHT NOW.  I gots to get this dump cleaned up!  Change the sheets on their bed!  Start a grocery list for supper tonight!  Clean the bathtub!  Finish the laundry!  Locate all obscene graffiti written in the dust on my furniture and add or subtract letters to make it more grandparent friendly.

FIND MY DAMN GLASSES.  They are gone, people!  I have looked everywhere!  Remember, I just got them a short while back and I cannot function for very long without having to actually READ something.  I took them off when John got home yesterday and they have been gone ever since.  I cannot remember where I was!

Oh crap!  I gotta get going!  Before I do I will share with you that I have a new look coming for HalfAsstic and am excited about it.  Cam is working on it as I type.  Well, actually, that’s not true as he’s in Italy and is seven hours ahead of us, (he’s asleep), but he’s already done some things that I really like.

Anyway, stay tuned!

Free Toes, everybody!


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Well, something totally unexpected happened to the small town of Dickinson last night.  Now, keep in mind we live about 20 minutes inland from the Gulf of Mexico.  Or, as we call it, the Gulf Coast.  It’s pretty freakin’ tropical here.  OK, it can be unbearably tropical here.  Humidity hovers at 110% all summer and it’s not uncommon for it to never dip to freezing in the winter.

Now.  Keeping that in mind how often would you think we see snow?  Not often.  The freakiest thing I will ever be able to say about snow down here happened four years ago on Christmas Eve.  That’s right.  We had one of those rare snowfalls that only happens about once every 5 to 7 years and it was on Christmas Eve.  It was so beautiful Christmas morning.  My dear Miter and Pop live up a little bit north of Ft. Worth and get snow, usually every year.  Though, not always a lot of it.  They are both from the small town they live in and have never in their lives had a white Christmas.  It was pretty surreal calling them and telling them we were having one.

Last night it snowed again.  We got a good blanket of it and all my vegetation is bum-fuzzled.

Here’s crazy Kes out on the front porch in her nightgown! She doesn’t mind the cold, I guess…

Keelan with a severe case of dandruff… She does not seem to mind, though.

Doofus and Goofus

Unhappy bushes covered with white cold stuff.  They all got themselves pulled up and left in the morning, bitching the whole time.  They never did appreciate me…

This is my BIRD OF PARADISE.  It is so tropical it could (and does) live in Hawaii.  Only not this one.  It was silently screaming, “Aaaaaahhhh!  Get this cold shit off of me!  I am tropical, dammit!  My best friends are azaleas!  Even St. Francis in the bird bath was cussing…  It was bad.  But very pretty!  And I say that’s what counts!


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Earlier today Mither called me and in the course of our conversation she confessed to me that she has begun to see a trend in these last few posts and in an effort at stopping the flow of blood from my brain, out through my ears providing me with something suitable to post about she had attempted to hem her pants while wearing them.  She said it didn’t work out well and so she aborted the effort and took them off to do it.

1. I think she’s probably lying fibbing.

2. I think she’s a pansy-assed coward for not doing it.

3. I don’t even think it’s very impressive to make up such wild stories so closely related to my heroic button sewing on while wearing the pants.

4. I sure do love her for making a game effort at giving me something to post about.  (Maybe next time she could actually DO it and then get pictures of the finished product.)

This morning Henrietta told me the music is back.  Actually I asked her when it started and she says she almost always hears it, sometimes just “more” than others.  This would be the mysterious music she hears mostly in her deaf ear that nobody else can hear.  Sometimes “they” are singing in Spanish, sometimes Italian, and sometimes in English.  Often she is offended by the naughtiness of the songs and how “nasty” they are.  It’s always a male singer, (to the best of my knowledge), and late at night and early in the morning seems to be the most frequent times for this phenomenon.  She told me today they were singing in English and then she smiled and said, “Well, I’m just waiting… pretty soon I should be getting Christmas Carols!”

And then she laughed and high fived me!


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