Archive for January, 2009

When all the planets align…

Author: Krissa

Jan 31

Some days are just what we need to get us through to the next day without fear of suicide attempts.  SSG, over at Confessions of A (Sometimes) Serendipitious Girl had a day like that on Friday.  It’s when you just stop and think, “Can it get any better?”.  Or, in my case, “When’s the other shoe going to drop?”.

Today is the day of the Murder Mystery Party that John and I are going to next door.  You may, or may not, remember that it is themed to ancient Rome.  When we got our invitations it consisted of two copies of the cast of characters with one highlighted on each copy.  They were:

Harangus Adnauseum- Harangus is the epitome of a  successful senator. He is a multifaceted man- part politician and part philosopher, but all Roman.  As a military tribune, years ago, he stormed the shores of Normandy…and conquered the Normans.  Harangus owns a considerable amount of land in and around Rome, but he does not crave wealth and property.  He holds closely to Stoic philosophy, maintaining complete control over his emotions and eliminating all wants and desires.  If given the opportunity, he will expound on the virtues of Stoicism for days on end, as he did in his now-infamous, three-day oration. “It’s my party and I’ll be Stoic if I want to.”

Rotunda Immaculata- The fate of the Roman empire lies in the able services of Vestal Virgins, such as Rotunda Immaculata.  The Vestals keep the eternal fires burning, thus ensuring the safety of the Roman ships, the strength of Roman legions. and the success of Roman government.  Rotunda comes from a prominent family, as all Vestals do, and she was chosen for her honored position at the tender age of 8.  Now she is a beautiful, but demure young woman looking forward to many, many more years as a humble servant of the empire.

Needless to say, I was unable to help myself.  I did a lot of fast talking and explained to John how funny it would be if I showed up as the Roman senator and he went as the Vestal virgin.  Apparently I am a very persuasive speaker.  Or I guess now it should be orator.  He, (a teeny bit grudgingly), agreed to this and he is going to be all outfitted as a Vestal virgin tonight, and I will be a pompus Roman senator.  Fun, fun, fun!

John was putting up a lame argument against his role and said, “It’s been a long time since I was a virgin… at least five years…”

He’s already having fun with this.

He made me swear, under threat of certain death, that I would not be posting any pictures of him as said virgin.  DO NOT WORRY.  I will simply see to it that he is sufficiently inebriated and extract a promise that I CAN.  cue the evil laughter…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IN OTHER  HAPPY NEWS:

Henrietta got another catheter today!  WOO HOO!  No more wet diapers, just shitty ones!  No more changing her in the middle of the freaking night in a vain attempt to keep her dry and stave off bed sores.  No more going through three times as many diapers and latex gloves and her room smelling like urine all. the. freakin. time.  If even ONE diaper is in the pail with the lid on it and sealed shut, it still smells.  When I ask others if they can smell it, they all say no, BUT I KNOW THEY LIE.  It’s all part of the plot to drive me insane.  I may refer to this from time to time, as it is a long, ongoing, multifaceted, sick scheme and it is, apparently, not something my family and friends can get completely behind or motivated to carry out in a timely manner.

On the downside, it was immediately apparent that she has another UTI.   For those of you who are blessed and don’t know un-knowledgeable about this, it’s a urinary tract infection.  Her urine was all cloudy and had sediment floating in it in the tube leading to the bag.  As the nurse and I were standing there staring at this with crestfallen looks on our faces, a bunch of blood passed by.  Crap.  NO NO!  Not crap!  Crap is everywhere ELSE, but not in the catheter tube.  And THAT? is a good thing.

Anyway, on Monday she’s coming back out to take a urine sample cause the doc won’t let them give her the antibiotics she needs until the analysis comes back.  The quack.

Now, I’ve got to go and cook baklava for the party tonight.  I am in charge of dessert and that’s the only Greek one I could think of.  When googled, there’s not a lot more different things either.

Wish me luck!

OH!  Don’t forget to go here and enter in my contest for the lovely paintings by playing along and doing the unconscious mutterings.

Good luck!

