Archive for June, 2009

Picture Purge #3

Wow!  There are a ton of totally unrelated pictures on my camera that need to come off.

Don’t expect any of this to make sense.  (HA! Like I had to warn you about THAT!) It was just whatever moved me to take a picture of whatever at the time.

Me at chiropractor right before she stretches me from 5'4" to 5'7" Heh

Me at chiropractor right before she stretches me ON THE RACK. John took this.

Inside of purse while bored in waiting room... somewhere...

Inside of purse while bored in waiting room... somewhere...

I need a dress to attend an afternoon wedding.  OUTSIDE. IN JUNE.

I need a dress to attend an afternoon wedding. OUTSIDE. IN JUNE.

Top two contenders.  The one on the right won.

Top two contenders. The one on the right won.

Wedding we were attending.

Wedding reception we were attending.

Our tiki bar at the wedding reception of our neighbor across the street.

Our tiki bar at the wedding reception of our neighbor across the street.

Ladies from the neighborhood.

Ladies from the neighborhood.

The happy couple, Rich and Pat.

The happy couple, Rich and Pat.

And that’s enough about the wedding.

Next we have Henrietta after the SIL showed up early enough to get her out of bed and dressed and hauled into the chair and into the living room and I looked at her and damned if she didn’t dress her in a pink and white striped top and bright red pants.  It’s kinda hard to tell in the picture, cause I didn’t use a flash, but her pants are RED.  When I said, “Couldn’t you have found her something that matched?”  She said, “Oh! That’s good enough for Mom!”

So sweet.

While going to Kohl's the other day... Heh!

While going to Kohl's the other day. Heh!

So is it going to rain or is this the apocolypse?

So is it going to rain or is this the apocalypse? This is while leaving Kohl's.

Keelan's snake... making himself comfortable.

Keelan's snake, making himself comfortable.

Look!  He's smiling for the camera!

Look! He's smiling for the camera!

Our new tiki bar.  Isn't it cute.  OK, but it was FREE. That's what I thought.

Our new tiki bar. Isn't it cute? OK, but it was free. That's what I thought.

…and besides that, I went outside in the heat of the day and painted it with water sealant. It’s been getting around 95 and 96 degrees here every day and the humidity is hovering around 126%.

Yes I agree.  it is absolutely beautiful.

The cicadas are out and making a horrible racket and leaving these shells around all over the place.

The cicadas are out and making a horrible racket and leaving these shells around all over the place.

There.  That wasn’t too terribly painful, was it?  OK! OK!  The good news is that my camera is clean and therefore my mind is too.
Yeah!  RIGHT!!!

Stupid Criminals part 1

Remember Jay Leno’s Stupid Criminals segments?  When he would regale the audience with tales of how someone got caught breaking into a house because they made it halfway through the dogie door and got stuck there?  Or was holding up a liquor store and trying to steal liquor too and when told that they needed to be over 21 to take the liquor, they handed over their license and even forgot to get it back?

There are many more of these.

John comes home from work fairly often with some doozies.  There is no end to the funny, and sometimes a little sad, tales of stupid criminals.

Take, for instance, the other day when a young kid was spied taking a box of Extenze (male “enhancement” product), off a shelf and putting it in his pocket. This crap sells for $40.00 a box.

John was waved over and he more or less stalked the guy until he got spooked and went into the bathroom.  John followed and the kid was immediately leaving.  John stopped him and gestured to the trashcan where the empty box was.  The boy denied everything and so was asked to step into the office.  He continued to deny that he had taken the box or that he had taken the blister packs out and had them on him.  John told him to just give it up, because the cops were going to be called and they WOULD get it back.  Nothing.  Complete denial.

The cops show up and, eventually the kid strips to his skivvies.  John said the cop told him, “Don’t take off the underwear!”  Anyway, they were tightie-whities, so it was evident it wasn’t in there.

Then they pulled out the big guns.  They called The Mama.  Tears were shed upon hearing this.  Mom showed up and he finally admitted taking the box and that when he got it into the bathroom, he discovered that someone had already stolen the contents.

This boy is 17 years old, just graduated from high school, 6’5″, has basketball scholarships to colleges, and stole a box of Extenze.

That was empty.

