I am sitting here feeling overwhelmed. And I have pushed everything out of my mind except just “do a post”. John is sitting here, asleep on and off, in that chair they have in most all hospital rooms that reclines all the way out for someone to sleep on because he is sick of the bed. I’m in the bed. It hasn’t been that long since I posted and yet an eternity seems to have gone by. Time has no meaning here, it seems. It just wanders around and unpredictably slows down and races forward leaving me wondering why one thing is taking so long and how it’s possible to already have results from something else so fast. What happened to yesterday when things were so much better? Will tomorrow ever finally just GET HERE?
It seems the hits just keep on coming. Here is a 52 year old man that has never in his life been in the hospital. Has never missed a single day of work in all the 10 years he’s worked for the Kr**er Company. At 6 feet some odd inches tall and all shoulders, he’s always been a formidable enough man to scare the hell out of Kes and Keelan’s boyfriends when they were in high school. Now, we’re told he’s had a mild heart attack and he won’t ever be able to get rid of the excess fluid in and around his lungs until his heart is back working correctly and can “pump it off”. He has been on massive amounts of lasix since we got here and has finally gotten rid of most of the swelling in his limbs and belly from all the fluid. However the fluid in and around his lungs is being produced faster than the lasix can keep up. Because the heart can’t pump hard enough to get it gone.
Something like that. You would be amazed to know the extent of the crash course I have taken in cardiac terminology.
So now on Monday they are going to do an angiogram. Or sometimes it’s called a catheterization. They will run a tube from his groin up through his body into his heart and put dye into it that way. The x-ray will pick up the dye very well and indicate where it is able to go and not go. Hence, they will be able to see what all is damaged, why, and, hopefully, how to fix it. Hopefully with medicine. If not that, with a stint or a balloon. And, I guess worst case scenario would be open heart surgery.
I am scared and he is just plain depressed. He has always been a fairly pessimistic person, I mean he’d have to be having been raised by Henrietta, right? But, he is really down about all this. He keeps saying things like, “Our lives are never going to be the same, now.” And I tell him that even if this hadn’t happened our lives change everyday anyway. But that’s not what he’s trying to say and I know it. However, my attitude is you just have to buck up and handle it. I have got a ton of literature on diabetes and he is quite despondent about the whole change in menu that is about to take place. I am seeing a great opportunity for him to get healthier and feel better than he’s been feeling. And I’ll lose weight, too!
Well, I have probably bored you all to tears with this emotional, rambling, drivel. I will try to hit it again tomorrow if I can find the time and energy. I am SO sorry that I haven’t been a good blog reader lately. I am feeling like it’s all I can do to get phone calls made and emails answered. This post is just to give everybody a heads up as to what’s going on and to tell you thank you so much for all you guy’s kind words and love and prayers.
You guys are tops and I love you all.
PS I promise to make a really good stab at getting back to reading YOUR posts soon!
Comment by Jean M. on October 3, 2009 at 10:51 pm
Sweet Sweet Krissa, YOU SHOULD NOT WORRY ABOUT US! “We” are OK! You worry about getting that hubs of yours better. I’m certainly lifting you guys in prayer! You’ve got a great attitude and that’s what John what needs now. Hugs to you! I expect to hear good news soon. 🙂
Comment by Hyphen Mama on October 3, 2009 at 11:14 pm
Please don’t worry one single minute about BLOGGING–well, minus the part where you keep us posted! For the love of everything that is holy, please just put your positive energy into your husband and his recovery. I am so sorry this is happening to you and John.
I swear, life just scares the crap out of me.
Continuing to send prayers.
.-= Hyphen Mama´s last blog ..Does anybody else smell that? What is that smell? =-.
Comment by Chief on October 3, 2009 at 11:24 pm
Don’t worry about reading our shit.
I am feeling for both of you.
Duke has been diabetic for 6 years now and it isn’t so bad. REally, it was a blessing because eating diabetic is so healthy for everyone in the family. It has changed the way we look at food!
Thanks for the update and know that I am thinking of you.
.-= Chief´s last blog ..Serious Sunday: One tough chick =-.
Comment by grandma j on October 3, 2009 at 11:27 pm
Oh Krissa, I feel so bad for what you and John are going through. It’s a wait, wait situation and I pray that no matter what Monday brings in the way of tests and treatment, that the outcome is positive and healing.
Oh, and don’t worry about visiting my blog, I understand what this whole scenario is doing to you…exhaustion of the worst kind. Besides, my blog is not earth shattering and it’s all about urine and other stuff that is gross. Besides you’ve already had your fill of bodily fluid stuff.
