John went to work this morning at the butt crack of dawn. He is expected home sometime within the next hour or two. It’s 8:00PM. Being a holiday, he has to work twice three times as hard selling flowers and food and crap like that, that people want on holidays.
This is totally unfair to ME.
And that’s what it’s all about, right? OK, shut up.
Around here holidays are something to fear and loath. Something that takes away the husband/father and spits him back out, after the date has passed, a used up, hull of a man. A man who only wants to sleep and get some decent rest. When he passes out nods off in his comfy chair in the living room and we mess with him because he is totally defenseless and cannot wake up and protect himself say something to him, his response is something to the effect of, “Go clean up the back room and then start reorganizing isle 9.” This without ever opening his eyes, of course.
And if you ask him questions? You can even get him to argue with you. This is one of our girls favorite pastimes.
Daughter: “What do I use to mop up the soda with?”
John, never moving a mussel or cracking an eyelid except to speak: “A MOP!”
Daughters and wife: massive giggles.
Daughter: “Can I go home early, Mr. Lopez?”
John: “No! Get back on that check stand! Now there’s a line!”
This can go on and on.
It gets them to snickering and laughing everytime. And the only thing I feel badly about is the fact that when we are having close, fun, family moments like this… he won’t remember them. Completely absent. But at least he is HERE! 
Sounds about as good as my Valentine’s Day … hubby is out of town. Total downer.
trannyhead’s last blog post..A Valentine’s Day Memory from Middle School
We used to put makeup on the passed out and take their pictures. But they were drunk, not over-worked.
witchypoo’s last blog post..Grace The Fifth
My you are the evil ones, aren’t you! Maybe next time you should whisper in his ear that he is not at the store, and is on a sunny beach with a drink in his hand and soft waves rolling in on his feet. He might actually get some rest. Of course, that is no fun at all for you. Forget I mentioned it. I think it might be better to whisper “Clean up on aisle 6, we have vomit!”
Predo’s last blog post..Happy Valentines Day!!
hahaha and hell o from bakersfield , ca , where you can see the air you breath , and the women get prettier at closeing time . enjoy your stuff , so , happy {late} valentines day and hi to dog mmimi and lisa etc ,
Snow White and I used to do this to CB all the time! Once in a while, he would actually wake up and get a little angry that we were messing with him!! Bwahaha!
big hair envy’s last blog post..South Beach – Week 7
I think you need to get that on camera … and start celebrating holidays a day or two before : )
That’s hilarious! You should record him. When I was 16, I had a friend who was a bagger at a grocery store. Her Mom used to tell stories about waking up in the middle of the night to things crashing and banging in the next room. It was my friend, asleep, “bagging” things off of her dresser. But of course she wasn’t really holding a bag. So they were all ending up on the floor.
I can’t ever, ever let my family read this. I can only imagine what they would do to me.
Poor John.
I have no guilt in loving this post, because you obviously have no guilt in messing with poor John to begin with. That is so priceless. You could always record the sessions, you know.
There you go; you officially made ma lugh out loud for the first time today! I would like to say poor John, but what I really mean is “Can I come watch this?”
Kori’s last blog post..Tuesday Morning Blahs
It is supposed to say made.me.laugh.
Kori’s last blog post..Tuesday Morning Blahs