4 Comments
Filed under: Blather, CONTEST, Cooking, crazy shit, Henrietta, John, just plain weird, Like a game show but without good prizes, WOO-HOO

Unconscious mutterings #2 and contest!

Author: Krissa

Jan 28

Here’s a little something I cooked up to give away a set of pictures that would look elegant in anyone’s house or even on a porch.  Just play my Unconscious Mutterings “game” and, (to the sound of trumpets blaring), YOU COULD WIN!

The winner is going to be chosen by a random number generator deal AND said winner will receive this wonderful prize! (My legal department urges me strongly to remind you all that the term, “wonderful” is entirely subjective.)

The contest will be over in 7 days.  Next Wednesday, February 4th.

Whatev.

These two, 12″ x 14″ prints are on some sort of  hard, lightweight board that is hollow.  They are one inch thick and have sawtooth hangers on the backs of them.   The “paintings” are lightly textured.  The colors in the following photos is pretty true to life.  Very dusty purples and other muted shades.  They are pretty and lightweight.  Could be hung up on a wall with a straight pin.  Don’t laugh.  When I was a child my mother’s friend across the street let on that every picture in her house was hung with steel straight pins.  Nothing ever fell!

Oops, I digressed.  I’m always doing that!  Wonder if there’s any such thing as a professional digress-er?  Wonder if they feel at all threatened by me?

Now what was I talking about?  OH!  Right!

Here’s the pics.

I was standing on the bed to take these.  Why didn’t I just lay them on the carpet, you ask?  Good question.

And finally here is the back of one of them and don’t be fooled!  My bed is actually NOT made.  Just smoothed out for the sake of the photos.  OH THE SHAME!  DON’T TELL MITHER!

OK, here are the latest from the recesses of my dusty, disturbed, dark, leeetle mind.  As before, I suggest that you copy and paste the words in  the comment box and fill it out before you read anyone else’s, just because it makes it easier to think freely…  Or is that just me?  Probably me.

1. Kate:

2. clock:

3.plaque:

4. dining table:

5. assortment:

6. rubber band:

7. spindle:

8. frog:

9. startled:

10. dragon:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And my answers:

1. Kate: Hepburn

2. clock: Late

3.plaque: Give away

4. dining table: eat

5. assortment: too many

6. rubber band: Man

7. spindle:DVD’s

8. frog: Susan

9. startled: Dumb dog barking

10. dragon: renaissance festival

Now go on!  Do it!

14 Comments
Filed under: Blather, CONTEST, crazy shit, gifts, just plain weird, Like a game show but without good prizes, Lists, WOO-HOO

It's a Shit Explosion.

Author: Krissa

Jan 26

What a day!  I have spent the majority of it on the phone with the state and other people trying to set H up with a new Provider Care company.  Last Friday I FINALLY managed to track down the owner of the company that sent out our little thief that swiped the hundred dollar bill from my purse.  I had left multiple messages throughout the week for her to call me back and she never did.  I finally just managed to get somebody to answer the phone in the office that didn’t know that she wasn’t wanting to talk to me.

She was a bitch.

I was very nice and told her that I just wanted to make sure she had been told what had happened as I would want to know if it was my company and she simply stated that yes, she knew and the aide had denied it and she was made to fill out an incident report.

I said something to the effect of, “Yes, I am sure she did deny it.  I mean if she stole money from me, why would she have a problem with lying?”.

To which she said… nothing.

That’s about all I got.  No apology, nothing.

I told her that I hadn’t heard from anyone to ask me any questions about what had happened and if anyone wanted to contact me to fluff up the incident report with, ooooh, I dunno, MY SIDE OF WHAT HAPPENED, I would be here, 24/7 to answer the phone or door and help them out.  Cause, hey, you know me, HERE TO SERVE!

She actually indicated that that would not be necessary.  NOT NECESSARY.  So the incident report about the employee stealing from me is filled out entirely by… the employee.  Needless to say I decided to move on to the big boys.

