My friend, Red, over at In The Wheel, had a brilliant idea. I cannot take any credit for this idea except to say that my friends are terribly creative and brilliant. Why, yes! Yes, you are! And you too! Oh, and you, and you and you! ALL OF YOU ARE!
OK, enough kissing ass and on to the brilliant idea Red had.
In a comment on the last post she said, “… maybe Henrietta should start a newspaper – the Henrietta Inquirer.”
This is an obvious oversight on my part as we could be rich by now and in paper print if the Hollywood press had found out about her back at the beginning of her wild story telling. Well, or any press at all. Particularly the raunchy kind.
Can you imagine the ruckus in her little mind as we sat here Superbowl Sunday, watching the game, groaning and shrieking, yelling and high fiving? She sat alone in her room watching some crime drama that she just can’t get enough of. (Cause, I mean what else is a paranoid little old lady going to want to watch? Certainly not sitcoms or anything else reasonable.) I had invited her in to watch the game with us, but she was fast to point out that she wanted nothing to do with it.
Then. Somewhere around the third quarter, she is spotted rolling down the hall like stormtroopers. She, effectively, bursts into the living room and snaps her head around in all directions. “Why is it dark in here?! Turn that light on!”
The overhead light was off and I switched on a lamp beside me. “What?” I was clearly a bit pissed. She ignored me completely and looked at John.
“Is he here?”
John and I don’t even pretend we don’t know who she’s talking about anymore. “Gilbert is outside, mother, he’s checking on the steaks.
Damn, we ate late…
She doesn’t understand what he’s said, just as she doesn’t understand most of what anyone says when she’s got her dander up.
“John, you better not be letting him put any drugs into you!”
And, really, I think this is the most amazing thing about the whole affair. John, her perfect child that could never do any wrong in her eyes, and has NEVER IN HIS LIFE, (OK, he’s admitted to smoking a little pot in high school), DONE ANY DRUGS. Not to mention he is battling CONGESTIVE HEART FAILURE! She is convinced that he is getting illegal drugs from Gilbert who is clean as a whistle and has never been in any trouble like that in his life.
I can honestly say that we have stopped trying to talk her out of her misconceptions of Gilbert or anything that she comes up with that is crazy. She just gets kinda waved off. Heh. Which pisses HER off.
She was last seen, that night during the game, being quickly propelled down the hall to her room. With me doing the propelling.