Remember Jay Leno’s Stupid Criminals segments? When he would regale the audience with tales of how someone got caught breaking into a house because they made it halfway through the dogie door and got stuck there? Or was holding up a liquor store and trying to steal liquor too and when told that they needed to be over 21 to take the liquor, they handed over their license and even forgot to get it back?
There are many more of these.
John comes home from work fairly often with some doozies. There is no end to the funny, and sometimes a little sad, tales of stupid criminals.
Take, for instance, the other day when a young kid was spied taking a box of Extenze (male “enhancement” product), off a shelf and putting it in his pocket. This crap sells for $40.00 a box.
John was waved over and he more or less stalked the guy until he got spooked and went into the bathroom. John followed and the kid was immediately leaving. John stopped him and gestured to the trashcan where the empty box was. The boy denied everything and so was asked to step into the office. He continued to deny that he had taken the box or that he had taken the blister packs out and had them on him. John told him to just give it up, because the cops were going to be called and they WOULD get it back. Nothing. Complete denial.
The cops show up and, eventually the kid strips to his skivvies. John said the cop told him, “Don’t take off the underwear!” Anyway, they were tightie-whities, so it was evident it wasn’t in there.
Then they pulled out the big guns. They called The Mama. Tears were shed upon hearing this. Mom showed up and he finally admitted taking the box and that when he got it into the bathroom, he discovered that someone had already stolen the contents.
This boy is 17 years old, just graduated from high school, 6’5″, has basketball scholarships to colleges, and stole a box of Extenze.
That was empty.
And he was a black kid, too! Doing absolutely nothing to uphold the stereotype.
*sigh*
It was a misdemeanor, so I don’t think it’s going to hurt his ability to use the scholarships, at least I hope not. I told John it just makes me want to shake him really hard and scream at him about how stupid that was. He assured me that The Mama was most definitely going to be doing that.
In our next installment of Stupid Criminals, we will explore the question of, “Why are we consistantly turning up $100.00 short on one till or another when different people are running them… even department heads?” And no, it’s not organized crime. 
Why Why Why!? Wonder if he was possibly doing it to impress a girl? How embarrassing to have to call momma, cause you stole some enhancement? I mean underage drinking or some such nonsense but stealing those? I think I’d have to tell the cops to just take me in.
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I shouldn’t laugh-I really shouldn’t-but I can’t help it. The funniest thing in the world is the fact that it was an empty box. Sad, sure, I get that part of it, but still, funnier than hell.
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LMAO!
I would think it wasn’t stealing if he didn’t take it out of the store? Legally, not morally.
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Well, I did neglect to point out that he had already “passed the point of sale”. He’d bought a coke with it in his pocket…before he headed to the bathroom with it. *still shaking head in disbelief*
I know it’s probably not polite to laugh, but that is funny!!!! : )
I thought for sure you were going to say that he swallowed the whole box.
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And what does he tell the girl? Because you KNOW he did not tell her what really happened!
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That’s horrible! Why do people self-sabotage?