So I called the state of Texas, after all this is a state funded agency.  It’s services are paid for by Henrietta’s medicare.  So the Texas Department of Aging and Disability was contacted.  I tried to nail down the case worker that was assigned to her long ago, but she has been moved to another department.  They gave me another very nice little lady that was horrified to hear what had happened to us and, even though I KNOW she probably hears of stuff like this everyday, (I mean she was in the complaint department), she was courteous enough to be understanding.  She looked and said that the agency was supposed to report what had happened to the state as a matter of law and, guess what?, they hadn’t.

Big surprise.  (Can you hear the sarcasm dripping off here?)  I asked if they were gonna get in trouble for it and felt like a little kid that had been wronged and wanted their brother to “get it” for what he’d done.  Vengeful, ugly, spiteful feelings.

Felt sooo good when she said, Yes”.

She then put me in contact with my new case worker and they are faxing John a list of new agencies at his work for him to bring home and me throw darts at and pick out a new one.

*****************************************************************************

In Poop News today, Henrietta is still without a catheter.

How is this Poop News, Krissa?  A catheter is only a font for urine.

Well, don’t worry, I will tell you, ( read sounding a bit vicious), BECAUSE I KNOW YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW.

We are going through tons of diapers and latex gloves and poor H is usually opting to stay in bed almost all day since she has to be changed so often.  I am getting up well before dawn with John and changing her and then again about 10:00 AM and so on.  Well, after I had fed her breakfast she rang for the bedpan and said she had messed her diaper.  This is not unusual, but the amount of it was something else.   The…. stuff, (trying to be nice here and not offend anyone’s delicate sensibilities), was squirting out the sides of the diaper and covered a good part of the hospital chux that she was lying on.  It also managed to get it on a little pink pillow that I had been using to put between her knobby knees.  I did not see this and picked the pillow up and tossed it over against the wall on the other side of her bed to get it out of the way.  I was a bit frantic and, indeed, was on hold for some agency office or another.

I know my previous little soliloquy about the locating of the proper people to talk to was fairly straight forward, but come on, we’ve all been on the other end of phone trying to do business with a government agency before…  I went through 5 or 6 different people and called tons of numbers, some of which didn’t work, and was on hold all. freakin. day.

So I am trying to get a move on with this diaper so I don’t have to hang up or lose the person I’m waiting on and start all over again.  I have a look of …. shock and awe(?) on my face apparently, as Henrietta repeatedly asks me if she has diarrhea.  I tell her no, she just has… a lot.  Period.

I had thrown on a robe to go in when the bell rang as I was in the process of changing clothes.  Yes, I do multiple things like this while on the phone taking care of business.  Witchypoo, over at Psychicgeek can relate to the whole being-tied-to-the-phone-while-attempting-to-move-about-your-life scenario.  Well, at some point the tie around the waist of my fluffy pink robe had swung forward and drug through the poo.  Henrietta just innocently lay her hand down by her side,  In the poo.  The little pink pillow I threw up against the wall to get it out of the way?  Trail of poo going down the wall.  I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING.  It was gruesome.

I kept thinking, “Oh my gawd.  These are the very last two gloves… what if there’s more of it?”  There is no way there is anymore shit left in that little old lady.  And John is bringing home more gloves.  And diapers.  And,  sadly, Miralax.

I got her dressed and all squared away eventually and she just looked at me and said, “Krissa, I think I’ll just stay in bed for a little while…”

Ya think?

Poor thing.  It wore her out.  All that hauling up her butt and cleaning from the back of her thighs to the middle of her back.  Me too.

Needless to say, I took a long hot bath and read a little bit in my book, About the Author.  It’s the book club book for the present at Holly’s blog, Anglophile Football Fanatic.  Go check it out and read along with us!I

I swear, by my very own little old lady, the next post I am doing is a giveaway.  I have acquired some really pretty darn cool prizes and have a Unconsicous Mutterings coming up.  If you will play, I will pay!  heh heh.

Please stay tuned for further bowel movements developements.

10 Comments
Filed under: Chapped Arse, crazy shit, Henrietta, Poop

Maybe it's writer's block? But, why?

