Archive for the 'Lists' Category

google my ass…er,analytics

Monday, May 19th, 2008

Oh my. What a strange little group we are. I was reading Tranny Head’s post over at Law School Sucks and she was discussing her reader’s search terms. There are some rather unusual ones for her site. So I thought I’d check mine. Here’s a rundown.

“Krissa Lopez” came in first with 155 hits. This is a cheat for me, as there is a fairly popular Southwestern artist in New Mexico named Krissa Lopez. Yup. That right there is weird enough.

“Electronic shipping received” got 2 hits. Huh?

“4 permanent teeth pulled” got 1 Ewwww.

“Export smoke” got 1. I can only assume someone wanted to ship cigars out of Cuba.

“half ass award” got 1. Not gonna touch that…

“halfasstic” got 1. Gee, ya’ think? What I don’t understand is it says 138 under “pages/visit” Don’t know what that means as I have no where near 138 pages. Anyone?

“horse gestation 350 days” I had checked that at the time and I was like at the very bottom of the 5th page of google hits. Why click me?

“pre jowl implants” scored 1 hit. Really?

“purse fetish” got 1. I really don’t want to even know.

“semper donates” got 1. Some other parent wondering “Huh?, You got nominated for what?” I can relate.

So there you have it. Over all I am sorry for the person who got only a “half ass award”.

The Lopez Money Pit

Thursday, May 15th, 2008

Hot Mama over at Law School Sucks and so do lawyers, has a post today that I sooo relate to that I feel the need to expound upon it.

We have lived in this house for three and a half years and the list of things to do have grown and grown. And, of course, none of them are cheap.

I like to think that we are pretty easy on our domiciles, but the fact remains that none of these things were wrong when we moved in. This house might as well have been brand new. It was in pristine condition. Fresh paint inside and out, new carpet upstairs and down, everything worked perfectly and nothing was broken. Oh. Well, there is one ceramic tile in the kitchen that has a hairline crack in it that you can barely see. That is the only thing that is preexisting. I do think that the lights on the ceiling fans that we are having trouble with are nothing that we did. The wiring is just shitty and both of them, living room and breakfast room, have shorts and flicker on and off.

The front door is getting weathered and is peeling, needs refinishing.

The leaded glass in it has some broken places.-(thanks to one of Keelan’s dumb-ass friends)

The sprinkler system has a broken valve thingy.

The hot tub has two broken jets.

The carpet in the master bedroom needs cleaning. (The upstairs isn’t getting done until the pigs girls move out. I know when to cut my losses.)

At this point the liquor cabinet is depleted.

The hood vent in the kitchen is kaput. That means no one can burn anything cause we are limited in our ability to export smoke. So, like, there is no cooking going on cause, hey, we burn things on a regular basis.

When we have hurricane force winds, (remember I live down here by Houston, deep up in the armpit of Texas), there is a leak around the atrium window.

We desperately need sand in the backyard, and some in the front. The ground is uneven and holds water that I would really rather run off to my neighbors’ yards. (I AM TOO A GOOD NEIGHBOR!)

The liquor cabinet needs….redecorating.

Speaking of liquor cabinet… The sink in the wet bar is very slow to drain.

My closet would look much better if I had a new wardrobe.

Come to think of it, the floors wouldn’t look that bad or even need sweeping if I had freshly pedicured feet to look at on them. I mean, really, who would even notice the floors if my feet looked fab?

The light track over the fireplace, and more importantly over where H sits in her wheelchair while reading the paper, just stopped working. For no apparent reason at all. We got a new wall switch and swapped it out and changed the bulbs and everything else you can think of that was cheap. No. Must have new light track.

That is all I can think of right now. There is a more extensive list, (if you can believe that), living on John’s Palm.

Off to a late start, but hey, at least I’m started…

Friday, May 2nd, 2008

And isn’t that half the battle. Well, around here it is.

I have very exciting news on several issues. Starting with just generally pleased and working our way up to titillating, we have:

