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I am sitting here feeling overwhelmed. And I have pushed everything out of my mind except just “do a post”. John is sitting here, asleep on and off, in that chair they have in most all hospital rooms that reclines all the way out for someone to sleep on because he is sick of the bed. I’m in the bed. It hasn’t been that long since I posted and yet an eternity seems to have gone by. Time has no meaning here, it seems. It just wanders around and unpredictably slows down and races forward leaving me wondering why one thing is taking so long and how it’s possible to already have results from something else so fast. What happened to yesterday when things were so much better? Will tomorrow ever finally just GET HERE?
It seems the hits just keep on coming. Here is a 52 year old man that has never in his life been in the hospital. Has never missed a single day of work in all the 10 years he’s worked for the Kr**er Company. At 6 feet some odd inches tall and all shoulders, he’s always been a formidable enough man to scare the hell out of Kes and Keelan’s boyfriends when they were in high school. Now, we’re told he’s had a mild heart attack and he won’t ever be able to get rid of the excess fluid in and around his lungs until his heart is back working correctly and can “pump it off”. He has been on massive amounts of lasix since we got here and has finally gotten rid of most of the swelling in his limbs and belly from all the fluid. However the fluid in and around his lungs is being produced faster than the lasix can keep up. Because the heart can’t pump hard enough to get it gone.
Something like that. You would be amazed to know the extent of the crash course I have taken in cardiac terminology.
So now on Monday they are going to do an angiogram. Or sometimes it’s called a catheterization. They will run a tube from his groin up through his body into his heart and put dye into it that way. The x-ray will pick up the dye very well and indicate where it is able to go and not go. Hence, they will be able to see what all is damaged, why, and, hopefully, how to fix it. Hopefully with medicine. If not that, with a stint or a balloon. And, I guess worst case scenario would be open heart surgery.
I am scared and he is just plain depressed. He has always been a fairly pessimistic person, I mean he’d have to be having been raised by Henrietta, right? But, he is really down about all this. He keeps saying things like, “Our lives are never going to be the same, now.” And I tell him that even if this hadn’t happened our lives change everyday anyway. But that’s not what he’s trying to say and I know it. However, my attitude is you just have to buck up and handle it. I have got a ton of literature on diabetes and he is quite despondent about the whole change in menu that is about to take place. I am seeing a great opportunity for him to get healthier and feel better than he’s been feeling. And I’ll lose weight, too!
Well, I have probably bored you all to tears with this emotional, rambling, drivel. I will try to hit it again tomorrow if I can find the time and energy. I am SO sorry that I haven’t been a good blog reader lately. I am feeling like it’s all I can do to get phone calls made and emails answered. This post is just to give everybody a heads up as to what’s going on and to tell you thank you so much for all you guy’s kind words and love and prayers.
You guys are tops and I love you all.
PS I promise to make a really good stab at getting back to reading YOUR posts soon!