Boundaries. I would first like to describe, (so there can be absolutely no misunderstanding), exactly where Henrietta’s lie.
They are completely and utterly nonexistent. People, I have searched. They are not there. I have reason to believe they never were. Kind of like a quirky birth defect that it’s OK to laugh at, because, damn, there is nothing else to do when you have been made that uncomfortable.
Today was just the latest on her arm long rap sheet of offenses.
Keelan’s friend, we’ll call her Marie to protect the innocent, came home from college for the day and was over at the house to see Keelan. When she walked through the living room Henrietta saw her and they exchanged hello’s and the customary, “I haven’t seen you in so long”, and “It’s so good to see you again…”, and “How’s college?”
This is all sounding so civilized and like she knows how to comport herself, right?
I started feeling uncomfortable and was slowly realizing what was coming when she said, “Marie, I remember the last time you were here you had lost so much weight!”.
Ohshit, ohshit ohshit…
Then, under her breath a little but unmistakable to everyone in the room, “But, I see you’re gaining it all back.”.
Damn. The poor girl had almost made it to the stairs, too.
Every time one of her nieces is down from New York to visit she makes a comment about her weight. Every. Single. Time. Only she is, only slightly, a little less affronting with her. The lady is extremely overweight and I would guess you could say “morbidly obese”. Henrietta asks her if she’s trying to diet on each visit.
She comes from New York. A milliondy-thousand miles away for this.
Yes, we’ve got such genteel, charming, southern breeding down here. And then there’s Henrietta.
Oh! Wait a minute! I was about to sign off when another unforgettable moment sprung to mind. Several years ago, when H was on hospice, her nurse was a dear lady in her 60’s that we all became very fond of. She still comes over to visit from time to time and I run out to have lunch with her here and again.
Of course Henrietta got to know her life’s story by asking one obtrusive question after the other back when she first started coming to pay professional visits to her. She was very close to death at that point, yet not so close that she couldn’t be nosy. I am fairly certain there is no such place.
After knowing her for a few weeks and ascertaining that she was 63 and had never been married, she popped up and asked her if she was a virgin. I almost fell over. To her credit, Connie, the nurse, snapped back, “Well, sure!” and gave her something to think about.
You know, over the years, even with Connie and I referring to her girlfriend that lives with her and everything, she still doesn’t get it that Connie’s gay.
I bet I could blow her mind with that. 🙂
Comment by witchypoo on February 4, 2010 at 6:56 pm
I was going to say something, but just remembered that I haven’t pooped yet today,and now you will scold me. *fear*
.-= witchypoo´s last blog ..Funeral Potatoes =-.
Comment by Krissa on February 4, 2010 at 6:59 pm
Just wait till I tell Henrietta.
Comment by Jean M. on February 4, 2010 at 9:23 pm
Oh how funny! It would have been hilarious if the nurse shocked her and just came right out and told her. Maybe you should casually bring it up to her in conversation just to get a rise….or not. 🙂
.-= Jean M.´s last blog ..I Meme, There For I Am =-.
Comment by Chief on February 4, 2010 at 9:46 pm
*rubs hands together*
ooo let me fly in and splain it too her!
I would so love you forever! I know exactly how I would spell it out for her.
.-= Chief´s last blog ..The Skew and Thank You Very Much John Edwards. You scumsucking dumbass. =-.
Comment by Nicole on February 4, 2010 at 9:46 pm
Be sure and have a camera handy the day she finds out that the nurse prefers hamburgers over hot dogs – that shot will be priceless!
.-= Nicole´s last blog ..*!&@%$# Technology =-.
Comment by Quixotic on February 5, 2010 at 2:17 am
Gay? Oh, you mean she’s an old-fashioned happy soul? Oh, good for her!!! *snort, snigger, general inappropriate laughter*
.-= Quixotic´s last blog ..Hands off my hoo-hah Tony Abbott! =-.
Comment by Lisa on February 5, 2010 at 9:52 am
Let me tell her…….PLEASE!!!!!!!! You could video tape it ! LOL
Comment by Hyphen Mama on February 5, 2010 at 3:25 pm
YOU. ARE. A. SAINT.
.-= Hyphen Mama´s last blog ..Dear Mrs Scatter, =-.
Comment by tattytiara on February 7, 2010 at 10:43 pm
Haha, I guess one plus one only equals two when it occurs to you that you might actually know a two yourself!
.-= tattytiara´s last blog ..Never write titles when, um, the thing is… wait what? No! I mean never write titles when you’re high. I think? =-.
Comment by Red Hamster on February 8, 2010 at 1:43 pm
“She was very close to death at that point, yet not so close that she couldn’t be nosy” – I think you have the opening line of a book there. Or maybe Henrietta should start a newspaper – the Henrietta Inquirer.
.-= Red Hamster´s last blog ..Friday essay assignment =-.
Comment by grandma j on February 11, 2010 at 9:25 am
I’m lagging behind in keeping up with you and Henrietta. Sounds like there’s never a dull moment. I’ve never known anyone to survive hospice, I always thought it was an “end of life” thing. Henrietta proved me wrong, and I’m grateful for the inlightenment.
.-= grandma j´s last blog .. =-.
Comment by Karen on February 22, 2010 at 8:43 am
Are you waiting for the Apocalypse to break this news? Because I’d consider that an ace in the hole. Of course, she’d be in a tailspin for months, and Gil would now be the Good Guy in comparison…
.-= Karen´s last blog ..The Learning Curve Is a Sharp One =-.
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