These are all things that could happen some day… but, until they do it is in everyone’s best interest if they don’t , like, hold their breath or anything drastic like that.
Floors are an area of housekeeping that is an enigma for me. I mean cleaning it has always been hit or miss at best. I am quite careful of the dishes and keeping the kitchen clean. My laundry is fastidious. Toilets, clean enough to actually POOP in, (if you can imagine doing such a thing). But the floors just seem like such a losing battle. I mean, people actually WALK on those. In their DIRTY SHOES. And if anything gets dropped, nasty stuff or not, guess where it lands. That’s right. Think about it, it has never made less sense to clean anything.
When the girls were babies, crawling around, I tied wet sponges to their little knees and hands and sent them on their way I made a better stab at vacuuming and sweeping and (yawn) mopping. But as they grew older and developed immunity to plagues the ability to walk, their little faces shined, their hair gleamed and smelled of baby shampoo with a huge matching bow in it. Their outfits were always washed, with no stains and perfectly pressed on the occasion it was needed. Their little white lace-ups and sandals, always polished. You’d never look at one of MY children and think that their mother was so ghetto that it would take a street sweeper to get her floors clean. (Mither is going to DIE at that statement… maybe it’s a bit of an exaggeration.)
My dilemma now is somewhat different than it used to be. I now have such “easy care” floors. Ceramic tile in the kitchen, breakfast area, foyer and bathrooms and wood laminate through out the entire rest of the downstairs with the exception of my bedroom which is carpeted. All the floors are… heh, “easy shine” . But there is a buttload of them. Did I say “buttload”? Maybe I meant shitload… Hummm. Well, for heaven’s sake! Why am I second guessing myself? I am just as certain of my housekeeping as I am of my grammar.
The hairy little dog doesn’t help things any. She tends to produce great galloping dust bunnies that take on a life of thir own when turned loose in the house. I guess they’re all domesticated, as far as I know there aren’t any outside.
Trust me people, by the time they are entirely surrounded and caught, they usually have their own IQ’s. It’s not unusual for me to have a showdown with them.
My particular variety sound a lot like Cheech and Chong…
Dust Bunny- “Hey, bitch! You da maid?”
me- looking a bit scared, “…er, yeah?”
DB-“Woman, where you bean?”
me- “Uh, you know… dusting and… you know… there’s the shitty diapers and sheets and, and… WAIT A MINUTE! You’re the dust bunny! Why am I explaining myself to you? GET OUT! I’M GOING FOR THE BROOMY THING AND DUSTER PAN OTHER THING. And I know you’re scared of those contraptions!”
DB- Clearly incapacitated by raucous laughter and drinking my beer, “Bitch, you don’ know how to use d’ose gizmo’s! jes sit down and re-lax!”
me- With righteous indignation dripping out of my pours, yet sitting down just the same, “How DARE you! I am the BIG CHEESE here buddy! You need to get your shit together and get out! YOU HEARD ME! All your little dust bunny pets need to go too!”
DB- Taking a different tone now, “Now, come on chicka, settle down and re-lax! There’s a Boston Legal rerun coming on in just a few mee-nits and we can watch it…”
me- “Really? Boston Legal?”
DB- “Suuuuure. Ya know, chika… we could use some popcorn…”
10 comments
Comment by witchypoo on July 21, 2009 at 10:05 pm
Dust bunnies here are made of human hair. Different colours, so we know who they are related to.
.-= witchypoo´s last blog ..Have You Lost Weight? =-.
Comment by Jean M. on July 21, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Yeah this could be my post. Amen sister about the floor and people walk on it constantly therefor pointless to keep it clean. The dust bunnies here certainly do breed like rabbits. Wonders if that’s why they call them “bunnies”…
.-= Jean M.´s last blog ..The Day Book VLOG #1 =-.
Comment by Kori on July 22, 2009 at 7:28 am
I thought the same thing when we moved in here-there are NO carpets, anywhere. Nope-still a mess.
.-= Kori´s last blog ..The Vacation in Photos =-.
Comment by grandma j on July 22, 2009 at 9:00 am
I have the wood laminate floors and I’m thinking “leaf blower”.
.-= grandma j´s last blog .. =-.
Comment by big hair envy on July 22, 2009 at 1:07 pm
What you bean smokin’ in the back room, Chica?? Bwahahahahaha!
.-= big hair envy´s last blog ..Mathews Mayhem =-.
Comment by Hyphen Mama on July 22, 2009 at 8:28 pm
OMG! Up until a month ago I vacuumed EVERY SINGLE DAY! Why? I have a Chesapeake Bay Retriever that sheds 40 pounds of fur A DAY. And he’s black! I didn’t realize the state of the floors until my first kid was learning to crawl and her clothes and FACE would be covered in BLACK PUBIC-HAIR LIKE FUR. Even in her mouth. I hate cleaning the floors every day, but GAH, the PUBIC-HAIR LIKE FUR IN MY BABY’S MOUTH just about made me die.
Luckily, both my sprouts are walking upright now, so the floors get cleaned a few times a week.
Is it horrible to count the days until the dog goes to doggie heaven? Yeah? Okay, then I don’t count the days until he goes to doggie heaven. I just count the days until I can spend that time drinking heavily.
.-= Hyphen Mama´s last blog ..WWYD? =-.
Comment by Hyphen Mama on July 22, 2009 at 8:28 pm
Wait a minute! Don’t you have a daughter who’s pretty handy with that floor steamer thingy?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAH
.-= Hyphen Mama´s last blog ..WWYD? =-.
Comment by Roger on July 24, 2009 at 2:06 pm
As long as the dust bunny’s don’t hop in bed with me, I really don’t care about them. I am a bit jealous though, because I have been trying to talk to those guys for the LONGEST time… GUess I’ll pick up some popcorn on the way home, and try that! 🙂
.-= Roger´s last blog ..Blocked! =-.
Comment by Mr. Corvette on July 24, 2009 at 3:16 pm
For those of you who live with hairy animals (no, not husbands with hairy backs) there is a “comb” called a Furminator (insert registered trademark sign thingy here). It has long triangular “teeth” that seem be be very slightly rough on the edges to pull out the loose hair. They are expensive – $30.00 or so – but boy do they remove the hair. If I will use mine on the cats that let me live in their house, there is hardly any hair loss in the house (or in hair balls). But have the vacuum handy when you start, because you will end of with a pile of hair that is impossible to ignore, even for me. I don’t own stock in the company, just happen to think the thing works great.
Comment by Predo on July 25, 2009 at 5:52 pm
Laughing my ass offffff!!!!
.-= Predo´s last blog ..So, in earlier episodes…. =-.
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