Yesterday, a mere eighteen days into NaBloPoMo, I forgot to post. Actually I remembered, but by that time it was after midnight, so what the hell…
It was all John’s fault as he was off yesterday and I am always distracted by him when he’s off work. I suppose that is as it should be… BUT IT’S STILL HIS FAULT.
We went running around and the caregiver person was here for her three hours so it was kinda nice. I went back up to the eyeglasses place and complained bitterly about mine and they went to great lengths to explain that this is the way they are supposed to be and my eyes will get used to them. I have 90 days and if I’m not completely satisfied, well, I get a do-over.
Do-over’s are great. I wish do-overs came with everything I do.
Lisa called me today and when I answered the phone I said “Hello, Lopez residence, maid speaking.”
And, of course she said something to the effect of, “Where is that bitch?!”
To which I replied, “She’s out and I gotta clean this entire shithole before she gets home.”
Lisa replied, “And this is the maid?” And then she started trying to speak Spanish to me and I got lost and I KNOW she was. I told her, “I no speaky the English, and I no understandy you Spanish either, sista!” Then it got so politically incorrect that the intertubes are not safe with me around anymore.
I told her,
“Oh, yeah! You know those Lopez’s! They are rolling in so much money they’ve even got a white woman cleaning for them!
She then commenced to tell me that she had a white woman cleaning her house too and the friend with her chimmed in and said she did too.
Now the pressure is on and I gotta get the dump cleaned, supper cooked and the laundry done cause I don’t want to be the one to make the white chicks look bad… let someone else do it!
8 comments
Comment by Predo on November 19, 2008 at 9:21 pm
UHM I CAN TOP THAT!!! I have a hairy white man who scrubs the bathroom floor in his underwear after giving the dog a bath, while another white man does the dusting!!!!
This is why when SSG calls she asks “What are you wearing” more to decide if it is safe to come over then to think about how dreamy I am with a scrub brush!!!
At least I don’t have to push around the iron!
Comment by witchypoo on November 19, 2008 at 10:23 pm
Hah! That? Was awesomely hilarious. You and Lisa sound like Skinny Bitch and me when we get together. Only there is always bigarse drinks and laughing til we pee.
Comment by Roger on November 19, 2008 at 11:09 pm
I was wondering where you went to… But now the pressure is off and you don’t have to do it anymore, whereas I still have to come up with something in the next, uh..hour and fifty two minutes, while also reading through my over 100 freaking posts in my reader, which I swear was at 17 when I left work a mere four hours ago.
So there.
Comment by Roger on November 19, 2008 at 11:09 pm
Can you just imagine what the heck I’m gonna say after THAT?! 🙂
Comment by big hair envy on November 20, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Bwahahaha!
Don’t worry. I make the white chicks look bad so you don’t have to. I’m good that way:) There will be 20 people at my house for a big meal the day after Thanksgiving…..I guess that means I better at lease pick up the socks and underwear off of the floor. It would be different if they were MINE!!!
Comment by big hair envy on November 20, 2008 at 12:20 pm
*least*
Whoops! Stupid phonics….
Comment by Colleen on November 21, 2008 at 1:49 pm
you clean? I’ve nearly forgotten what that was (as well as nearly forgotten what the internet was and the TV and my bed…)
Comment by Tranny Head on November 21, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Dude!
Back in the day before the “Do Not Call” list, when we used to get telemarketers I’d be all “this is the maid.” Or I’d be all “He’s not here – he’s out back drinking.” Etc.
Hawt!
PS – As you already know from my post of today, NoBlowMe sucks.
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