Well, people this just sucks. No. Not the poop of yesterday. It is still here today and has happened twice so far. H clearly has a stomach bug of some sort. Bless her heart, no one else in the family has had one but, being so old she is more susceptible to catching things, I guess.
But that is not what I was talking about sucking. No. There is a thief amongst us. It could be your neighbor, friend or YOU. Well, OK, so maybe none of that is even remotely close to likely. STILL!
Yesterday when I was in here, in the boudoir, hacking out carefully constructing the poop post for yesterday, Kes came in and told me that the next day, (today), she was going to go up to U of H and purchase a text book that she has to have for school. Those dirty bastards are requiring her to buy a $250.00 book with some sort of electronic gizmo that has to go with it, that you can only get at UH. Her dad and I had discussed it and we were going to help her with that book so I gave her a little stash of cash that had been lying on the desk for a few days waiting to go to the bank. It was $190.00 even. A hundred bill on the outside, four $20.00’s and a $10.00 on the inside. She said no, she would pay for it, she knew we were having a hard enough time with bills and why not spend the money she has been saving for her education now while we are strapped, blah, blah, blah. She was being very sweet and understanding and trying to pick up some responsibility. But I insisted and pushed it on her and she took it eventually and went her way.
Today she came and found me and asked me if I had taken money out of my purse. I said,…. no? And she raced away looking for her sister. She came back in a bit of a panic and said that she doesn’t know what happened to the $100.00 dollar bill in my purse. I must have looked a bit blank and told her I don’t have a $100 in my purse. She explained that yesterday when she left my room she just walked straight in and put the $190.00 in my purse in my little coin purse thing where I keep my cash and cards and zipped it up and dropped back in the middle section where I always keep it.
Today she was looking for change for a $100 dollar bill of hers and remembered the money in my purse she had put there last night. Nobody knew about it but her at this point. So she looked in there to see if she could scare up another $10.00 to make an even 100 out of the smaller bills and the $100. bill was missing from the outside of the folded cash. She called her dad at work and asked him if he had gotten it out of my purse this morning and he said, no, he knew nothing about it.
There was a complete scouring of the area and searching on hands and knees and looking so far deep down into my purse I found traces of Jimmy Hoffa. Every single item came out and was examined closely to see if it had ever even tried to look like a $100.
Next she went and looked for her sister and was frantically asking about the missing money.
Keelan was clueless as well and responded with something like, “Money? In Mom’s purse? No, I didn’t even know Mom had money in her purse…” Neither one one of them have ever even thought of taking money from us without asking and so that wasn’t really a valid way to go, but Kes was trying to exhaust all avenues because the money had to be somewhere.
About this time we started backtracking who all had been here between last night and this afternoon. I mean it’s the only place left to “look” cause, people we have seen things in this house now that make YOUR dustbunnies look like pansy assed wimps.
The small group of friends Keelan had come over with her just popped their heads in to say hello over from the foyer. They never even came through the living room and went to the other side of the wet bar, where I stash my purse so it’s easy to grab on the way out the back door.
HOWEVER, this is Friday and the Caregiver Provider Aide was here from 11:00am to 2:00pm. About noon I went in and ran a nice hot bath for myself like I always do when she comes and John is not able to be off work. So she knew I was in the bath and my purse is there sitting on the wet bar right by the door where she goes to put the dirty linens in with the laundry. H is turned in her chair with her back to that general area and there is no one else in the house.
My first thought was why would she wait and do this when I am home with them instead of when I am gone with John when he is off? And then I heard that little intelligent voice I rarely hear from say, “Because my purse is gone with me then.” And the dumb ass in me replied, “Oh.”
So now, we are starving to death and don’t have the money required to pay attention, we are trying to figure out what to do next. I consult with my dear Mither and Pop and then, of course, Lisa is called into the loop. Kessa’s boyfriend suggested we get a camera and set her up and record it. I feel it would cost much more than the lost $100. to buy the equipment for that and she is here for three hours, so it would have to be a motion sensor kind that would come on when she walks in front of it. I guess?
Well, I was telling Lisa about this and she said that they have a camera that does that.
You could have knocked me over with a feather. I asked, Why? And she said that they put them up on deer trails and what not in Colorado on their vacation property and see all kinds of wildlife.
Whatever. How cool is this? I swear if I catch her, (and I will cause I am stealthy like that), I will show you guys the video footage.
After I get finished beating her to death with H’s bedpan.
Comment by Predo on January 10, 2009 at 9:26 am
Now listen. Everyone is innocent until proven guilty. Having said that, if she is guilty, save the bedpan and just smash her fingers with a hammer so she never does it again.
I hate, hate, hate, hate a thief! I hope (if she did do it) that when she goes to spend it, her uterus falls right out. Seriously, right there in line, where ever she is! Plop, Splat. That simple. Okay, or at the very least she thinks she has to fart, and it is actually so much more!
Lastly, I hope you get the $100 back, and I am sorry that you have now lost trust and faith. This is just too bad!
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Comment by Ree on January 10, 2009 at 11:27 am
Oh no! How awful.
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Comment by Serendipitous Girl on January 10, 2009 at 12:56 pm
I’m SO sorry : ( Will you please You Tube the hitting her with the bedpan part too?
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Comment by Kori on January 12, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Make sure it is a full bedpan, too.
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Comment by big hair envy on January 12, 2009 at 4:36 pm
You have GOT to be kidding me. Didn’t you just need one. more. thing. to worry about???
Good luck, Sherlock. I can’t wait to see the video!!!
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Comment by Memarie Lane on January 14, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Next time she comes, write “give it back” in H’s diaper for her to find. If it was her she will be scared and likely find an excuse to quit. If it wasn’t, she’ll be too confused to say anything.
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