And he was a black kid, too!  Doing absolutely nothing to uphold the stereotype.

*sigh*

It was a misdemeanor, so I don’t think it’s going to hurt his ability to use the scholarships, at least I hope not.  I told John it just makes me want to shake him really hard and scream at him about how stupid that was.  He assured me that The Mama was most definitely going to be doing that.

In our next installment of Stupid Criminals, we will explore the question of, “Why are we consistantly turning up $100.00 short on one till or another when different people are running them… even department heads?” And no, it’s not organized crime. :-)

I had a perfectly wonderful good decent acceptable post pulled together that was going to go up today, only all this other stuff happened that was MUCH better to talk about!

First of all I have been honored with a distinction of unequalled measure.  Witchypoo from over at Psychicgeek, has bestowed the coveted, (I’m guessing, cause gee, it’s really neato), Charming Award on me.  Yup.  It’s right here on me… trust me.  No, not really, you should probably never do that… at least with anything important. ;-)

Aaaaanywho, there are directions with it to confuse my mushy little brain astound and amaze us all.  Prepare to applaud, whilst I exersize my copying and pasting skills.

Charming Award!

Charming Award!

Charming Award!

This award is given to the writers of blogs that “are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

Now, I am going to name my eight peeps and you really should stand and applaud.  Go ahead, nobody’s looking!  NO!  A golf clap will NOT do.  These kind souls deserve better than that!  I want to be able to hear it in south Texas.

That’s better.  (Cause I know you’re doing it, right?)

Ahem,

Angie of Big Hair Envy fame

Janet From The Planet of Janet

Tink at Pickled Beef

Kori at See Kori Rant

Predo at Spartacus Wore A Skirt

Karen at The Rocking Pony

Jean at Working Momma 247

Marylin at A Little Space For Me

THEN, as if this humongous privilege wasn’t enough, good ol’ Angie of Big Hair Envy tells me that she has drawn my name as one of the two winners of her “Pay it Forward” contest.

I am delighted about this and it’s going to be so much fun!

Here’s the exact, (cut and paste), wording of the famous Angie, herself, explaining the details of Pay It Forward.  It’s really quite easy.

I’m going to Pay It Forward to two commenter who leave me a message saying they would like to participate. I will randomly select the winners, and each will receive a gift from me! YAY! The only catch is that YOU must Pay It Forward on YOUR blog. Easy. Peasy.

Who’s in?
So there it is!  Just leave a comment saying you’re interested in playing and I’ll enter you into the contest!
Soon I’ll be receiving a gift from Angie and I’ll take photos and post all about it!
I’M EXCITED!
ALSO!  While delivering all this good news I have one more thing to toss out there!  I received an email from my dear brother, Cam the other day saying that there are new and different things available with his Periodic Table of Typeface on it!  I particuarily love the moleskine book cover!  There is a myraid of other things on the site that have been done with it.  Go check it out!
Stay tuned for an episode of “Stupid Criminals” next time! :-)

Oh man… where were we?  Oh yeah!  The second child was about to graduate high school!

Done.

Moving right along…

NO!  I am much too much of a proud mom to let it go like that.  No, I want you all to experience ALL the glee and joy I did as my darling daughter told us that there was a chance she may not get to graduate due to too many absences.

I stared at her with a thousand questions going through my head. “How many do you have?  How many are OK?  Did you play hooky?  How many times did you play hooky?  How did you make good grades while missing all this school?  Where did you go while playing hooky? WHO WERE YOU WITH, PLAYING HOOKY?  DID YOU COMMIT ANY CRIMES WHILE PLAYING HOOKY?  ARE THE COPS OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW?  YOU’RE EIGHTEEN NOW, SO THAT MEANS YOU GO TO JAIL…. NOT ME, RIGHT?  heh.  Not really.

But I can kinda understand other parents thinking that.  We really were blessed with very good kids and very well behaved ones as well.  They’re a tad lazy and self-centered, (teenagers), but they ARE good. (Thank you, God.)

There she is!  On the right side of the stage snatching the sheepskin with one hand and shaking hands with the other.

There she is! On the right side of the stage snatching the sheepskin with one hand and shaking hands with the other.