Hang in there GF, and know so many are lifting you up in prayer. 🙂
.-= grandma j´s last blog .. =-.
Comment by Roger on October 3, 2009 at 11:30 pm
Krissa, please don’t worry about us, or worry about reading our words of wisdom, I know that mine aren’t always very wise. 🙂
Take care of that man of yours and we’ll help on the spiritual end by keeping you both in our prayers.
.-= Roger´s last blog ..How to Tell When Banana’s Go Bad =-.
Comment by Nan on October 4, 2009 at 4:02 am
I tell you what, if anything really important happens in Blogland, we’ll let you know.
You have such a great attitude, Lady Halfasstic! Remember to look after yourself as well, you will need the strength. And yeah! A healthy change of diet is a good thing. Do some searches for great healthy cooking sites.
.-= Nan´s last blog ..Kitchen Thinking =-.
Comment by noe noe girl on October 4, 2009 at 7:39 am
Good golly Krissa- we are the last ones you need to worry about. We are all worried about you guys. So dont even try to mess that up. Keeping you and John in my prayers. Things may change but I have learned…it’s not what happens to you…it’s how you deal with it. And you guys will deal with whatever comes your way. Stay strong. Love you!
Comment by Ree on October 4, 2009 at 8:48 am
Yea, don’t worry about us. Geez.
.-= Ree´s last blog ..Sharing Saturday – the pink edition =-.
Comment by Kori on October 4, 2009 at 9:36 am
I for one have been a little pissed that you haven’t been reading; slacker. : ) you know I am teasing, and I am just so worried about BOTH of you.
.-= Kori´s last blog ..Friday Fragments =-.
Comment by witchypoo on October 4, 2009 at 10:22 am
Sending heartsong. Love you.
.-= witchypoo´s last blog ..Poopy Small =-.
Comment by Simply Savvy Girl on October 4, 2009 at 11:18 am
Don’t spend a SECOND thinking about us. You’re doing the exact right thing for your family and that’s the most important thing! It sounds like John’s reaction is perfectly normal and actually a healthy reaction to what is a major change. Just because he’s feeling it now doesn’t mean he’ll feel this way forever. But it has to be scary for him, and feels like a loss of how things used to be. The uncertainty you both must be feeling is very real and it’s okay to feel scared, overwhelmed, unsure and like it just plain sucks. That being said, I’m glad he has your upbeat personality to remind him that there are good things that can come from bad situations and that you’re in this together. One step at a time. We’re all thinking about you!
.-= Simply Savvy Girl´s last blog ..SSG’s First New Heirloom Recipe =-.
Comment by Aunt Becky on October 4, 2009 at 11:52 am
You just hang in there and don’t worry about a single one of us. If ANYONE has an issue with you not visiting them, well, they’re a jerk. I’d say something ruder, but this is your blog and, I don’t know if you swear. XOXO
Hang in there, love.
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..Go Ask Aunt Becky =-.
Comment by Karen on October 4, 2009 at 9:43 pm
A heart attack now?! You guys just can’t catch a break in all this, can you. Hon, we’ll keep praying. For Joh, for you, for the girls…
.-= Karen´s last blog ..It’s All About Location, Location, Location =-.
Comment by Jennifer on October 5, 2009 at 3:07 pm
I can understand where his is coming from and I only had a little ear infection last week. It turned into cellulitis (the entire side of my face got swollen) and now I can’t hear. It was kind of scary for a few days because it is not a great place to get that kind of infection and it wasn’t really responding to treatment. Once in the ear, it can easily spread…etc. The Dr. says my hearing will come back in a few weeks so hopefully, that is true. Now that I’m out of pain, it is much easier to see that things will change and be ok. John will get there too once he has some distance.
My last visit before that, my blood tests came back just at the borderline of prediabetes. Boy, did that scare me. I know that life will never be the same, but again, now with distance, I see that it is a good thing and good changes will come to my life from lifestyle changes I need to make. We can share recipes! He’ll see it too once he can get back to his daily life. He’s lucky to have you! As I know you feel about him… Take care you two. Don’t worry about us. We’ll always be here!
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Blog Action Day =-.
Comment by Hyphen Mama on October 5, 2009 at 9:40 pm
I’m thinking of you and John tonight. I hope today went well. I hope you both can get some sleep tonight.
.-= Hyphen Mama´s last blog ..Does anybody else smell that? What is that smell? =-.
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