I have been posting less and less lately. I lie in bed at night and think of two dozen things I could potentially jot in here and discard them all one at a time. Either while I’m thinking of them or the next day, (when I can never recall a lot of them). I have either already written about something along the same lines or the subject is something that has gone on and built up so much that I feel like I would have to start a small novel to convey all that’s happening. And, that? Has turned into something that is overwhelming.
This never used to be a problem. There was no shortage of goofy little day to day things going on around here that desperately needed to be told to YOU. I mean you needed to know. How you got through your days without knowing every little nuance of Henrietta’s bowel movements before I started blogging is a mystery.
Also, the whole “keeping the house up” thing is… falling down. Now, don’t get me wrong, we don’t live in a pig sty or anything remotely like it, (I swear to God, I am NOT answering the door if see City Sanitation knocking, so DON’T call.), but the new has worn off of living here, (It’s been four years.), and I’m letting everything slide. I need to be able to look around and see everything as “Done”, like I used to be able to. THAT feeling was soooo nice.
For some reason I can lie awake at night and plan it, heck, think about it endlessly, but then next day I can find dozens of excuses not to do the tons of little things that I know would make me feel better.
I need my self confidence back. I need to feel like there’s a good enough reason to get up fairly early and take a shower then, (not between 11:00 and midnight), and get dressed in clothes, with a bit of make up. I KNOW it would make me feel better. I just don’t seem to think that’s a good enough reason to do it at the time. (Yes, I know that makes no sense.) Maybe it’s not as much a self confidence thing as a self esteem thing.
And another thing. Sleep. I can’t seem to get enough of it and it’s always pretty crappy. All the THOUGHTS keep me awake.
I am thinking of maybe seeing about getting some anti-depressants. I’ve been on them before and it was all good. It’s been a long, long time, but I think I remember feeling somewhat like…this. I mean before it got so bad the panic attacks set in. Not looking for that to happen again. No. For sure wanting to sidestep that.
I’ve got to get something going on. This sucks.
Comment by Candy on January 23, 2009 at 2:33 pm
I’m having the same problem these days. It’s self-editing. Which is both a good and a bad thing. But when you blog, and you self-edit, it basically means you stop blogging. You have to start writing for you and not for us. Now if only I could follow my own advice.
Candy’s last blog post..In Which I Cut Someone with my Rapier Sharp Wit
Comment by Ree on January 23, 2009 at 9:12 pm
I have yet to figure out how to self-edit, apparently. 😉 Poor Shortman. Snort.
Is it people stealing for their own families? If so, then how freakin’ sad.
Ree’s last blog post..One Mystery Explained
Comment by witchypoo on January 23, 2009 at 10:05 pm
Synchronicity! I just now published a post about sleeplessness. But it’s far darker than yours.
witchypoo’s last blog post..Sleepless
Comment by Serendipitous Girl on January 24, 2009 at 11:25 am
I agree with Candy. Sometimes there is the pressure of needing to make it entertaining too. And frankly life? Not always entertaining. Sometimes you just want to punch it in the face.
SSG’s advice (for what it’s worth): acknowledge your feelings as they come up (sometimes we try and make ourselves feel happy/better instead of just saying ‘I’m not happy right now and this is why’ and then after acknowledging it, it goes away), lay down and rest for an hour or two (you might just be exhausted if you’re not sleeping), take a shower and get some fresh air.
It’s a stressful time right now and as we try and go about our daily business, we forget that our energy isn’t at 100%.
Sending you a big hug.
Serendipitous Girl’s last blog post..This is for the Homies
Comment by Predo on January 24, 2009 at 6:29 pm
You can always write about the worst moments that a bodily function attempted to make an entrance! That always seems to get me started!
How about we discuss it with SSG over my new found favorite – Lemonade Pie! I will explain later, but it is kind of like a Lemon Drop mixed with an orgasm. Not to bad!
Predo’s last blog post..I am back!!!!
Comment by Jennifer on January 26, 2009 at 3:47 am
Can you say stress? You need a day to yourself to do whatever is inspiring and relaxing to you. No dealing with the crazy lady at your house, the housework, the…blah, blah, blah. Just get out and have some fun, blow off some steam, look at some pretty things, and then see how you feel. Bet you’ll feel better and sleep better. Don’t worry about the posting thing. It will come back! I didn’t post for like a year and now I’m back. Might be boring to others, but I’m enjoying it and that’s all that should matter.
As with all things in life, this too shall pass. I know it’s cliche but it’s one of the best phrases to live by in life. When I’m feeling stressed, I just keep repeating it. You’ll get there.
Hugs to you!
Jennifer’s last blog post..Xin Nian Kuai Le
Comment by Tink on January 26, 2009 at 10:34 am
You’re putting too much pressure on yourself to perform. Blogging shouldn’t be a chore. It should be theraputic. Shoot, er write from the hip! Write a post without rereading it and then hit the post button.
Tink’s last blog post..Bentō
Comment by Anglophile Football Fanatic on January 26, 2009 at 1:31 pm
I’m with ya hon. I have been less than motivated. So, what do I do? Give crap away. Geez. Good luck getting a groove again.
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..Celebratory Mimosas
Comment by Kori on January 26, 2009 at 7:02 pm
I like hearing about H’s poop, but you know. I am sick that way. I totally recommend anti-depressants; Lexapro has literally saved my life over this last year. Also great for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which, okay, I have a small problem with getting totally freaked out…just-keep it in mind.
Kori’s last blog post..Weekend Recap
Comment by Big Hair Envy on January 27, 2009 at 10:41 am
I just can’t imagine why being a wife, a mom, a full-time caregiver, a housekeeper, a bookkeeper, a chef, a pooper scooper, AND a PERSON would wear you out! Get those anti-depressants, find some time for YOU, and take a nap if you want to…..PLEASE take care of yourself. Your body/mind can only handle so much.
Big Hair Envy’s last blog post..South Beach – Week 4
Comment by Trannyhead on January 27, 2009 at 8:25 pm
At the very least, you have GOT to get out of that house. Which, I know, means you have to have a care provider who isn’t going to steal from you. But really – if only you could go out and have lunch with a friend or something. WTF – I’d be bitter, too, in there all day every single day. Good luck. *hugs*
Trannyhead’s last blog post..Totally Incensed Tuesday #33 = Wyoming!
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