Author: Krissa

Jan 23

I have been posting less and less lately.  I lie in bed at night and think of two dozen things I could potentially jot in here and discard them all one at a time.  Either while I’m thinking of them or the next day, (when I can never recall a lot of them).  I have either already written about something along the same lines or the subject is something that has gone on and built up so much that I feel like I would have to start a small novel to convey all that’s happening.  And, that?  Has turned into something that is overwhelming.

This never used to be a problem.  There was no shortage of goofy little day to day things going on around here that desperately needed to be told to YOU.  I mean you needed to know.  How you got through your days without knowing every little nuance of Henrietta’s bowel movements before I started blogging is a mystery.

Yeah.  Whatever.

Also, the whole “keeping the house up” thing is… falling down.  Now, don’t get me wrong, we don’t live in a pig sty or anything remotely like it, (I swear to God, I am NOT answering the door if see City Sanitation knocking, so DON’T call.), but the new has worn off of living here, (It’s been four years.), and I’m letting everything slide.  I need to be able to look around and see everything as “Done”, like I used to be able to.  THAT feeling was soooo nice.

For some reason I can lie awake at night and plan it, heck, think about it endlessly, but then next day I can find dozens of excuses not to do the tons of little things that I know would make me feel better.

I need my self confidence back.  I need to feel like there’s a good enough reason to get up fairly early and take a shower then, (not between 11:00 and midnight), and get dressed in clothes, with a bit of make up.  I KNOW it would make me feel better.  I just don’t seem to think that’s a good enough reason to do it at the time.  (Yes, I know that makes no sense.)  Maybe it’s not as much a self confidence thing as a self esteem thing.

And another thing.  Sleep.  I can’t seem to get enough of it and it’s always pretty crappy.  All the THOUGHTS keep me awake.

I am thinking of maybe seeing about getting some anti-depressants. I’ve been on them before and it was all good.  It’s been a long, long time, but I think I remember feeling somewhat like…this.  I mean before it got so bad the panic attacks set in.  Not looking for that to happen again.  No.  For sure wanting to sidestep that.

I’ve got to get something going on.  This sucks.

11 Comments
Filed under: Uncategorized

Vestal Virgin? Really?

Author: Krissa

Jan 21

John and I have been invited to another murder mystery party.  Last year it was held on New Year’s Eve and the theme was the old west.  I have forgotten what my name was, Adella something, but I was a widow and John was a sheriff or some such law man.  We had quite elaborate costumes and most of the people there did, too.  It was loads of fun.

This year they are having it on the 31st and the theme is ancient Rome.  We received an invitation that had two copies of the same cast of characters in it and on each list there was one name that was highlighted.  One of the characters was a Roman Senator and the other was a Vestal Virgin.  So I kinda took things into my own hands and told John I was going to be the senator and he was going to be a vestal virgin.  I had to explain how funny this was going to be a few times before I got him on board with the whole plan.  After all they didn’t assign us the rolls they just indicated that these were the two that we were supposed to play.

Mither and I went out and bought John some false eyelashes and found an old costume for him to wear and fashioned a veil from some pink organza and a laurel of silk roses.   He already has some leather flip flops that he can wear and I will wrap pink ribbon up his legs to look like Roman sandals.

He will be a real head turner.  I have to stop making remarks about his “virginity”.  He seems quite sensitive about this.  He said something like, “Gosh, it’s been a long time since I was a virgin… at least 5 years…”

I told him that the Romans didn’t wear anything under their toga’s but I really think it would be a good idea if he did cause we wouldn’t want anyone to think he was “easy” or anything since he IS playing the part of a virgin.

My costume is fairly elaborate in that it is about a million miles of white cotton fabric trimmed in purple rope gimp.  We worked long and hard on how to… toga it.  I kinda hate to think about cutting it down smaller since it was originally a valance in my dining room and may have a future as such again.

I have some other fancy stuff to my get-up, but I will take pictures and show you after the party.  I am looking forward to it and John said that there is NO WAY I will be allowed to post a picture of him dressed as a woman.  I will just tell him to put his veil down and no one will see his face.  Heh.

11 Comments
Filed under: crazy shit, John, just plain weird, Mither, Strange
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