Archive for July, 2008

Well, I have been taken to task by my itty, bitty, baby brother.  Calling him that made him furious, years and years ago.  I am thinking now, it’s just dandy. Anyway, yesterday was his birthday and I didn’t even mention it.  I DID remember and called him and all that, but, reporting on the U.P. just seemed to be foremost in my thoughts because, I suppose, I felt like I needed to explain, partially, why I hadn’t been keeping up with this blog.  Not that a U.P. is more significant than his birthday, or even an S.P., but over here in this household you just get caught up in all the excitement of the bowel movements.  You understand.  Sure you do. YESTERDAY, baby brother, Cam, turned 37 years old.  I go back and forth between thinking my teenagers are aging me faster and then I think it’s gotta be him.  He will catch up someday, but for now he’s eight years younger. I remember when he was born, and that’s saying a lot because I have very few memories of childhood.  I was roused in the middle of the night and taken to my auntie-poo’s house to stay while Mither and Pop trailed off to the hospital.  I don’t remember visiting in the hospital, but I’m sure I did.  This was back in the day when a 3 day maternity stay was the norm.    When he finally came home I LOVED that baby with an intensity I assumed only a mother could feel.  He was MINE.  I wanted to do everything for him.  Well, almost everything.  I remember him as a toddler so well.  He was adorable.  I took him everywhere I could with me.  We were living in Lafayette, La. and the subdivision we lived in had a local 7-11 store several blocks away.  My friends and I would walk down there regularly.  I dearly loved pulling my little brother behind me in a wagon outfitted with pillows and a blanket if it was cold.  In the store, I always bought him some candy and then we’d set out towards home.  We took baths together and had tons of fun in the bathtub.  I am sure we splashed an entire ocean of water on the floor. Any time he got into trouble and was being punished or scolded, I cried longer and harder than he did.  He called me “Ya-Ya”, and if he was being put in a time out in his room he’d sit in there and call for me until I convinced our mom to let me go in to see him. And then one day, it happened.  He soured for me.  He was no longer The Golden Boy.   I believe he was 4 and I remember telling my mom that “He is SO spoiled!”.  And the funny thing is that I had absolutely NO idea how he got that way.  Mom says he still worshiped me and I just didn’t think any of what he did was acceptable anymore and he was acting like a baby.  He was 4 and he needed to grow up. The problem, I can see as I look back, was not that he was 4 but I was 12 and about to be a teenager.  (Oh Lord, thank you for giving my parents a stalwart nature more suited to an adventurous pioneer and, consequently, the ability to let me live.)  Oops, was I praying?  Er, yeah, sorry ’bout that.  The mention of the word “teenager” frequently brings on an involuntary fervent prayer response.


A few days old.  Fat ass weighed 9 lbs. at birth…


His second Halloween… hard to tell if his cheeks are full of candy or….  No.  He’s just fat.


Playing with a puppy at our grandmother’s house.


Looking adorable in the backyard at our house.


Here he is with “Baby”, his constant companion.


And a scarecrow for his third Halloween.


Four years old and for the LONGEST time that hat never left his head.  He even wore it to school everyday in Kindergarten.   He’s snaggletoothed here because I ACCIDENTALLY kicked his tooth out.


Loved playing anything outside.


Four or Five years old and was already interested in music.  He now plays a guitar quite well.

Special thanks go to our dear Mither who scanned and sent these pictures after digging through thousands and getting all mired down in “Oooooh LOOK!…AWWWW, he’s soo CUTE!  OH, I’d forgotten all about that!  Look at how sweet!…”

I'm back…but is it a good thing?

Hello, people!  It’s been a while!  I am happy to report that I am still alive, only just barely it seems.  I am having a hard time shaking this funk I’m in and it really makes it hard to post.  Ideas that seem good to me late at night while watching Ferguson or trying to go to sleep, seem ridiculous the next day.  I am being a little depressed and my mind doesn’t want to work fast or freely anymore, just like the rest of me, I suppose!  Haha.