Oh dear God, please let us see it through and grow them completely up to be “real” adults, where they can take care of themselves and be contributing citizens of Texas, and the United States.

OK, just this household?

Amen

Anyway, OVER.  The whole entire high school thing is done with.  It’s really weird to think, but you know what’s weirder?  I’ll tell you.

You knew I would.

I always swore I would NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, have a snake in my house.  Voluntarily.  The girl child named Keelan decided she would graduate and spend a bit of her money on a “ball python“.  And, *sigh*,  this was OKed by her father and I.

I must admit that I do indeed like her new reptile and she is a “nice snake”.  She’s fun to hold and young and curious.  And, come to find out, not the least bit creepy feeling.  Very soft.  She has teeny, tiny scales and this is why she is soft, Keelan says.

She fell asleep like this with her head on my boob.

She fell asleep like this with her head on my boob.

Yes, that is me with her crawling in and out of my shirt.  Like I said, curious.  She eventually went to sleep, I guess, (They, apparently, don’t close their eyes, and yes, that’s a bit creepy.), Anyway she got very still and balled up against my skin, (Where it was warm?), and… slept.

Here's Keelan and Mither... aka Nana.

Here's Keelan and Mither, aka Nana.

Kessa and Pop

Kessa and Pop. She grabbed his hat and put it on... it was backwards, but I don't think she cared. :-)

Kessa and The Boyfriend.

Kessa and The Boyfriend. Hat still backwards.

The Proud Graduate!

The Proud Graduate! And she's sure of the way she's rocking those sunglasses!

As anyone would guess the proud grandparents have come down for the graduation and the discussion of snakes ensued.  Mither brought to mind a snake story from years ago.

The girls and I had been visiting with Mither and Pop for a few days when they lived in Trinity, Texas and we had gone to a plant nursery.  Mither and I had purchased some bedding plants and while we were there, we planted the ones we had gotten for her.

Then we were packing up her car to go back to my house.  Mither picked up a tray of the bedding plants I had bought and plopped it down in the back of her car.  A startled snake slithered out and went in between the seats.

Crap.

Now what?  Well, a neighbor came over to do some damsels-in-distress work only he couldn’t figure out how to get the seats out and neither could we.  Mither called Pop, who wasn’t home and asked him how to do it and he told her.  Thank you, God. Amen.

The neighbor took out the seats and we had already carefully removed all the luggage and whatnot.  Somehow, he got the snake out.  I don’t remember how, I don’t remember what kind it was, I don’t remember how long it took, I don’t remember if it came willingly or not.  A traumatic experience, my brain won’t let me recollect?  Probably.  ;-)

Overdue yet, done.

Hi there, gang!  I have really been out of pocket for a while and am sorry about that.  I know I am a couple of days behind on reading blogs as well, but I plan on making that up soon.

Child b. is due to graduate tomorrow evening beginning at 7:00.  Her Nana and Pop are down here for this auspicious occasion.  Her great aunt, Auntie-poo was supposed to be here also, but wasn’t able to come. :-(

I won’t lie to you, we are also celebrating Witchypoo’s birthday.  She has alluded to the fact that it is a “milestone birthday ending in 0″.  She never said how many 0′s…? ;-)   Heh.

My house is as clean as it has been in a very long time without being dusted yet.  Floors, spotless.  I got a new Haan steam mop for my birthday that I have been wanting.  Or maybe it was Mother’s Day… I forget since they were one day after the other this year.  Karen over at The Rocking Pony filled me in on it and she loves hers.  I can see why.

Aaaannnnyyyyyway, I love it and all my floors are clean with a minimal amount of effort and bother.

This is starting to sound like a commercial for Haan.

Moving right along.

In the morning the graduation girl, Keelan, her sister, Kessa and Mither and I are all going to eat breakfast at La Madeleine.  Both girls really love that place and it no longer feels like John and my secret place.  That’s what I get for spilling the beans about how good it is.  Anyway, all three generations will be there and it should be lots of fun.  I am really, really looking forward to it.  I will take pictures, I promise!

Boring post?  Tough shit, it’s five minutes after midnight and I am tired and can’t form comprehensive sentences.  Much less bring to mind any of the FASCINATING crap that has happened to me of late.

Good, (*yawn*) night.