Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c01/h02/mnt/911/domains/halfasstic.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

Archive for the ‘ CONTEST ’ Category


Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c01/h02/mnt/911/domains/halfasstic.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

Remember waaaaay back when I was having all sorts of problems with my website having nasty pop ups announcing that you now have herpes for reading me? Remember that?

Sure you do. You’re just in denial. But don’t worry about it cause I am here to remind you!

Good times!

Anyway, right after my blog caught an STD and I thought it was fixed, but before it was actually fixed, (and I went on to shed tears and pull out hair and converse with my brother, Cam, a.k.a. Pooter Guru, and he worked on it for ages and then turned it over to his buddy Shawn who fixed it! Cause he’s a freakin’ genius!) Anyway, yeah… after that, but before that? I posted about a contest in which I was searching for a story for my new/temporary header, since my old, personalized, swank one had gone the way of the mastodons.

I felt terrible when I realized that the virus was still there after I posted about the contest and readership fell off a great deal, due to the fact that no one wanted to touch my syphilitic site with a ten foot pole.

I can’t blame them either. I didn’t post a new post for a long time. Meanwhile it was really, really getting fixed.

However there were a few steadfast readers that wished to take their chances with a sure and certain instant death and enter my bloggy contest. After all, the prizes and shiz were really… well, they weren’t really all THAT, but then I have some readers of questionable taste. 😉

HI! LOVE YOU GUYS!

Anyway, the plague struck my blog and then it was fixed and then Henrietta was in the process of dying and then she did die and that whole episode of life was a vast desert of nothing but missing time. I feel like I don’t even remember any of it, now. Like a bad dream.

Well, that’s how the contest got derailed. But now it’s back on!

Here is a pic of the booty.

Contest Booty

Now, just gaze at my header and dream up a really good story for the scene. I mean at first glance it appears to be a man walking down a rustic lane with sheep grazing peacefully in the pasture next to him. But… where is he going? Where has he been? Who did he see? Did they argue? Was it a huge fight?! Is there a dead body somewhere? Are those sheep vaccinated!?

Just run with it.

I will decide the winner and ship all this crapola, (I’m pretty sure that’s a Messican word.), right to your doorstep for you to open just like on a birthday and “Oooo” and “Aaaaah” over. You will be awed by the love, care and colored tissue paper my very own hands have packed it with.

I may even spray my favorite scent on the whole shebang.

PLUS, as I indicated in the previous posts here and here and here and here and here, (OK, not really but I’m trying to make it sound like I’ve been up to this for a good while.), you can use the contest as blog fodder and all the thousands of people who read your site will then click on your link over to me!

Am I am maniacal genius or WHAT? I will post all links to your, (my faithful readers- both of you) sites and all the millions of people who troll through faithfully and read every word I have ever written will link back to you as well!

I really should just run the damn world.

Here are the links to the blogs that have already entered! Go and read them! Jean over at Working Momma 247 and Red Hamster over at In the Wheel! Really some good stuff!

Now. Go and read the Official Rules and Regulations as set forth by the gaming committee.

OK, I’m back!


Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c01/h02/mnt/911/domains/halfasstic.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

Right. You can stop holding your breath now.

Henrietta is gone, buried and the thank you notes are done. Now, in my “what’s next” mode of mind, comes…. nothing.

This is really rather odd. There was always “something” next. The sense of freedom is at the same time titillating  and scary. I am giddy with lack of responsibility and ability to run, willy-nilly, hither and yon, doing whatever I want whenever the mood strikes me. (And a ride is available.)

I miss Henrietta, yet the sense of relief that I feel was magnified by the immense relief that she felt as she took her last breath.

The girls are having to take turns with me. They both are desirous of my attention. Every. Single. Day.

“Go with me there, Mommy!” and “Come with me here, Mommy!” is what I am hearing constantly. And no. I’m not doing all the buying.

There was a small argument over who got custody of me the other day and I was egging them on telling them how proud I would be if they got in a fight over me. Heh. It was cool. Somehow my past good parenting crap paid off and they found some sort of middle ground. I happily went with whoever and was handed off later in the day.

I am telling you, I am in demand and there is no bedpan involved.

It’s weird.

Now the scary part is, well, financial as much as anything else. I need to find a way to replace the money that was coming into the household via Henrietta’s annuity.

Remember, I don’t drive due to a visual handicap I acquired in a 1978 automobile accident/head injury. All my other people drive, yet have jobs and/or go to school. So they are going to be undependable as far as reliable transportation.

I am sloooowly turning my thoughts towards that foot massager and the line of men that H was convinced I had filing through here paying me money for… a foot massage? I wish I was half as successful as she made me out to be. 😉

Meanwhile, in other parts of Gotham City…

My brother Cam, remember? The rock star? Yes, well he’s published, again. This time a British magazine named Web Designer has included his Periodic Table of Typefaces in their rather pricey pages. I have never paid $15.00 for a magazine before, much less bought three of them.

