Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c01/h02/mnt/911/domains/halfasstic.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

Er, Hi… This is awkward, I feel like I should reintroduce myself. I have been an absentee blogger, mother of a latchkey blog, deadbeat blogger, take your pick. It’s all true. I should be ashamed. Yet, here I sit feeling, for all the world, like, “As soon as they hear my excuses, I’ll be off the hook and nobody will blame me for abandoning my baby blog.”

Well, enough’s enough. I am back and for the moment, (actually, for a lot of moments), I feel completely overwhelmed by all the stuff that’s been happening and trying to relate it to you, so I will begin and at least hit the high points. OK, the low ones too, cause you know there were some low points. This IS the HalfAsstic life I lead.

When last I was here I believe I was relating that H was out of hospital and on hospice. Man o’ man I ‘d forgotten what at freakin’ thrill ride that shit is. For about 4 days my house was an endless parade of nurses, aides,  men from the medical supply place and drug delivery. It was aaaaall coming back to me.  When H was first moved in with us, straight out of the hospital, five years ago, she was on hospice. So I’ve done this before, it’s just been a long time.

She remained on hospice for two years and then was “graduated off” and went onto home health care. Which is a nurse that comes to visit however many times a week she needs it, (Two), and an aide comes out and gives her a bed bath however many times a week she will tolerate it. (Five)

So here is Henrietta, looking for all the world like she could die at any minute and apparently I was trying to do a sympathy thing by killing myself in the process.

Take a look at these:

First of all I realize I don’t put my picture on here often. I take horrible pictures and I am the one that’s always behind the camera anyway, so taking bad ones combined with not getting it taken often, well, you get the…picture. groan

I look similar to this chick down here, only I don’t normally walk around looking like I have a thyroid condition unless someone says smile and I start doing the bug-eyed thing attempting not to blink. Whatever.

Right, so now you have a base line. Let’s see how things have been going for me this past couple of weeks, shall we?

First of all I would like to state that John does NOT beat me. I am sure there have been times he was tempted to in the past 21 years of marriage, yet, to this very day, it hasn’t happened. There really is no need when I can do such a… bang up job, all by myself.

Exhibit A

That goose egg on my forehead? Totally self inflicted. Remember some time ago when I explained why I don’t drive and all about my head injury when I was a teenager, the vision loss was a part of that whole post and if you remember, (and even if you don’t), I explained how I am blind from the center of the normal field of vision to the left. All the way. Aaaaanyway, the damn washstand, that has been sitting there in the exact same spot since we moved in here five years ago, all of the sudden jumped out and underneath me when I was bending over and I never saw it coming since it was praying on my handicap. Stupid washstand. I would like to say that it is now kindling in firewood pile, but it’s really rather pretty and antique and goes with the bedroom set.

I did, however use a considerable amount of profanity immediately following the impact.

Next we have,

Exhibit B

This is what happens to you when you’ve only gone through half of the zombie change.

I was just innocently rubbing my eye, (gently, even), and a blood vessel broke and it hurt like hell. My eye wept constantly for a couple of days. I mean to the point that I would wake up during the night and there would be a wet spot on my pillow the size of a silver dollar. Just gross.

I got the goose egg first and it was really pretty much gone when I got the zombie eye. My eyebrows tell the tale as well. Goose egg Krissa had just had them waxed recently. Zombie eye Krissa is needing it again. Bad. But, honestly? When sporting an eyeball like that? Who would be looking at my eyebrows?

That’s enough of that crap. I will post again soon so I can catch you up on the roller coaster ride that is The HalfAsstic Lifestyle.

Oh, PS and all that, I am looking normal again, now. OK, well, normal as can be expected.