  • The yard got done this morning and, as my husband said, it no longer looks like a pack of Mexicans live here. (I am allowed to say this as my husband and mother-in-law are Lopez’s. Well, I am too, actually, but you get where I’m going, here.) And just in case you were worried, it HAS been mowed since the last time I commented on how jungle-like the yard was. Cause as fast as that St. Augustine grows in south Texas, the homeowners association would have hung us by now. Well, they can just back off cause we are mowed, blowed and weed-ate. Yes siree, that’s the way to be.
  • The other day some folks from the Dickinson Rotary Club showed up at my door, (I was actually dressed and not in my nightgown. Yea me!), and wanted to know if I wanted to become a member of a flag…thing. I can’t remember what it was called, but, basically, for fifty dollars annually, four times a year someone shows up and shoves an American flag in my yard, by the walk and leaves it there for the three days preceding the whatever holiday and then removes it. Sounds like a neat deal, and it was to benefit the rotary club so I said “Sure, why not.” Only probably with less enthusiasm than you are picturing. Anyway I pulled out a checkbook and cut them a check. Yesterday, John was sifting through the mail and said “Who wrote a fifty dollar check on the Texas First account?” My first thought was, NOBODY! THERE IS NO MONEY IN THAT ACCOUNT! Followed closely by, what do you mean “Who”? Only you and me here, babe… Then came the realization that I wasn’t paying attention to which checkbook I pulled out of the desk. My purse was soooo far away, (in another room), it was going to be too trying to go and get it, so I dove in the desk for the nearest handy checkbook. Working my way to: Voila! Hot check! The GOOD news is that the bank, for some reason, chose to pay it. I have no idea why. I have never flashed these people. Or, I suppose I should say threatened to flash them if they don’t pay our one and only hot check. Whatever. There is that ubiquitous $27.50 charge by the bank, but that is nothing compared to the humiliation of having the snobs at the Dickinson Rotary Club point and laugh. ANYTHING BUT THAT!
  • And saving the best for last! I am happy to report that I have received my first Blog Award! This is a red letter day for me. Lonely housewife/caregiver/mom person who has only recently found this outlet, (Thanks again to my brother, Cam!), and is having a hellofalota fun. My new terrific friend, Law Student Hot Mama over at Law School Sucks-and so do lawyers, has awarded me with the prestigious Smokin’ Hot Blog Award. And I COULD NOT BE MORE THRILLED! I will be passing this on to…somebody awesome shortly. Gotta think. Gotta concentrate. Gotta run, H is ringing the bell…

Thanks, Hot Mama!

…soooo who tagged me?

Monday, April 28th, 2008

Whatever! LOL
I read a comment on New Duck, yesterday that said that Moo was tagging her. Well, as of Monday morning, anyway. She did. It sounded like a fairly open ended tag, so what the hell. I will enjoy any readership and input from anyone who feels like it!
Here’s the drill:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
6. Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

Random, very. (Oh and I forgot and did 10, so consider the last 4 a…bonus?)

1. I am the mother of two, (2) teenage girls, a 17 and 18 year old, and I attempt to operate them daily without a helmet.

2. I am the full time caregiver for my 86 year old mother-in-law, who is bedridden/wheelchair bound.

3. I have found that one of the worst experiences in life is dumping a bedpan of shit and pee in the potty and having the… water? splash back up and sprinkle your face in a fashion that would be somewhat refreshing under totally different circumstances.

4. I have a distinctive case of toenail fungus on the 4th toe on my left foot.

5. I LOVE to read. Favorite author of the moment is Janet Evanovitch. She is hilarious.

6. Have to be one of the WORST spellers on the face of the earth. Thank you God for spell check!

7. My husband, John, is the love of my life and a the biggest, proud-of-it, tightwad I have ever known.

8. My idea of a perfect day is to spend the whole day with my husband and two girls out of the house somewhere and have nobody argue. THE WHOLE DAY. This has never happened. But, I have faith.

9. One of my best friends resides in Italy and I miss her. (Hi Susan!)

10. My mom said to say that she is wonderful and loving and, most important, ALWAYS RIGHT. (Happy Mom?)

Check out these blogs!

The New Girl

Silly Me

Candy’s Corner

Fussy

I’ve Come Undone

Speak Into the Mike

GlAsstic (?)

Monday, April 28th, 2008

I wish I knew how to “do” stained glass. You know, cutting, and leading and all that. Make a huge lovely framed piece for my bathroom window.
I think I am going to have to add this to my list of “When I grow up…” Oh, I really think I should!

When I Grow Up…

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008
  • I am going to have a real dinner party with more than just one couple invited over to eat. And not the same couple we always have over that we know so well they are expected to get in the kitchen and help.
  • I am going to have a big girl voice and not sound like a Munchkin doing hits of helium.
  • I am going to begin, AND COMPLETE a decorating project BY MYSELF. (Keep dreaming, Mom.)
  • I will conquer my mild case of ADD and stop giving minor details intense, pinpointed focus, all the while completely missing the broader picture. (Dream on, Krissa)
  • I intend to rise from bed and get a shower and dressed immediately every day and not just when the planets align perfectly.
  • I will always have the perfect, “cool” reply to anything my teenagers say to me with no second guessing. (good luck, girls…)