Yes, I really must love you, Cam… Anyway, congrats to you, bro!

I will get back soon and try really hard to catch up on my blog reading! Things are just starting to slow down around here!

Oh, and right before Henrietta passed I had announced a contest! It’s back on! Read these rules and let me hear from everyone! This is truly a wonderful pile of shit valuable cash and prizes I’m going to be giving away!


Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c01/h02/mnt/911/domains/halfasstic.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

HI! I have a fun contest idea in mind that one of my favorite blogger/friends came up with.  Roger, over at A Screed In Time, was commenting on this post and saying that I need to get everyone to submit stories to explain the dopey picture in the new masthead. It is there TEMPORARILY until my dear brother can get around to realizing I am the most important thing in his life and my wishes are his command and there is nothing else that he needs to do besides fix up my blog and all that happy crap.

So far my telepathic messages aren’t working… With him Or George Clooney.

Whatev.

It is good blog fodder, so if you’re looking for something to post about, you can thank me in the form of a big fat check… That might negate the prize winning thing and all that, but you be the judge of how happy you would make God with your generosity, (not to mention, me). I’m just sayin’…

All you need to do is write a blog post that’s a fanciful story about what has/is/will happen in that regurgitated masthead photo. The more imaginative the better.

Anyway, it goes like this:

Official Rules and Regulations

  • You, the party on the other end of my pooter, must, (in order to enter said contest), produce a story of at least 200ish words to go with the tacky WordPress default masthead that I have been cursed with.
  • You must link back to me. Well, of course you would if anyone was going to see the picture anyway. This will pour all your millions of readers into my sight where one or more of the following is guaranteed to happen. They  will
  1. be stunned and temporarily comatose
  2. be amazed at your brilliance
  3. wonder how you could possibly have such a dirty mind
  4. wish they too could visit middle earth
  5. remember to put the clothes in the dryer
  6. immediately click “unfollow” on their reader and you will never hear from them again.
  • You must proclaim your undying love for me on Twitter and Facebook, links and all, and any other weird places that you can think of. This is not REAL important as I won’t be checking… but just in case you ought to.
  • You need to send me the link to your story in a comment.
  • You need to offer to do a load of my laundry. And I mean wash, dry AND PUT AWAY. IN THE CORRECT PLACES, JOHN! Uh… I mean… yeah, right.

Then in, ooooh, let’s say one week, on the evening of July 15, I will decide who’s story is the most awesome-ist and proclaim a winner!

Now you wanna know, “Winner of WHAT? The afore alluded to gazillion bucks?”

Er, no.

I might have been exaggerating a smidge. Here. I gots a whole buttload of cheap, greasy shit, fabulous CASH AND PRIZES!

Here is what YOU COULD WIN!

Whole bunch O' shit for contest

Here, ya go! We have a lovery Calgon bathing kit thingy in case, ya know… you want it to “take you away”.

In the  back there is a very nice, 7 piece Oggi Wine set that you will want to use to open the bottle of wine that you take into the bath with you.

Next, going left to right… (I guess I should have pointed that out already, but you are so darn smart and sharp as a tack, you figured it out), we have a Burt’s Bee’s Natural Remedy Outdoor Survival Kit. It includes in it the following items:

  • All-In-One Wash
  • Hand Salve
  • Healthy Healing Carrot Nutritive Body Lotion
  • Lifeguard’s Choice Lip Balm
  • Poison Ivy Soap
  • Res-Q Ointment
  • Rosemary Mint Shampoo Bar
  • Therapeutic Bath Crystals

Then next in the middle of the hastily snapped photo is my ironic favorite. Yes, that’s right, 100, (that’s one hundred) Words Every High School Graduate Should Know.

Stop laughing, it’s never been opened and wasn’t purchased for me. Actually I don’t remember where I picked it up or why. Anyway, it’s shrink wrapped and everything. And remember, if you tease me about it too much, you could get points off on your entry… OK, not really.

Now go and write something awesome and imaginative about the scene in the masthead. I can’t wait to see!

(And if you don’t want to play, fine… but I will be taking names.)

Amberen Update #2

Remember when I said that I had received the Amberen? There were some other piddly little things mixed in with that announcement that were mildly important as well. Going to San Antonio. Having a baby… shiz like that. (We actually did go to San Antonio)

Ring a bell now?

Well, actually it’s been one and a half weeks now. I haven’t had any hot flashes AT ALL since the end of the first week.

And I’m not taking any hormones! Just making my own! And I’m not trying to be snobby, but mine ARE better.

That’s right, folks! I am done with hot flashes! I feel great and I hope to lose weight. We will see and I WILL keep you updated on this.

Any questions about this product besides the info here and here from my blog, go to the Amberen website, or just google it and look at all the testimonials. I went pages and pages into it and read, where I knew for sure it wasn’t going to be paid for advertising. This is really remarkable stuff.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got! Get busy on that post! Read the rest of this entry

Awards and Contests!


Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c01/h02/mnt/911/domains/halfasstic.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

Oh, what first, what first?!

I guess first of all I would like to let everyone in on a new blogger that is absolutely amazing to me. Her name is Amy and she, along with her husband and six children, live in Zambia, Africa running an orphanage. They have been there for seven years!

The name of her blog is Amy’s Assorted Adventures and boy, does it live up to it’s name!

It is fascinating to me what effort has to go into everything just to keep it going on over there. I mean everything! Anyway, I dearly love going here and reading about her and her adorable babies that are living with them and thriving due to their care. The babies get fat, healthy looking and out-going not long after being taken to them. The stories of how they end up with them are sometimes heartbreaking.  But everything she and her family is doing is adventurous, enthusiastic, and brave.

I would like to pass on the coveted “Loaded Diaper Award” to her and say right now that I have never given it out before.

Actually I forgot it was there and even when I did remember about it, I kept thinking that I should give it to someone with infants in diapers. Or, maybe an old lady they have hanging around keeping life interesting and diapers full. But, then I remember thinking, “Krissa,” (Yes I converse with myself like this… don’t you?), “what better reason to give a Loaded Diaper Award than giving it because someone has to put up with a lot of shit? I mean, isn’t that why you have it?” To which I answered myself, (Because it would be rude not to and I already know how out of hand I get when someone is rude to me.) “Yup.”

Well, Amy is a wonderful person that I have been having tons of fun conversing with and intend to have more, and she is not only doing diaper duty in spades, she is putting up with the shit of a difficult environment and laws and policies that make little or no sense, every day.

She deserves it. So go and read her. She is awesome, I tell you! AND new to blogging, so follow!

In other news…

Another of my favorite bloggers is having a wonderful giveaway! Jennymac over at Let’s Have A Cocktail, is giving away a Jimmy Choo handbag that is a lover-ly, luscious, chocolate brown, leather to the person drawn on Feb. 10, 2010. The rules and and all the goodies needed to enter are at her site and it’s easy-peasy, so go on over and enter! Plus, read her because she is all full of awesome and is the best way to make your few minutes of, “get away to another place through blogging”, the most fulfilling. Not to mention she is as sweet as pie.

So there! That’s it for me and you guys have got to get off and see these blogs!  Really! I wouldn’t lie to you! OK, that may or may not be true, depending on the situation, but still…. 😉


Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c01/h02/mnt/911/domains/halfasstic.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

I had a perfectly wonderful good decent acceptable post pulled together that was going to go up today, only all this other stuff happened that was MUCH better to talk about!

First of all I have been honored with a distinction of unequalled measure.  Witchypoo from over at Psychicgeek, has bestowed the coveted, (I’m guessing, cause gee, it’s really neato), Charming Award on me.  Yup.  It’s right here on me… trust me.  No, not really, you should probably never do that… at least with anything important. 😉

Aaaaanywho, there are directions with it to confuse my mushy little brain astound and amaze us all.  Prepare to applaud, whilst I exersize my copying and pasting skills.

Charming Award!

Charming Award!

Charming Award!

This award is given to the writers of blogs that “are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

Now, I am going to name my eight peeps and you really should stand and applaud.  Go ahead, nobody’s looking!  NO!  A golf clap will NOT do.  These kind souls deserve better than that!  I want to be able to hear it in south Texas.

That’s better.  (Cause I know you’re doing it, right?)

Ahem,

Angie of Big Hair Envy fame

Janet From The Planet of Janet

Tink at Pickled Beef

Kori at See Kori Rant

Predo at Spartacus Wore A Skirt

Karen at The Rocking Pony

Jean at Working Momma 247

Marylin at A Little Space For Me

THEN, as if this humongous privilege wasn’t enough, good ol’ Angie of Big Hair Envy tells me that she has drawn my name as one of the two winners of her “Pay it Forward” contest.

I am delighted about this and it’s going to be so much fun!

Here’s the exact, (cut and paste), wording of the famous Angie, herself, explaining the details of Pay It Forward.  It’s really quite easy.

I’m going to Pay It Forward to two commenter who leave me a message saying they would like to participate. I will randomly select the winners, and each will receive a gift from me! YAY! The only catch is that YOU must Pay It Forward on YOUR blog. Easy. Peasy.

Who’s in?
So there it is!  Just leave a comment saying you’re interested in playing and I’ll enter you into the contest!
Soon I’ll be receiving a gift from Angie and I’ll take photos and post all about it!
I’M EXCITED!
ALSO!  While delivering all this good news I have one more thing to toss out there!  I received an email from my dear brother, Cam the other day saying that there are new and different things available with his Periodic Table of Typeface on it!  I particuarily love the moleskine book cover!  There is a myraid of other things on the site that have been done with it.  Go check it out!
Stay tuned for an episode of “Stupid Criminals” next time! :-)

Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c01/h02/mnt/911/domains/halfasstic.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c01/h02/mnt/911/domains/halfasstic.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524