John was only off one day this week and it was yesterday.  We frantically ran around for three hours while the caregiver provider person was here and managed to take in lunch at a nearby Chinese restaurant, which I felt like was splurging because everything is so expensive now.  And I don’t just mean at the Chinese Restaurant, I mean everything.  At this point I am thinking the only way we can help pay for college is if we rent out the daughter in servitude.  I know what you’re thinking.  If she is in servitude, how will she go to school that is getting paid for?  Vicious circle.  I guess we could sell the younger daughter into servitude and she could support her sister’s need for knowledge, but I am thinking that would create a good deal of resentment and bitterness.  Just guessing.

That leaves us with Henrietta and I just can’t see anyone paying me for taking her off my hands.  Correct me if you know something I don’t.

I was soooo gonna do a post on Wednesday.  Things stewing around in my little head, fingers itching to type them out… whatev.  H. woke up that morning distressed that she was having stomach cramps, “all night”.

me: Why didn’t you ring the bell?

H: Oh, I didn’t want to bother you!

me: (teasing) Well, when you need to use the potty you have to tell me.  I can’t read your mind….!

H: (Smiling) Oh I don’t want to bother you at night, Krissa.

So all this happened BEFORE breakfast.  This is important because it is an UNSCHEDULED POOP, or a “U.P.”  This set the tone for the day.  She ate half her oatmeal very slowly and did the characteristic whiny and sing-song voice.  I knew she wouldn’t eat all of her food just because that is what she automatically does if anything is amiss in her life.  Unscheduled Poo, hangnail, cramp in her calf, cold chill while getting a bed-bath, coughing due to allergies/sinus drainage, whatever.  But, when I brought her the egg and little piece of sausage with a roll and jelly she, ate everything but about a bite and a half of the egg and a little tiny piece of the bread.  It’s like she was thinking, “I have to leave something on the plate, I’m sick!”

So when I picked up the tray and saw she hadn’t finished everything I knew it was going to be a day of pitifullness and staying in bed.  Which really does suit me fine.  She discovered other problems during the day and had a bout with indigestion and we did Malox and Sprite and a teaspoon of baking soda in water and everything we could think of, I don’t know how bad it really was, she was teary eyed all day and acting ready to cash in her chips cause he couldn’t burp.

Thursday she decided she needed to stay in bed because, “Maybe I had better just stay here… you know, to make sure.”  Make sure of what, I have no idea.  Make sure she can burp?  Make sure she only poops between the hours of 1:00 and 2:00PM?  Make sure I can still run up and down that long ass hall, (and getting longer all the time), 400 times a day?  Make sure the clapper on the cowbell she rings isn’t worn out from the day before?  These are questions I now wish I’d asked her.

So that’s it people.  That’s all I got.  Sorry I don’t feel the least bit like trying to produce anything remotely amusing.  I am hoping this will eventually pass.  I am sure it will.

The DeBakey debacle.

Henrietta has been completely consumed with the death of legendary doctor, Michael DeBakey.  She has launched into gushing praise of him, in apparently mid thought, a number of times and caught me completely off guard.

While putting her to bed last night…

H: He was 99 years old!  And he did SO MUCH for Houston!

Me: …Who?

H: 99!

Me: WHO?- (I was unaware this was going to be an ongoing thing at this point.)

H: Yes!  He was!

Me: HENRIETTA, WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

H: Oooh, Dr. DeBakey!

This happened over and over with her out of the blue announcing things like, “Did you know he’s a Catholic?!”.

Just a few minutes ago I looked in the living room and she was sitting there watching the news, bawling.  I just left it and later she started going on about how “sad it is that he died…” I finally told her that was crazy and he was a 99 year old man living in a broken down little old 99 year old body and he had done enough for the world to warrant an excuse to leave and go on to better things.  Her response?

“Ooooh, (sob), Yeeeeees!”

To be such a devout Catholic, she has consistently missed the entire message about death and heaven and rewards in the afterlife, all that.  This has happened over and over with other people who have died and her attitude is always that it must be the worst thing ever.  I really don’t think she believes in heaven.  And like I said, she is a super-duper Catholic, not just your run-or-the-mill kind.  Weird.

So far today…rather uneventful.

