HI! I have a fun contest idea in mind that one of my favorite blogger/friends came up with.  Roger, over at A Screed In Time, was commenting on this post and saying that I need to get everyone to submit stories to explain the dopey picture in the new masthead. It is there TEMPORARILY until my dear brother can get around to realizing I am the most important thing in his life and my wishes are his command and there is nothing else that he needs to do besides fix up my blog and all that happy crap.

So far my telepathic messages aren’t working… With him Or George Clooney.

Whatev.

It is good blog fodder, so if you’re looking for something to post about, you can thank me in the form of a big fat check… That might negate the prize winning thing and all that, but you be the judge of how happy you would make God with your generosity, (not to mention, me). I’m just sayin’…

All you need to do is write a blog post that’s a fanciful story about what has/is/will happen in that regurgitated masthead photo. The more imaginative the better.

Anyway, it goes like this:

Official Rules and Regulations

• You, the party on the other end of my pooter, must, (in order to enter said contest), produce a story of at least 200ish words to go with the tacky WordPress default masthead that I have been cursed with.

• You must link back to me. Well, of course you would if anyone was going to see the picture anyway. This will pour all your millions of readers into my sight where one or more of the following is guaranteed to happen. They  will

1. be stunned and temporarily comatose
2. be amazed at your brilliance
3. wonder how you could possibly have such a dirty mind
4. wish they too could visit middle earth
5. remember to put the clothes in the dryer
6. immediately click “unfollow” on their reader and you will never hear from them again.

• You must proclaim your undying love for me on Twitter and Facebook, links and all, and any other weird places that you can think of. This is not REAL important as I won’t be checking… but just in case you ought to.

• You need to send me the link to your story in a comment.

• You need to offer to do a load of my laundry. And I mean wash, dry AND PUT AWAY. IN THE CORRECT PLACES, JOHN! Uh… I mean… yeah, right.

Then in, ooooh, let’s say one week, on the evening of July 15, I will decide who’s story is the most awesome-ist and proclaim a winner!

Now you wanna know, “Winner of WHAT? The afore alluded to gazillion bucks?”

Er, no.

I might have been exaggerating a smidge. Here. I gots a whole buttload of cheap, greasy shit, fabulous CASH AND PRIZES!

Here is what YOU COULD WIN!

Here, ya go! We have a lovery Calgon bathing kit thingy in case, ya know… you want it to “take you away”.

In the  back there is a very nice, 7 piece Oggi Wine set that you will want to use to open the bottle of wine that you take into the bath with you.

Next, going left to right… (I guess I should have pointed that out already, but you are so darn smart and sharp as a tack, you figured it out), we have a Burt’s Bee’s Natural Remedy Outdoor Survival Kit. It includes in it the following items:

• All-In-One Wash

• Hand Salve

• Healthy Healing Carrot Nutritive Body Lotion

• Lifeguard’s Choice Lip Balm

• Poison Ivy Soap

• Res-Q Ointment

• Rosemary Mint Shampoo Bar

• Therapeutic Bath Crystals

Then next in the middle of the hastily snapped photo is my ironic favorite. Yes, that’s right, 100, (that’s one hundred) Words Every High School Graduate Should Know.

Stop laughing, it’s never been opened and wasn’t purchased for me. Actually I don’t remember where I picked it up or why. Anyway, it’s shrink wrapped and everything. And remember, if you tease me about it too much, you could get points off on your entry… OK, not really.

Now go and write something awesome and imaginative about the scene in the masthead. I can’t wait to see!

(And if you don’t want to play, fine… but I will be taking names.)

Amberen Update #2

Remember when I said that I had received the Amberen? There were some other piddly little things mixed in with that announcement that were mildly important as well. Going to San Antonio. Having a baby… shiz like that. (We actually did go to San Antonio)

Ring a bell now?

Well, actually it’s been one and a half weeks now. I haven’t had any hot flashes AT ALL since the end of the first week.

And I’m not taking any hormones! Just making my own! And I’m not trying to be snobby, but mine ARE better.

That’s right, folks! I am done with hot flashes! I feel great and I hope to lose weight. We will see and I WILL keep you updated on this.

Any questions about this product besides the info here and here from my blog, go to the Amberen website, or just google it and look at all the testimonials. I went pages and pages into it and read, where I knew for sure it wasn’t going to be paid for advertising. This is really remarkable stuff.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got! Get busy on that post!