How uneventful could this possibly be?  Well, let’s see.

John worked the late shift today and left for work shortly before 1:00PM.  Henrietta was up and fed, pooped, diapered, dressed and in the wheelchair by 1:45ish.  You’ve got to remember that she stays in bed until she is done on the bedpan for the day. (Hopefully.)  The “Big B.M.” is almost always around 1:00 to 1:30.

I just re-read that last paragraph and can see where there are some problems.  I used the term, “You’ve got to remember…”.  Actually, you don’t have to remember anything having to do with H’s poops.  I do, though.  *sigh*

OK, back on track!  I was attempting to communicate how uneventful this day has been.  After I got her dressed she asked if I could cut her hair for her as it was below her collar and bugging her a good deal.  So I got her in the chair and rolled her in the kitchen, threw a sheet around her and stopped to make the child a sandwich before she left for work.  Done. Back to H.  I sprayed her hair and chopped it off around the bottom, just as always and she was good to go.  About that time, the phone rang and the Housecall Dr. said she would be here in about 20 minutes.  So I muted the TV and gently swiveled H’s little head around so that she was looking at me, knelt down and screamed into her face that the new doctor was coming out to visit her.  This was met with the expected amount of horror and panic, as she simultaneously crossed herself, started muttering a hail Mary and felt for her own pulse.  I explained to her three or four times that, “She is just coming to meet you and get acquainted with your case so she can be your doctor!”  All at a decibel level approaching sonic boom.  I swear, this wears me out.  It is so hard to be constantly reassuring her about… everything, and having to scream it over and over and answer her questions because she is so panicked she isn’t paying attention.  And she is SO freakin paranoid.  Oh. My. Gawd.  You cannot begin to believe all the paranoia that we deal with on a regular basis.  When she first came to live with us, we went round and round with her about all the windows being locked.  There was just about no way to convince her that this was all done except show her that you were checking them.  The front door needed to stay locked all the time and she was just hoping and praying that the back one was.  It wasn’t quite as important as the front to her because we had a huge family dog.  In reality we never locked it and Hailee, (huge dog) slept at the back door and would have eaten anybody that came in the yard.  Very nearly did, several stupid meter readers that disregarded the warning sign.

She has slowly gotten better and now does not insist I lock the front door when John is at work.  However she pays entirely too much attention to the news on TV and the newspaper.  EVERYTHING is threatened by the evil somebodyoranother.  She is forever telling me that the reason the nurses ask her all the questions they do is because people try to “trick them and defraud the Medicare.  They have to make sure we’re not trying to trick them, so they ask us questions to see if we know how to answer.”  I swear, there is nothing tricky at all about the nurses visits or their questions.  “Appetite OK?”  “Blood pressure good?”  “Bowels moving?”  Oh, hell yeah.

Yeah.  Wonder what’s on TV tonight…

The wee child that is in no small amount of trouble with me is at work this morning and her friend showed up to pick up an item for her.

Anna: Hi!  Keelan asked me if I would swing her iPod by for her.  She is standing in front of me waiting… Is it pluged in there,…behind you?

Me: Well, yes it is Anna, but are we supposed to even touch it, cause it seems to me that I have been told that I should not even think about touching it… Maybe I shouldn’t pick on unsuspecting friends when I am steamed at deliquent child, but I can’t help myself.

Anna: Oh, yes!  She asked me to come and get it!

Now at this point I wasn’t really planning and scheming.  Involuntary responses took over my body and I am fairly convinced I wasn’t even driving.  I reached down and picked up the iPod and unplugged it and as it came around in front of me I put it close to my face and licked the back of it.  (Not the screen.)  I then laid it down on the desk in front of me and looked Anna carefully in the eye, (Anna’s eye’s were fairly big at this point.), and said, “Anna, you be sure and tell Keelan that I did that, OK?”  She did not speak, just nodded her head with eye’s as big as saucers.

I have not heard from child and don’t think I will.  I have barely exchanged any words with her in the past few days.  But, I don’t think there is any way she will dare bring this up to me.

Oh. and If I get sick any time soon… I will know for sure where computer viruses come from.